Come a Little Closer Baby
by tinkermegan68
Summary: First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes...a baby carriage? Bella and Edward both enjoyed their child-free life. What happens when one of them has a change of heart? AH,BxE,M
1. Testing, testing 1,2,3

"Alice I swear to God if you don't stop that fucking pacing around, I'm going to flip out on you," I sneered at Alice from across the room. I couldn't help but be on edge as I endured quite possibly the scariest situation I had yet to be in. All the while she seemed amused by the circumstances.

"Empty threats Bella, empty threats," she giggled.

Alice stopped for a brief second, only to jut her neck out toward me in a 'come and get me' manner, then began pacing the tiled floor once again. She was making me more nervous by the minute.

I walked back over to the bathroom counter, where my bag full of what must have been six different pregnancy test brands lay. I pulled the plastic bag up letting all the boxes slide out onto the hunter green marble.

Alice rushed over to me. "Here, start with this one first. _First Response_ is the most reliable test, it can detect the pregnancy hormone up to six days before your missed period," she quoted.

"Can it also detect it up to sixty days after a missed period?" I laughed, earning an eye roll from her.

I took the small pink box from her, opening up the cardboard flap and sliding the plastic package out onto the counter. Taking out the paper pamphlet, I carefully read over the directions. God knows I didn't know how the fuck these things worked, and I definitely wanted the results to come out accurately.

"It's simple Bella. You take the plastic stick, you pee on it, and then you wait for five minutes. It isn't rocket science," she laughed causing me to glare at her. As much fun as this all was for her, it was absolutely terrifying to me.

I removed the long plastic test from its shiny white package, examining it. It looked easy enough.

"Hey, remember when I was the one on the other end of that stick. Literally?" she asked opening up another one of the tests.

"Yeah, how could I forget? You were freaking out. I think you successfully bought out the Walgreens of all their pregnancy tests. How many did you take, like fourteen?" I asked, remembering that crazy day of walking into a bathroom full of test sticks. That day was the happiest I had ever seen Alice.

"It was ten, Bella," she corrected me. "And I had to be absolutely sure. You know those factories produce so many of these things per minute that there is always a chance of getting a fluke. It was better to be safe than sorry."

"I guess that explains why I have to use six different test brands then," I sighed. I was really not looking forward to this, at all. My stomach felt like a million tiny butterflies were fluttering around inside.

I walked across the beige tile slowly over to the toilet. The coldness of the tile on my bare feet made my toes curl up. I pulled down my white sweatpants along with my panties and sat down on the seat. As I looked down at the test I felt as though I was literally holding my future in my own hands. It all felt so outlandish and perverse to me.

I looked over to Alice who was now sitting propped up on the edge of the bathroom counter. When she caught my nervous eyes, she gave me a soft smile. Then she reached over and grabbed three of the other pregnancy tests, opening up each one and taking out the test stick.

"Okay, here's what you're gonna do. You're going to pee on the _First Response_ then set it flat on the counter. Then I'll pass you each of these to do the same," Alice proclaimed.

"And then what?" I asked.

"Then...we wait five minutes."

I slid the test down in between my legs. It felt rather awkward and I was almost rethinking not just using a cup. It took about thirty seconds of sitting there before I could even start to urinate. Of course, when I actually needed the pee for a genuine purpose I wouldn't be able to go.

"Okay, that's enough. Now set it on the counter. Here." Alice handed me yet another stick to piss on.

Once all four tests had successfully been saturated, I got up from the toilet pulling up my pants. Immediately I went over to the sink to wash my hands mostly because my aim hadn't been precisely accurate and I needed something to distract me during the wait. As I pushed the knob turning off the water, a wave of nausea collided with me. I still couldn't connect the reality of what was really occurring. This could not be happening to me. I was anxious to get this all over with and prove to Alice that I was, in fact, not pregnant.

"Has it been five minutes yet?" I asked, wanting to know my fate.

"Chill Bella, it hasn't even been 60 seconds."

"Ugh, I feel like I'm going to hurl," I said, placing one of my hands over my sickened stomach.

"Well then it's a good thing you're standing right beside a toilet," Alice laughed. "Bella, it's going to be fine, I know it will be," she assured. She's always had a way of knowing the outcome of different situations. Surprisingly, she usually had been right in her assumptions. If by fine she meant that the tests would come back negative then I hoped that her prediction was accurate.

Alice walked over to the counter, staring down at all of the tests that were spread out. She picked up the _First Response_ test letting it rest in her hand. She carefully placed it back down on the counter and examined the other three tests. All the while allowing no emotions show through her solemn expression.

"Wh-What do they say?" I couldn't stand not knowing, yet I was fearful of the conclusion at the same time.

Alice glanced up at me, her facial appearance still concealing the results. "Okay wait, just tell me if I'll like the outcome?" I pleaded.

"Bella, just come over here and see for yourself." She huffed and sat the test back down.

As I slowly walked over to my results, I felt like a prisoner on death row walking to the electric chair. Once I was at the counter, I slowly let my eyes drift down toward the tests. Staring back at me were _First Response_, _Clearblue Easy_, _Accu-clear_, and _E.P.T._ They all had the exact same response to show me.

I glanced over at Alice whose eyes were glistening with joy. I didn't really know whether to laugh or cry at that exact moment. So many different emotions were swarming through me and not at all the ones I had been expecting. I should have felt relief for finally knowing the outcome, but I didn't.

I looked back down at the tests lying flat on the marble. All I could think about was how much someone's life could change depending on how many lines showed up in that little window.


	2. The Search Is Over

**A/N:** Okay so first off, sorry this has taken a bit longer to get out than I had first thought :( Stupid FF decided to go down right before I was going to post..le sigh. All the songs mentioned in this chapter are posted on my profile.

Big thanks to Project Team Beta...you guys rock..hard!!!

Disclaimer: SMeyer owns Twilight...Twilight owns me (well more specifically Rob) lol

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_I've been roaming around always looking down at all I see_

_Painted faces, fill the places I can't reach_

_You know that I could use somebody_

_You know that I could use somebody_

_Someone like you and all you know and how you speak_

_Countless lovers, undercover of the street_

_You know that I could use somebody_

_You know that I could use somebody_

_Someone like you_

There are many things that I love about Kings of Leon. Unfortunately, hearing Caleb Followill's voice blaring through the alarm clock at 4:00 a.m. isn't one of them. I reached over towards the bedside table, successfully managing not only to knock over my phone, but also to push the alarm clock to the floor. I sighed loudly as I sat up in bed; placing both feet on the floor, I leaned down to pick up the alarm clock and finally shut the bitch off. This was not going to be a good morning; I could already feel the hate seething out of me. I groaned internally and laid back down into the plush pillows.

I looked over at the beautiful creature that was sleeping so very peacefully beside me. I hated to wake him. The dark circles underneath his eyes were getting progressively darker every day; his new internship at Charleston Memorial Hospital was really kicking his ass lately. One of the standard residents had been fired two weeks ago, and they had been short on interns for the past couple of months now. Edward had been picking up double shifts these past few weeks; it had most definitely taken a toll on our time spent together, or rather lack thereof.

Don't get me wrong-the money had been great and we absolutely needed it. The problem was, since he had been practically living at the hospital, he became a walking zombie whenever he had any time at home. We never saw each other unless it was right before we went to sleep or first thing in the morning. I missed him. I missed his touch. I missed his laugh. I missed his smell. I missed his lips. Well, you get the picture.

I missed _us_.

I turned onto my side and reached over, running my hand up and down his bare stomach, enjoying the softness of the small patch of hair that resided at the top of his chest. I loved getting the chance to just watch him. Seeing his chest rise and fall with each breath that he takes mesmerized me. I loved the calmness that overcame him when he was asleep. He looked so at peace and content.

It amazed me that after six years, I still couldn't manage to keep my hands off of his body. A lot had changed in those six years, the main one being that we finally tied the knot two years ago, after living together in sin for two years before that. I never regretted anything with Edward, though; while society had other ideas, we had done things in just the right order to suit us. We actually had been friends before we started anything romantic. The funniest thing was not knowing that we were in fact in love with each other.

Edward and I had been friends for a couple of years and somehow during that time managed to form much stronger feelings for one another. Unfortunately, we let time slip by without letting each other know the way that we actually felt. Our stubbornness had resulted in countless meaningless relationships and having my heart broken twice. Of course, Edward was there to help pick up all the pieces. Even then, I didn't see it though. I can still remember the day that the light finally came on for both of us – the day that we finally revealed our true feelings.

----------------------

It was the day of my high school graduation. I was so excited to be done with school at last. I would finally be getting my feet out into the adult world, and I was more than ready. I was mostly excited about what was to come. I had received a full scholarship to the College of Charleston and couldn't wait to get my bachelors degree in Journalism. I also couldn't wait to get the hell out of Renee's house.

High school had not been the greatest experience for me to begin with. Halfway through my freshman year, I had to uproot the current life I had been living in Phoenix, Arizona and move 2,166 miles away to Charleston, South Carolina to live with my mother Renee. Well, my mother for all intents and purposes at least.

That was the year that my dad Charlie, had been killed in an accident involving a drunk teen-age driver. My dad had been everything to me; he was my best friend at the time. I didn't even know Renee. Mostly due to the fact that she sucked at being a mother and decided to walk the fuck out on Charlie and me when I was just 3 years old, which was fine by me. I didn't need her anyways; I had Charlie-_had_ being the operative word.

When it finally hit me that Charlie was indeed gone and never coming back, I completely fucking lost it. I went off the deep end. The Bella that had once been so full of life and adventure had left and been replaced by a girl who was only a hollow shell of her former self. Needless to say, I was in a constant state of depression at all times. Eventually, I just felt numb to any particular emotion at all. Days would go by before I would touch a single speck of food. I would fill the bathtub with water and just lie in it for hours, contemplating why I shouldn't just sink down and let the water slowly seep into my lungs. But still, I always managed to come up gasping for air instead of letting the numbness wash over me. I decided I would just have to deal with the way things were.

Then Alice Cullen came along. At first, I shut her out just like I had done with everyone else. Whenever anyone had heard about my dad passing away, they would always try to play the fucking pity card with me. I hated that. I didn't want their pity. I didn't want anything from anyone. Usually they would end up running their mouth about me being some "emo" or "psycho" girl that needed serious help.

Once I realized that Alice was unlike anyone I had ever met, I slowly started giving her the benefit of the doubt. Now looking back at it, if it hadn't been for her, I might very well have drowned in my own misery. She not only pulled me out of my darkest times, but she also showed me how to trust people again and how to love someone unconditionally. Soon the Cullen's became like my own family, especially when I began to spend every other night over at their house.

I remember first meeting Edward - he came off as a cocky, arrogant asshole. He had this way about him that just screamed, "I know it all!" Naturally, when Alice proclaimed to me that I would be marrying her brother one day, I thought she had lost her fucking mind. Of course looking back now, I have been starting to think that Alice may have known what the hell she was talking about; she had this way of knowing things of the heart. By the time our high school graduation rolled around, I was really starting to believe everything that she had predicted about Edward and me.

Over the past few years we had actually become best friends. He wasn't as arrogant and self-absorbed as he appeared to be. He used this exterior shell to keep from getting hurt by others – much like I did. Eventually we got to know anything and everything about each other. I started hanging out with him as much as I was hanging out with Alice, which was fine with her because throughout our junior and senior years she was pretty much attached at the hip with Jasper. We would talk about all sorts of things. I would be having trouble with a guy and needing advice on the next move to make; he would be having trouble deciding on which girl to pick to go out with. I would help with his English; he would help me with Algebra. We each would give a little and take a little, and I slowly began to find myself becoming more and more drawn to Edward.

The night of graduation, Alice threw a huge party at her house. There were so many people there that I barely recognized half of them. I made my way around the room making sure to greet everyone that I knew. I looked up and saw Alice standing with, of course, none other than Jasper, the love of her life. They were in the corner of the room making some type of alcoholic concoction. Just as I was making my way across the floor, my flip-flop caught on the carpet and I fell face first toward the ground. All of a sudden two strong arms caught me, and as I looked up I was met with the most beautifully green eyes that were ever created. It was _him_. It was my Edward.

"Thank you," I managed to croak out. I didn't know if it was the amount of alcohol I had drank already or the way the lights were set, but when I looked up at him I felt something that I had never experienced before. It felt like my heart was going to come out of my chest and my stomach was fluttering away with butterflies.

"I'll always be here to catch you, Bella," he said in a deep gravelly voice.

His hands were still gripped firmly onto my arms, and I could feel an intense amount of heat coming through his body. I looked down to where his hands were placed on my arms and felt him instantly release them. As soon as his skin left mine, I was immediately craving the singeing heat of his embrace.

"Oh, sorry; I didn't mean to..." his voice trailed off as his eyes met mine again.

Trying to undo the uncomfortable situation, I decided to ignore this new feeling that had overcome me and try to move on with the night.

"So, some party huh? I don't even know half the people that Alice invited." I said with a light laugh.

"Yeah I don't think Alice even knows who half of these people are. Emmett kind of took it upon himself to invite a bunch of people from work and I guess word gets out fast." he said with a chuckle.

I looked up to the DJ who was yelling about something, but I couldn't make out a word of it over the volume of everyone talking. I watched as people made their way out onto the dance floor as _Right Thurr _by Chingy came on.

I watched as all the girls strolled out onto the dance floor and started grinding up on each other. You could easily tell that they were all begging for some attention. When the chorus line would come through the speakers, the girls would sing along with the lyrics. Glancing around the room, I could tell that the girls were getting just what they wanted-attention from all of the male species in the room.

I glanced over at Edward who was staring over towards the dance floor.

"See something you like?" I asked with a giggle. I knew that I secretly wanted Edward to be looking at _me_ the way that he looked at the other girls. But he couldn't possibly think of me in that way. I wasn't like all of the other girls; I was just plain and ordinary. Alice could dress me in anything she liked, but I'd still be just as unnoticeable.

He turned towards me with an odd expression on his face. I'd seen Edward with lots of different facial expressions throughout the years, but for some reason this specific one I couldn't quite place.

"As a matter of fact I do," he mumbled barely above a whisper. He remained standing right in front of me staring almost straight through me.

"Do you wanna dance?" he asked.

"Umm, you know I can't dance. I can barely manage to walk most of the time." I laughed.

"Hmm, well that wasn't the answer I was looking for Bella," he responded. Edward then grabbed me by my arm dragging me out onto the dance floor.

Once we got out there, we caught the end of the song just as another one began to play. As _All I Have_ by Jennifer Lopez started to play through the speakers, I gradually found my hips swaying from side to side with the beat of the music. Edward had let go of my arm so we were dancing close but weren't touching.

I finally looked up from my feet and was met with his intense green eyes. I watched as his hands reached towards me and rested on my hips. He gave me a little tug bringing me closer to him. It was odd to me that being in this particular position with Edward didn't feel at all weird. In fact it was quite the opposite. I found my breathing getting heavier and my stomach tightening up. Edward must have sensed the tensing of my muscles, because he gently ran his hands up and down my sides and that was all it took for me to melt in to his touch.

I looked back across the room and was met with Alice's eyes gleaming back at me. A mischievous grin came across her lips, and she gave me a little wink before turning completely around and waltzing over towards the DJ. Booth. I watched Jasper stand there with a look of complete confusion. He should be used to Alice's ways by now; he'd been having to put up with them for years.

The song began to wind down and I heard the DJ announce that the next song went out to two special people. I would kill Alice.

As what sounded like a slow 80's ballad began to play, Edward let out a soft sigh and pulled me even closer to him. I felt his hands slide to my back and rest right above my jeans and we started to sway ever so slightly. I listened to the lyrics as we moved to the music.

_How can I convince you_

_what you see is real_

_Who am I to blame you_

_for doubting what you feel_

_I was always reaching_

_You were just a girl I knew_

_I took for granted the friend I have in you_

_I was living for a dream,_

_loving for a moment_

_Taking on the world,_

_that was just my style_

_Now I look into your eyes,_

_I can see forever_

_The search is over,_

_you were with me all the while_

As I continued to listen to the words, the meaning to them began to wash over me. I felt so much emotion in that moment that I thought I might burst. I lifted my head from Edwards' chest and glanced up into his eyes to search for the truth that they held. I knew what I wanted to find, but would it be there?

I watched as his tongue darted out to lick his bottom lip. His eyes dropped from mine and I could see that he was now watching my lips. He slowly leaned down and gently pressed his lips to mine and then took my bottom lip into his mouth, sucking on it. In that moment my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. It felt like an electrical current was surging through my veins replacing the blood that once flowed through them. I quickly reciprocated his actions and began to kiss him with as much fervor as I could manage.

Once I reached the point where I actually needed to breathe, I regretfully pulled away. I looked up to Edward and began to grin at the look that was plastered onto his face. He looked like a kid in a candy store.

"Bella...I...you...man, that kiss was fucking amazing." he managed to utter out.

"Yes, yes it was." I, of course, began to blush profusely. Stupid fucking blushing-it never let me keep anything to myself.

Edward reached up, brushing his hand across my cheek.

"I love that. Your emotions are never hidden from me. That's just one of the many things I love about you." he remarked.

Unfortunately, he couldn't have been more wrong. My emotions were, in fact, very hidden from him. They had been for some time now. The feelings that I had been developing over the past months had been far from friendship.

I was mulling over the words that he'd just spoken. He loved several things about me. Well of course,I loved lots of things about him as well. He hadn't said he loved me. He loved _things_ about me. There was a difference between the two. Did I want him to mean the other thing? _That he loved me?_ Edward couldn't possibly love me, we were best friends. He didn't look at me as anything more than someone to gain girl advice from. I was his shoulder to cry on, so to speak. Unfortunately that was all that he was making himself to me as well, although I found myself wanting more from him.

All of a sudden, with that revelation, things seemed to make so much more sense. Like the fact that even though we were just friends, when he brought up dating other girls I would become jealous. Or when we would hug each other goodbye I always hated to let go of him. Sometimes when I would spend the night at the Cullen's, I would find myself wanting to go crawl into Edward's bed instead of being in the room with Alice. Of course, I was constantly pushing those feelings to the side. I never let myself believe that what I was feeling towards Edward was anything more than a crush. Although if I were being honest with myself, the feelings that I had for Edward were nothing like those of someone that I simply _liked_.

"You in there?"

I blinked and looked up to see Edward looking at me with a grin. I must have totally been spacing out.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about some things." I quickly replied.

"Would any of those_ things_ have to do with me?" he asked with a slight smirk.

I felt the heat rise to my cheeks and I was immediately annoyed at myself for clearly answering him without uttering a single word.

"Aha! That's what I thought. Hmm, and what sorts of things were you thinking about me?" he requested, clearly not letting this go.

I let out a sigh. I wasn't sure how he would react to the truth, but I have never lied to Edward and I didn't exactly want to start now.

"Okay here's the thing. That kiss that we just had was...just...wow. It was so fucking great Edward. I honestly think that I've wanted to kiss you like that for a long time now. So, I know that you probably think that it was no big deal and you just want to forget that it even happened but …"

"Bella, whoa calm down. Breathe. Okay, first of all you're wrong in your assumptions. It was a _very_ big deal. I wouldn't have kissed you for no reason. In fact, if we're going to be completely honest with each other then I've got to let you know that I've wanted to know how your lips taste for quite some time now," he replied.

I stared back at him gawking. I couldn't believe the words that just left his mouth. All of this time he had felt that way and I always thought that he only thought of me as just some girl that he happened to become friends with. I wanted to tell him so much more, but I didn't know how. The friendship we had was so precious that I wasn't sure if I wanted to risk losing it. Was letting Edward know how I really felt and hoping that he felt the same worth possibly losing my best friend? I felt sick to my stomach contemplating the idea. The whole "you can't have your cake and eat it too" saying was rolling around in my head. Maybe having Edward at all was as much as I could get; trying to force my feelings on him could push it. However, could I really live with loving my best friend and never being able to act on it? Why did this have to be so fucking complicated? When you love someone, you should simply be able to let it out.

Edward grabbed my hand pulling it up to his mouth and giving it a light kiss. Looking into his eyes, I knew then what I had to do. Unfortunately, the uneasy feeling was now back in the pit of my stomach. I knew that even though I was scared, this was the right thing to do.

"Come on, it's too loud in here and I'm sure you wouldn't mind sitting down for a while."

I nodded.

Edward pulled my hand as I followed behind him. We made our way up the stairs and took the door on the left into his bedroom. I watched as he walked over and plopped down onto his bed. Standing there, I contemplated my next move. Do I go sit on the bed with him or should I go sit at his desk maybe? I knew where I _wanted_ to sit, but I didn't want to just assume that he was okay with that.

Edward reached towards his bedside table and picked up one of his most prized possessions, his iPod. The soft sounds of Otis Redding flowed through the room. Edward looked up to me and patted the bed, motioning for me to come and sit beside him.

I made my way over to his bed and gently sat down on his plush comforter. As soon as I was seated, I felt my tense shoulders finally start to loosen up. I was starting to feel a little at ease for the first time all night. I looked over at Edward watching him sit silently as if he were trying to think of what to say.

"So, are you excited about going to CofC? Only a couple of months away now." Edward asked. I looked up and was met with his beautiful green eyes staring intensely at me. I was definitely going to miss _those _eyes.

"Yeah I guess. I'm as ready as I will be. I mean, I'm thrilled to be out of high-school and more so relieved to be getting the hell out of Renee's house, but I don't know what I'm going to do without all you guys. You and Jasper are going all the way to UNC and Alice and Emmett will be at USC. I'm just really gonna miss all of you." I sighed. I could feel the back of my throat tightening up. I would not get upset again about this.

"Aw come on, you'll have Rose there with you. I'm sure y'all will have a great time. Plus, we will only be a couple of hours from each other and always just a phone call away," Edward replied, earning him an eye-roll from me. Rosalie and I hadn't exactly been the best of friends. She was just totally different from me. Rose was conceited, arrogant and bitchy; of course that was what she portrayed on the outside. I'd seen what was really inside her on rare occasions. I hoped to see that side more often when we became roommates that fall.

"Well, regardless I'm sure you'll be fine. You've always managed to adjust well to new situations. You never let things stand in your way. Hell, I don't think you're scared of anyone or anything," he complimented.

I almost wanted to laugh at how inaccurate his last statement was. Not being scared of things. The very thing I wanted to say to Edward right in this moment wouldn't come out precisely because I was scared. Those three little words scared the hell out of me. I had only spoken them to one other man in my entire life; my daddy. I knew that I felt those three words often when I was around Edward, but actually being able to come out and say them was a whole other story.

I turned my face away from him, hoping to possibly conceal some of the emotion behind what I was about to say to him.

"Edward, I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of the future, of the past. I'm scared of what I've done, of who I am. And most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel…when I'm with you." the last part coming out barely above a whisper.

The only response I heard from him was silence. I couldn't force myself to turn around and see what type of reaction he had to my words. I could feel my eyes starting to tear up and quickly blinked a few times trying to prevent the tears from escaping. Suddenly I felt Edward's hand on my back. I heard him let out a soft sigh as he ran his hand up and down my back.

I couldn't stand it any longer, I had to look. I had to see Edward's face, read his eyes. I slowly turned my body to face his once again. My eyes still wouldn't allow me to look up into his. I continued staring down at my lap as I watched his hand lay across my knee and give it a slight squeeze. He moved in closer to me and I could barely feel his warm breath wash over me.

Edward brought his hand up and placed it on my chin gently lifting it so that my eyes finally met his. The expression that I saw displayed on his beautiful face was one that I had seen on a few occasions. It was a combination of desperation, longing, and weakness.

"Bella, I love you. I always have. Did you know that?"

That was it-all it took to break the dam that was holding back my silent tears. I could feel that tight lump beginning to form in the back of my throat. I fucking hated to cry.

I grabbed his arms, enveloping him into a hug and reaching my hands behind him, grabbing tightly onto the back of his shirt. I took in a quick breath and was met with the most wonderful smell. Edward had this scent that was calming and addictive I slowly brought my face towards his neck, letting my lips rest right beside his ear. I was sure he could feel my breath on his ear because I watched the little bumps form underneath his lobe and down his neck.

"I love you...too." I whispered.

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Seeing that it was now 4:20 I decided that I had no choice but to wake up Edward. The last thing I wanted was for him to be late for work. He certainly didn't need any extra stress related to his job.

"Edward, honey, wake up." I cooed.

Of course he sleeps like a log, the man could sleep through a category 5 hurricane. Okay, so moving on to phase two. I reached over, gently shaking his shoulder.

"Edward it's 4:20. Come on; you gotta get up and get ready or you're gonna be late," I said raising my voice slightly. Again, nothing. Well he did twitch his lip a little bit to at least acknowledge the fact that he heard something.

Moving on to phase three, the last and my personal favorite way of waking up my husband. I sat up in the bed, sliding the covers down to the end of the bed. As I got up onto my knees, I scooted over closer to his side of the bed. Once I was right beside him I lifted up my right leg swinging it over his hips and placing it on the other side of him. Finally straddling him, I leaned down and was met with his sweet musky scent that always got me going. I took a deep breath in, wanting his fuck-hot scent to be forever engrained into my memory.

When I was satisfied with the way I was seated on top of him, I slowly began to grind my hips into his. I leaned down pressing my breasts into his chest. As I let my hands crawl up the sides of his firm body they eventually found a home entwined into his thick, copper brown locks. After about 30 seconds of this, I realized a part of Edward was indeed awake; although his eyelids were still shut tightly. I could feel his hard cock pressing into my lower abdomen causing me to push harder into him. I looked down at his innocent face; he was obviously completely oblivious to what his lower half was doing at this very moment. I couldn't fight the urge to kiss his lips anymore, leaning down I placed a very soft, chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth. I then let my tongue dart out as I traced both his top and bottom lips.

Apparently, that broke sleeping beauty's slumber, because I watched as Edward's eyes slowly fluttered open. The first look that came across his face was one of confusion, it soon changed to surprise and then finally straight to pure lust. I let out a gasp as his hands immediately went to my hips, squeezing each side tightly.

Edward began to run his hands up and down my sides. He would lightly graze the sides of my breasts each time his hands glided back up. I could instantly feel my nipples begin to react; judging by the smirk on Edwards face he could tell as well. Finally, he let one of his hands slide underneath my tank top and lightly squeeze my left breast. As his thumb rubbed across my nipple, I let out a soft moan.

As he moved his hand over to give my other breast some attention, he pushed his hips up towards me, letting me feel exactly how excited he was. When I felt his hardness rub against me, it made me want to rip his clothes off and ride him senseless. He pulled me down so that my upper body was aligned with his, my nipples brushed across his bare chest sending little sensations straight down to my lower half.

I let out a groan. I hated how he could make me want him so badly. Especially when he knew that we couldn't do anything due to the fact that my birth control was inactive at the moment. Seeing that we hadn't purchased condoms in several years, that particular option was out of the question as well. Edward always complained about not being able to "feel" me while wearing a rubber. He decided that my birth control pills were enough protection and that he wouldn't be buying any more condoms. I'll bet he was regretting that remark at this moment.

"You know you need to stop. We can't do anything until Wednesday. Remember, antibiotics means zero birth control," I said with a sigh. I slid my leg off him and lay down on my side facing him.

"Aw come on Bell. We've been married for over two years. We're both done with school and we have a substantial amount of income. I don't think it would be such a bad thing if the birth control failed."

I sighed loudly.

"Edward, we've already had this discussion how many times now? You know that I'm not ready for babies yet. You promised me the last time that we talked about it that you wouldn't bring it up again until I was ready, yet here we are having the same conversation. Nothing has changed," I replied clearly frustrated with the situation.

"I know. I'm not trying to push you in to anything. I guess I just...I kind of expected you to be ready by now. I mean look at your friends, they all have had at least one baby. I guess I just figured you would be ready. But you're apparently not," Edward replied with a frown.

"Okay, first of all not all of my friends have babies. Alice hasn't gotten pregnant, yet. Besides that when have you known me to be the one to follow along with what everyone else is doing? I'm not just going to go get knocked up because I'm the only one without a kid, Edward. I've told you before I'm just NOT ready. You've said that you're okay with that, but you evidently aren't." I sighed. I sat up on the bed and let my feet fall to hang over the edge. I hated arguing with Edward. I didn't want to spend what little bit of time we did have together getting upset over petty things.

I heard Edward get up from his side of the bed. I assumed he was heading towards the bathroom to get ready for work. Instead I found him walking over to my side. He squatted down towards the floor staring into my eyes. Reaching out he grabbed my hand squeezing it tightly.

"Bella, I've told you I'll wait for as long as you need. I've been ready; hell, I was ready to have children with you before we even got married. You know that. But I think that I've been pretty patient. I don't mind waiting until you are completely ready for all of it. I just want you to also know that the only reason I bring it up is as a reminder. I can't wait till the day that you are carrying my child." He reached over and rubbed my stomach lightly.

"I'm sorry, Edward, for jumping on you like that. And I'm also sorry for making you have to wait this long." I really did feel bad that I was keeping Edward from having a part of his dream. I just hadn't been ready to become a mother yet. I felt that if I just jumped into it, not having the right mindset, then I'd wind up being a terrible mother. The last thing I wanted was to have my children be treated the way my own mother had treated me.

"Don't be sorry for needing to wait. I'll wait with you for as long as you need." Edward said as he leaned over to give me a quick kiss. I watched him hop up from the floor and make his way into the bathroom.

As I heard the shower knobs turn and water begin to cascade down the shower walls I sat and thought of all the reasons I wasn't ready to become a mother. I thought about my own mother. I couldn't figure out how anyone could walk out on their own child, a three year-old at that. What could have happened to cause a woman to just turn her back on the very thing that she brought in to this world? Maybe some people just aren't meant to have children and be parents.

Was I one of those people?

Edward didn't deserve to have to wait on me, to wait for his dream to come true. What was he keeping me from accomplishing? Not a single thing. In fact, Edward had helped make all of my dreams come true. Every single one of them.

So why couldn't I allow him to carry out his?

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**A/N:** Hmm...so what do you guys think so far? Sorry for the cock-blocking at the end :( I assure you that there will be plenty of time for lovin later on :D Please leave me a review if you are enjoying this so far...if you hate it, you can also leave some criticism :P


	3. Perfezione

**A/N: Okay, this is kind of a long author note, but please actually read it! lol First off, I want to apologize for this chapter taking forever to get out, there were numerous problems that kept me from getting it out sooner, everything from my birthday being in August, to writer's block, to finding out some confusing/surprising news, to having beta troubles...sigh. August was just not my month, hoping that September will be much better! On the plus note, I am already half-way through writing the next chapter!!! :) Please, hang in there with me!**

**Okay so, I need to thank a few wonderful people, that without them, this chapter wouldn't have happened. I was having some beta trouble and bumming really bad, but fortunately I had Melissa (mcc101180) step in and beta the chapter, so to her I am ever greatful! Also, I wanna thank my girl Yonni (bellacellaluna), she read my lemon for me and talked me off a cliff. haha Lastly,Thanks to Pam (Pamela0201) her kind words spoke wonders to me! Love you girls...hard!!! Also thanks to PTB.**

**Okay Two-things! First: there is now a thread on Twilighted for Come a Little Closer Baby, the link is on my profile!!! Thanks to the wonderful juliamine for creating it! So, come over and play and I will post teasers/ answer questions. :)**

**Second: I have entered the Twilight Twenty-Five challenge, the information is on my profile. It's a pretty cool thing! I posted my first drabble under the "Twilight twentyfive" fic.**

**Okay without further interuption....**

**Disclaimer: As always, I do NOT own Twilight...I do own naughty pictures of Eric Northman :)**

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I knew from a very early age that becoming a mother was not something that I aspired to do. I'd never had any sisters to play baby dolls with. In fact, most of my early friendships were with males. Charlie always felt as though he was hindering me from the typical childhood that every little girl should partake in. In reality, I really could have cared less for playing with plastic fucking dolls. To me it all seemed so lame. Changing diapers, giving bottles and listening to incessant crying didn't exactly sound like the most thrilling thing, in my opinion. That was one particular view that really hadn't changed as I'd grown up.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I was a complete frivolous bitch that hated babies. I did appreciate when someone brought a new life into the world. I actually admired some women who took on the mommy role. Take Rose, for example. Motherhood had completely changed her, for the better. She had given one hundred percent of herself to her two little boys. If you had asked me a few years ago what I thought about Rose being a mother, I probably would have laughed my ass off. Looking at her now, I see that motherhood is actually what she was made to do. She absolutely adored being a stay at home mom and I thought it was great – for _her_.

It's not that I _never_ wanted to have kids. I did eventually want to have children; I just didn't see the need to rush into anything. I knew that I wasn't in the right place to have a child and be the kind of mother that I needed to be. Compared to my own mother, I think that I could safely say that doing the exact opposite of everything she did, would be the correct way of parenting. Apparently, when my mother had me, she didn't actually want to take on the responsibility of being a mom. She took the easy way out. This was the main reason that I knew in my heart, that I should wait to have a child. I just had a feeling that when it was time, I'd know.

Edward and I had always shared the same view on parenthood, or so I thought. Everything had been fine up until a few months ago. That was the first time we'd had the "why-not-go-ahead-and-have-a-baby-now?" discussion. We had just come home from the hospital after seeing Rose and Emmett's second son being born. I noticed Edward acting different at the hospital and he was unusually silent on the car ride home. Sure enough, the minute we got inside of the house, he threw out the eight worst words I had ever heard come from his mouth: "I think we're ready to have a baby." The worst part was that I started laughing, because I honestly thought he was kidding.

Since the first discussion- well, more like argument- we've had a couple others leading to the same baby talk. I was frustrated with Edward because I felt like he'd bailed on me. We had both talked about wanting to wait for a while. We both had things we wanted to accomplish before we had children. We had places that we wanted to visit. That was part of the plan; part of _our_ plan. Apparently, it was only my plan now. Edward's plan now included making a baby.

How could he just change his mind on me? In all the time that I had known Edward, his views and dreams were two of the things that had not changed –until now.

The one thing that gave me any sort of hope was that he said he would wait for me to be ready to have children. I knew deep down inside that he would; although lately, my conscience weighed heavily upon my heart. I couldn't help but feel that I was hindering him from something that he clearly wanted. Edward said that he didn't mind waiting, but how long would he have to wait on me to catch up?

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I sat at my cluttered desk trying to figure out how in the hell I was able to turn a perfectly clean room into a disaster area in a matter of hours. I had roughly forty-two hours to finish my article, and I was nowhere near being done with even a first draft. I usually didn't wait until Friday to finish assignments, but this particular week had been hectic and I dreaded having to write the damn thing. It was so easy to write when the subject matter interested me. On the other, hand it was absolutely torturous if the topic I had to write about was mind-numbingly boring.

The article that I was currently working on was simply about the South Carolina unemployment rate. I had to depict the rise and fall of jobless South Carolinians through the past three months, while also making my predictions for the future. That was definitely not the kind of article I looked forward to sitting down and writing. I generally liked to stay away from politics and religion. Those two subjects were just too opinionated for my taste. Of course, with the fact that I was still new to the journalism world, I pretty much had to willingly take any assignment I could get.

Once I had gotten all of the pages that were strewn around the desk settled into one pile and all of my stray candy wrappers thrown in the trash, I opened up my laptop and decided it was now or never to get my article finished. Just as I was getting ready to type out my first sentence, I heard a knock on the office door.

"It's open," I yelled.

Edward opened the door, peeking in through the small crack. I saw a sly smirk spreading across his handsome face. He was dressed in his dark green scrubs and he looked good enough to eat–or fuck. One of the two. It had been nearly a week since Edward and I had been intimate, and I was having major peen withdrawal.

"Just making sure that it was my wife who was in here. I heard noises coming from the other side of the door that sounded more like a burglar ripping apart this room," he said with a laugh. I watched him take a step into the room as he ran his fingers through his bronze hair.

"It's not funny, Mister. I don't have much time before this deadline and I don't even have a first draft ready to review," I said with a sigh. I could feel the frown forming on my face.

Edward walked across the room to where I sat. I could smell his sexy scent as soon as he entered the room, and his bronze hair was still slightly wet from the shower. He squatted down on the floor so that his face was level with mine. I stared intently into his deep green eyes and watched as his hands moved toward my stomach. He began to tickle me furiously.

"Edward, stop!" I yelled. I let out a loud giggle. He moved his hands from my stomach, running them up my sides, where they found purchase right below my armpits.

"I'm not stopping until you quit sulking," he bargained.

"Okay, okaaay. No more," I said, barely able to control the laugher that followed.

Apparently that answer didn't please him, because his fingers moved faster and harder along my sides, causing me to fall from my chair onto the cushioned carpet.

"I'm waiting, Bella. Say you'll quit being a grouch." He held my arms over my head with his right hand, while his left one played with the hem of my shirt. I felt him circle around my belly button and I let out a squeak.

"Say it...out loud...Say it!" he demanded. He was running his index finger along the waistband of my jeans.

"Okay, okay. I won't be a grouch," I managed to croak out. I felt my stomach clench up.

I felt his hand ease out from my jeans and I immediately let out a groan. I was extremely sexually frustrated, and I needed immediate relief. I was almost to the point of relieving it myself.

Edward was settled above me, and his hands sweetly cradled my face. I let out a loud sigh and watched as a smirk spread along his lips.

"Oh, don't worry. I'll finish what I started when I get home tonight." Edward leaned down and gave me a quick kiss on the forehead before hopping up from the floor. I laughed as he adjusted his scrub bottoms. He gave me a dirty look, but then extended his hand to help me up from my spot on the carpet.

"I'm counting on it," I stated, as I made my way back to my desk chair and glared at the computer screen.

"Bella, you do this every time. You're gonna write an excellent article, you always do." Edward leaned down and pulled me to him, hugging me tightly. I could feel his heart racing inside of his chest, and it sounded beautiful to me. After giving me a tight squeeze, he placed a soft kiss on my forehead then stood up and headed toward the office door.

"Well, I have to run, hon. Call me if you need anything. I should be home around six, six-thirty." He walked out into the hallway before turning around and grabbing the doorknob.

"I love you," he called before shutting the office door.

"Love you more!" I shouted, hoping that he could hear me through our thick, soundproof walls.

I spent the next six hours at my desk working on finishing up my article. I had re-worked my first and second drafts and had finally begun draft number three. I heard my stomach growl loudly and realized I had yet to eat anything. I knew that I could be done with my article within the next hour after making a few minor changes, so I ignored the rumbling sounds and began making the changes for what I hoped would be my final draft.

Finally satisfied with the article, I read through it quickly one last time before sending it off to the newspaper. I checked my email and Twitter account, looking to see what everyone was up to. I read that Rose was hating potty training; Alice was, of course, out on the town shopping. Emmett's Twitter status was by far the funniest: he had taken a picture with his iPhone of him sitting on the little Elmo toddler potty. He looked like he was going to break the damn thing. The caption read: I'm a big kid now. Emmett was someone who hadn't really changed much since high school–okay well more like since he was seven. I think that Emmett will forever be a big kid. The strangest thing was that he chose one of the most grown-up jobs out there. Being a firefighter for the Charleston Fire Department was a pretty intense occupation, and he took his job very seriously.

Just as I was about to write my mother an email, my stomach decided to rumble yet again, reminding me of the unhappiness it was feeling from being empty all day.

"Okay, okay. Let's go eat," I assured it.

Shutting off my laptop, I closed it and walked out of the office heading towards the kitchen. As soon as I reached the tiled floor, I knew exactly what I wanted to eat– a peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich. It had been forever since I had eaten one, mostly because I usually stuck with leafy green things for lunch.

Once I finished spreading the Jif and strawberry preserves, I sat down at the kitchen counter and engulfed my delicious sandwich. Every time I had a PB & J it made me think of Charlie. Charlie couldn't cook to save his life, but he made the best damn peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. He would always cut them diagonally as opposed to straight down the middle, a habit that I had inherited from him. As I took the last bite of sandwich I felt the back of my throat begin to have that all too familiar feeling. My eyes were starting to water, while my throat got tighter. I didn't understand how, after all this time, I still couldn't think about Charlie without wanting to cry. The pain had never really subsided and I was beginning to think that it never would.

I decided to wipe down the granite counter-tops and make sure the rest of the kitchen was spotless. I didn't want to have to clean it before I started supper tonight. I still wasn't sure what I was going to fix; I figured I'd text Edward in a little while and ask to see what he wanted for dinner.

I got out the Pine-Sol and mopped the kitchen floor twice for good measure. Just as I was about to start on the stainless steel of the refrigerator, I heard my cell phone ringing from the living room. The Katy Perry ringtone was a dead giveaway to the identity of the caller. I made it in to the room and grabbed the phone on what I assumed was most likely the last ring.

"Hey, skank," I greeted.

"Hey, hoochie," Alice retorted.

"Wow. Hoochie, you're really taken it back in the day," I laughed.

"Speaking of back in the day, you'll never guess who came in to the bakery today," Alice said.

Alice had owned her own bakery "Flour Power" for over 4 years now. She started out baking wedding and specialty type cakes from her own kitchen and from that it had grown into what it was today. She specialized in making wedding cakes for high profile weddings, but she also did a wide variety of other cakes and desserts.

"Ugh, Bella? Hello, are you listening to me at all?" Alice questioned, sounding clearly annoyed.

"Yes, who was it that came in to the bakery? Don't make me have to guess," I whined.

"Mike fricken Newton," Alice laughed loudly.

I nearly spit out my Dr. Pepper. Mike and I had dated briefly my junior year. Long story short, on the night that we were going to have sex for the first time, I found him in bed with Jessica Stanley, one of the most notorious sluts of North Charleston High School. I was absolutely devastated, mostly due to the fact that Mike was going to be the guy that I was going to give my virginity to. It felt like a slap in the face to see him humping another girl, in the very bed that I was supposed to be on. I,of course, made a bigger deal out of it then what it really was and cried for days afterward. It only took me a month to get over his ass.

"Yeah, and homeboy put on the pounds. I swear I almost didn't recognize his fat ass," Alice bantered.

"I can't believe that. I thought he moved out to Texas to be with his family."

"Yeah, he did for a couple of years. In fact he just moved back here a few months ago. He has a wedding to attend," Alice replied.

"Hmm, lemme guess, Eric Yorkie's. No wait Tyler Crowley is finally going to marry Lauren Mallory, right?"

"Actually Mike came in to pay for _his_ wedding cake," Alice said.

"Wow. Well good for him for finding a nice girl to settle down with," I stated, trying to sound sincere as possible.

"Umm yeah, nice would not be a word I would use to describe his future wife," Alice replied hastily.

"Oh you've got to be kidding me. Let me guess, Jessica fucking Stanley. Well, they're a perfect match for one another," I responded nastily.

"Yeah, apparently he got her knocked up a few months ago and they're trying to rush the wedding planning so that her big pregnant belly won't be showing when she walks down the aisle," Alice giggled.

That earned a laugh from me. I would not want to be in that girl's shoes right now–or ever.

"So, what have you been up to all day?" Alice asked.

"I just got finished writing an article for _The State. _Did you know that the unemployment rate for our state has nearly doubled in the past three months?" I asked incredulously.

"Wow, as interesting as that sounds, because believe me it's absolutely fricken captivating," Alice laughed. "But, no I can't say that I was aware, nor do I care to be aware of that thrilling information."

"Well gee thanks for being interested in _my_ work. No, seriously that was the most mind numbing six hours of my life. Oh and then I got to spend the rest of my day cleaning counters and scrubbing floors. Couldn't get much more exciting than that," I sighed.

"So, what are your plans for the evening?" Alice asked.

"Well Edward is off tonight, so..."

Alice cut me off before I could finish. "Hmm, yeah I _so_ don't need to know those details."

"I plan to get rightly fucked tonight, and I'm not talking about alcohol, although it might make an appearance," I laughed, knowing how much Alice hated when I talked about the sexual acts that I was partaking in with her dear brother. On the other hand she found it perfectly fine to inform me of any and all details of her and Jasper's sex life, some of which I definitely could have done without knowing. Let's just say I'll never look at cowboy boots or ReddiWip the same.

Alice groaned loudly, showing her displeasure for the comment that I had just made.

"Well, I've gotta get off here and go take a shower."

"Alright, well just call me tomorrow. Maybe we can get together for lunch or something," Alice said.

"'Kay, love you," I replied sweetly.

"Love ya, too." And with that I heard a click.

----------------------

Seeing as how it was now four-thirty, I decided I had better go ahead and take a shower and get ready before Edward got home. I hopped up the stairs and headed in to the bathroom deciding that I'd much rather take a bubble bath as opposed to a shower. I slowly turned the knobs and listened as the sound of rushing water filled the bathroom. Plugging the tub, I walked over to the cabinet and grabbed out my Mr. Bubble and poured a quarter of the bottle under the cascading water.

I walked into the bedroom; sent Edward a quick text asking him what he wanted me to cook for supper tonight. Then stripped off all of my clothes and made my way back over to the porcelain tub.

I slowly dipped my right foot into the steaming hot water, letting it adjust to the temperature. Once I felt that I could handle the heat, I placed my other foot in and eased my body down into the bathtub. I let the bubbles float up and completely cover my body. It had been a long time since I had taken a bath. I usually opted for showers, for a number of reasons; the main one being the quickness and convenience that the shower offered. I knew that I wouldn't spend over 15 minutes in the shower, whereas I'd been known to spend hours in the tub.

I let the warm water soothe my tired muscles. The longer I sat there, the more I could feel the stress from the day start to fall away. I loved the sweet bubble gum smell that Mr. Bubble provided. It almost made me feel like a little girl again. I lowered myself down into the water, until my hair was completely covered by the water. I quickly washed my hair and shaved my legs. I didn't need to shave anything else because I had been for my weekly waxing.

Once I could clearly see the wrinkles forming on my hands from the overexposure to water, I decided it was probably time to get out of the tub. I pulled myself up and wrapped my cozy blue Egyptian cotton bath towel around me. I already knew what I was going to wear, before I even made it to my dresser. I pulled out my teal baby-doll nightie and matching panties. Edward loved the gown; he had a thing for bows and this one had a huge bow on the front, and my panties had a little bow on the butt.

My phone chimed, letting me know that I had received a message:

_Don't worry about supper, baby. I've got it covered. Love you._

I smiled, looking down at my phone. I was relieved that I wouldn't have to cook tonight, allowing for more time to spend with him. I made the finishing touches to my make-up – which wasn't much. Then pulled my long wavy hair up into its usually ponytail position. In the summer I couldn't stand wearing my hair down, it was just too damn humid.

I made my way down the stairs and decided to fix a glass of Strawberry wine, and lounge in the kitchen for a bit. I glanced over to the clock and noticed that it was now 6:15; Edward should be home any minute. I reached in the kitchen drawer and pulled out my hidden pack of Trident gum, putting two pieces in my mouth. Chewing gum had been a nervous habit of mine for too many years to count, and if there wasn't any gum, my bottom lip didn't enjoy the treatment that it received.

Just as I was about to head back up stairs to the bedroom, I heard the front door open and then the sound of keys hitting the table in the foyer. Then I could feel footsteps making their way in my direction.

"Bella, honey where..." his words stopped as soon as his eyes met mine. I actually felt kind of bad; I mean, I knew that what I was wearing would get a reaction out of him, but a heart attack was not what I was aiming for. I watched as his glazed over eyes slowly roamed up and down my bare skin.

"See something you'd like?" I teased. After all of the fucking teasing he had done to me this past week, I think it was safe to say that the boy could suffer for a bit, too. I watched as his right hand raked through his thick brown hair, leaving his other hand to point at me, and then he flexed his index finger quickly, motioning me to come over to him.

I slowly waltzed over to the end of the counter, never letting my eyes fall from his gorgeous emerald ones, and stopped right in front of him. He reached out taking my right hand. As he lifted it up he twirled it causing me to do a complete turn. I, of course, lost my balance and landed hard against his chest. We both burst into laughter.

"How was your day, honey?" I asked.

Edward placed his hands on my hips and began to slowly run his long fingers up and down my sides. He then placed his hand on the ribbon of my gown. I felt my heart begin to quicken as he traced the pattern with his fingertips.

"It was okay, but it's fixin' to get a lot better," he said with a grin.

I felt his hands ease their way around as they roamed down my back before finally landing straight on my ass. Edward gave my butt a soft squeeze, earning a squeak out of me. I gazed at him as his tongue slipped from his mouth, licking his pink lips. Edward then leaned down painfully slow, before he finally touched my lips, lightly placing a chaste kiss on them. He took my bottom lip gently into his mouth, sucking on it lightly. I let out a quiet whimper and my hands involuntarily wound themselves into his soft, thick hair. Releasing my lip, I felt his tongue ease into my mouth, running it smoothly against mine. I pushed my hips into his now, very hard erection, and he let out a moan, as he continued to devour my lips. When I felt him begin to pull away, I took his tongue into my mouth, firmly sucking on it. Edward leaned back and grinned at me. I watched his mouth as it made a chewing movement.

"Mmm, spearmint," he said, before blowing a bubble in my face and causing me to laugh. I had completely forgotten to spit out my gum before he got home.

Edward walked over to the trashcan, before leaning down and spitting out the gum. Once he was back over to me, I placed my arms around his neck pulling him closer. His hands ran gently up and down my back and I heard him let out a loud sigh.

Suddenly, Edward grabbed my hips firmly and lifted me up onto the cold granite counter. He stood directly in between my legs and I wrapped them around his back causing him to push into me. My gown had ridden up, leaving my panties as my only barrier to him. His face was so close to mine that I could feel his warm breath washing over me. When I looked up at his beautiful face, I could see that little beads of sweat were already beginning to form on his forehead. Edward grinned at me, as I reached up wiping the sweat away.

"What about supper? Aren't you hungry?" I asked.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I _am_ hungry. But not for food," he said.

"There's actually something else I'd like to eat right now," he stated, barely above a whisper. Those words sent shivers throughout my body and I could feel myself becoming even more wet, as I let his words sink in.

I grabbed the bottom hem of his scrub top and pulled it gently over his head. I was entranced by his yummy chest, which was nice and tan from lying out on the beach last week. I couldn't help myself as my fingers slowly traced each and every ridge and crease of his firm stomach. Running my hand up his arm, I slowly traced the Celtic ink. He just stood quietly, watching my every move. I ran my hands all the way up his chest and placed them on his cheeks pulling him towards my lips. I needed to taste him, again.

Once his lips touched mine, all was right. Edward's lips were so soft, such a contrast compared to the swiftness and urgency of his kisses. I let my tongue enter his mouth, seeking out his. His tongue danced with mine, sending little tingles straight down towards my now soaking wet panties, thinking of where his tongue was about to be.

He leaned back, breaking our kiss and began running his hands up and down the back of my calves, gently massaging them. They gradually migrated north and found purchase on the inside of my thighs. My anxiety was increasing with every passing second. It had been too long and this taking things slow deal wasn't helping.

Edward apparently read my mind, because the next thing I knew, he had my panties down my legs and completely discarded in a matter of seconds. The coolness of the granite touching my bare skin was such a contrast to the heat that was pouring out of my body. He eased me back onto the black countertop, while pushing my gown up, leaving me completely bare from my stomach, down.

He placed his hands along my sides and leaned down leaving soft loving kisses all along my midriff. I could feel the muscles in my stomach tighten with anticipation, as his hot breath washed over my skin. He was making his way slowly down towards my hips and I squirmed when he swirled his tongue along the outside of my belly button. I heard a low chuckle come from below.

"Tu sei splendida." Edward whispered onto my skin.

I was close to telling Edward to forget all of the damn foreplay and let's go straight to number one. I honestly didn't know how much more of his teasing I could tolerate. I watched as he kissed a trail along my hip bone moving further south toward the soaking wet spot where I wanted his lips the most. I lay all the way back, letting my long brown hair fan out onto the cold counter. I let my eyes close, as I felt him place soft kisses along my invisible panty line. My hands gripped the hard stone as I felt his mouth touch exactly where I needed it to. Edward lightly placed wet kisses from the top, down to the bottom of my moist folds.

He grabbed each of my calves, lifting them up and placing the soles of my feet onto the edge of the cool granite. Sliding his hands back down my legs, he let them rest along side of my ankles. Once I felt his tongue slide gently up my slit, I thought I was going to die. The second time he applied a little more pressure, causing a whimper to escape my lips. I bit down lightly on my bottom lip trying to contain myself. Edward started moving his tongue at a faster pace, applying more force with each lick. He moved his right hand around my thigh and gripped it tightly, holding my pussy as close to his face as possible. He ran his tongue up around my aching clit and then lightly bit down, causing me to squirm and buck my hips towards him. As he sucked on my nub, I felt one of his long fingers slowly ease into me, causing a moan to fall from my trembling lips. Edward gently worked his finger in and out of me slowly, as his tongue continued to suck on my clit. With each thrust of his finger, he would turn his hand clockwise sliding it into me and then turn it the opposite direction, as he slowly slid it back out. When he added a second finger, I couldn't take it anymore and my hands latched on to his head as I weaved my fingers through his hair, pulling him closer into me.

I propped myself up on my elbows so that I could watch Edward's beautiful mouth at work. He began working his fingers faster into me, adding a little more force with each thrust. I watched his tongue tease my swollen clit, flicking it back and forth. I was getting so close. Edward glanced up at me and his emerald eyes displayed straight lust, as he locked eyes with mine. He knew I was right at the edge; sometimes I thought Edward knew my body better than I did.

Edward pulled one of my legs up, onto his shoulder causing a change of angle that made it easier for him to push deeper inside of me. I grabbed a handful of his bronze hair and pulled him closer to me, while his fingers were working me hard and fast. He took my clit into his mouth and roughly sucked on it.

"Oh my..."That was all it took, I immediately felt my legs begin to shake and little tingles were coming straight up my body from my toes. I lay back on the cool counter, trying to regain my composure and catch my breath. I felt him place a gentle kiss along the outside of my sensitive flesh, before backing away.

When I sat back up, I realized that Edward had removed his scrubs and boxers leaving him to stand completely naked in the kitchen. I couldn't help myself as I looked down towards his hardened cock. I could feel my heart rate quicken with the anticipation of what was to come – literally. Don't get me wrong, I loved Edward's mouth on me but nothing could replace the way he made me feel when he was sheathed inside of me.

Edward grabbed my ass scooting me towards the edge of the counter and crushed his lips to mine. There was no softness in the way that his lips molded to mine, it was urgent and needy. My taste lingered on his moist lips. His tongue darted out frantically in search of mine. I grabbed his bottom lip in between my teeth and bit down on it gently then sucked on it pulling it further into my mouth, before he pulled back causing a popping noise from the loss of suction.

I gazed into his intense eyes silently asking him what he wanted – well, I knew what, but I didn't know how, when and where. Looking around the kitchen, I could see multiple options. Of course, he could want to finish this upstairs in the bedroom. I hoped that he didn't want to go upstairs, mostly because I wasn't sure if my legs could make it.

Edward lifted me up off the counter and placed me onto the tiled floor, the coldness against my hot skin made my toes crinkle. He slowly began to kiss a trail from the base of my neck gradually nibbling his way up towards my ear, my knees began to go weak and I grabbed onto him for some much needed support. I felt his tongue dart out and lightly lick the lobe of my ear before taking it completely in to his mouth. I squirmed a bit, letting out a gasp as I felt his teeth scrape against it, once he released it he softly whispered "Turn around."

I did as I was told and turned my body away from his, letting my stomach touch the cool granite. I felt his firm hands grip my gown as he swiftly pulled it up over my head, tossing it across the room. Edward ran his hand up my back and once he reached my hair, he grabbed my ponytail, sliding the elastic band down, letting my long hair fall over my shoulders and down my back. I felt him take a strand and twirl it around his fingers, pulling it gently before finally releasing it. He brought his hand back down towards the middle of my back and pushed me slightly forward, causing me to bend my upper half along the counter; my nipples immediately hardened at the contact of the cold stone against them.

I could feel his cock pressing against my back as he grabbed my waist and pushed against me, rubbing himself along my ass. He grabbed my hips, tilting them up and began to run his cock up and down my slit, teasing me. I let out a soft moan, as I pushed back in to him. I couldn't take it anymore, the teasing was driving me absolutely fucking crazy. I just wanted to feel him, every inch of him, inside me- now.

"Edward," I moaned. "Please."

I felt his hand come around me, as he placed a single finger to my lips. "Shh." He then placed soft kisses along my shoulder blades, before kissing a trail down my spine and then back up again.

"Cara mia la bella," he spoke softly into my back, as his hands came around to my front, his fingers slowly crawling up my stomach, finally landing on each of my breasts. He squeezed them lightly, as his thumb glided over each of my nipples, causing me to whimper. I leaned back into him and could feel his quickened heart beating against my back. His hands gradually began their descent down my stomach and stopped at my hips. He pushed my hips, causing me to turn around and once again face him.

I looked down at the floor, suddenly feeling self conscience of my naked body. I felt his strong hand tenderly touch my chin, and tilt it up causing me to look into my husband's eyes. He leaned in placing a sweet kiss on my forehead and then on each of my cheeks, before finally placing one onto my lips. He then picked me up, placing me once again onto the black counter-top.

Edward came and stood between my legs, and I felt his cock press into my midriff, as I placed my legs around his back pulling him closer to me. I thought it was time to take things into my own hands, so to speak. I reached down lightly letting my index finger run up and down his cock, eliciting a moan from him. I then grabbed it, guiding him to my soaking wet entrance. I slowly slid his cock up and down my slit, as I bit my bottom lip. Edward grabbed my hand and pushed it roughly, causing just the tip of his cock to enter me and I let out a soft moan. Slowly easing more of himself inside, he groaned loudly. Edward's eyes locked onto mine, and in that brief moment though no words were spoken, his eyes conveyed all of the passion, the devotion, and the love that he continued to feel. He took in a quick breath, before firmly thrusting into me.

"Fuck!" he said loudly.

I softly moaned and pushed into him, causing a grunt to escape him. I missed this feeling, the way I felt when he was filling me entirely. Even when all was wrong in the world, in our brief times like this, I felt all was right – I felt whole.

Once he was completely sheathed inside of me, all of his movement suddenly stopped. Apparently I wasn't the only one who was overly excited. I watched the lines on his face as he slowly began to compose himself and I could start to feel his breathing settle down a bit.

I placed my hands on the edge of the counter for leverage as I began to rock against him, all the while keeping my eyes locked on the deep green ones that were gazing back at me.

The room was silent, except for the sounds of our bare skin meeting one another. We didn't need to fill the silence with any words; all of our emotions came pouring out with our actions. Each touch, each thrust, each lick, each kiss, each moan, each grunt, each breath – was filled with an unsaid understanding of what we were feeling and had been feeling for almost seven years now.

Edward decided to pick up the pace and pushed further in to me, my fingernails digging into his back with each new thrust. I decided to switch up positions and leaned back, gradually laying flat on the counter, bringing my feet to rest on the edge of the granite. I watched Edward grin, as he continued to work himself in and out of my pussy. I reached down touching my left breast and lightly pinching my nipple.

"Mio bellissimo mogile," Edward spoke beautifully and placed his hand on top of mine and squeezed my breast. I grabbed his hand, bringing it up to my mouth and placing a soft tender kiss on it. I took his index finger into my mouth and sucked on it softly as I slid it out.

"Mmm. Damn," he said, before slamming hard into me.

I lifted my right leg up and let it rest along his shoulder. The new angle it created, felt fucking amazing.

We gradually found a steady pace and I let my hands fall back down on the firm granite. Edward ran his right hand up my stomach slowly, eventually winding his fingers through my right hand and pulling it softly above me, setting it on the counter top above my head. He brought his hand back down to my left hand, that was gripped onto the edge of the granite and lifted it, placing it along with my other hand, as he held both of them tightly, above my head. His left hand stayed firmly planted on my hip, using it to pull me to him, each time he thrust into me.

My right leg was starting to cramp up from the position that I had it in. I lowered it back down, letting my foot once again rest on the counter. I looked up into Edward's lust filled eyes, and he looked as though he was almost staring through me. His face was full of concentration and fulfillment. I watched his tongue dart out, before he took his bottom lip in and bit down hard. With each thrust, I felt myself getting closer to my release.

I couldn't take it anymore; I needed to feel all of him. I pulled my hands from his grip and sat up on my elbows. I lifted each of my legs up his chest, letting the back of my knees rest on his shoulders. He looked down at me with a smirk, clearly pleased with the new position. He then lifted my hips as I felt him glide almost out of me, leaving the tip of his cock to rest inside of me. Firmly grabbing my hips, he thrust into me hard, so hard that I thought that I could feel him in my stomach.

"Edward," I gasped.

"Bella," he returned passionately.

Edward gripped his hands around each of my thighs, squeezing them as he found a steady pace again. I started grinding my hips in a circle with each thrust, and started to feel that familiar feeling. I was getting extremely close and I knew Edward wouldn't be able to hold out for much longer either. I rolled my hips into him, pushing myself up and down his cock, meeting each of his quick thrusts.

Edward lowered my legs from his shoulders, wrapping them behind his back again. He leaned down, letting his chest touch mine, each of our chests heaving as we tried to catch our breath. He ran his hand over my forehead, wiping the small amount of sweat that had developed there. He let his hand slide down to rest on my cheek, before he placed a soft kiss on my parched lips. I flexed my legs into his back, causing him to slam into me.

"Fuck, Bella," Edward groaned into my shoulder. I felt him place a feather-light kiss on it, before biting down firmly.

"Only you," I breathed softly.

He began thrusting quickly into me, which only caused me to grind into him that much harder. I could feel that tingly feeling forming inside, my walls were gradually starting to tighten around him. I closed my eyes, and knew I was getting close. I had a feeling he was pretty close, too. Edward would get a concentrated look, his forehead would wrinkle and he his eyes would shut. Its like he purposely controlled his reactions, until he knew that I was close to my own release.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god," I moaned with each thrust.

I felt my release begin to take control of my body. My legs started to shake slightly and I could feel my insides tremble with pleasure.

"Edward, come with me," I panted, barely able to speak as my body was writhing underneath him.

That was apparently all it took for him, because soon enough he was beginning to twitch inside of me, I felt the warm liquid surge into me. He leaned down placing a kiss on my forehead, before sliding completely out of me. I felt empty as soon as he pulled out. I hated that feeling, going from being so completely overwhelmed and fulfilled to becoming almost null and void.

Edward grabbed my butt, effortlessly lifting me off of the counter and held me to his chest, hugging me tightly. After a few seconds, he let go and I felt like my knees were going to give out. As soon as my feet hit the floor, I slid down to the tile, resting my back against the cabinets. All I could think was how thankful I was that I had just mopped the floor a few hours ago. Edward plopped down beside me and lay his arm across my shoulder, pulling me against him.

"God, I love you, woman." He brought his hand up grazing the side of my cheek, then let his hand fall to the back of my neck, pulling me towards him. He kissed my bottom lip tenderly, before pulling it completely into his mouth and sucking on it gingerly. His kisses became more urgent and I weaved my hands into his hair and began to kiss him back with as much fervor. The intensity and passion that was contained within us had never faltered over the years. Suddenly, the silence was broken by the sound of my stomach growling. Edward pulled away grinning.

"Sounds like someone is hungry," Edward laughed as his hand stroked teasingly along my belly.

"Yeah, food sounds good right about now. What'd ya pick up?" I asked.

He pulled the bag over towards us and I saw the "Poogan's Porch" logo on it. Poogan's was the restaurant that he took me to on our first date and I fell in love with the food that night–among other things.

He handed me a plastic container and I could smell the sage gravy and mashed potatoes. I watched as he took out the other container.

We ate in complete silence; somehow the fact that both of us were completely nude didn't even register. I watched as he brought a spoonful of whipped potatoes up to his mouth and gently took the spoon between his plump lips. _Snap out of it, Bella! _We had just made love, not even thirty minutes ago, and I already wanted more. Once we were done eating, Edward grabbed the empty containers and walked over to the trashcan tossing them in. He turned around with a devious look on his face.

"Ready?" Edward asked, breaking the silence.

"Ready for what?" I laughed.

"Ready for round two?"

I had never been more ready for anything in my entire life.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so what did you guys think? You know what helps me write?...REVIEWS!!! Please leave me some love :) Don't make me beg...lol Also, the Italian translations of all the hot things that came out of Edward's sweet mouth, are on my profile :P**


	4. Breaking Down the Walls

**A/N: **Okay, so this of course took longer than I wanted. On a plus note the chapter is over 10k so hopefully that makes up a little bit. I want to thank everyone that has read and reviewed this story, you will never know just how much it means to me! :)

**HUGE thanks to my new beta mcc101180 (Mel) I love you...hard! There is a mention of something in here dedicated to bellacellaluna (Yonni), because I puffy heart her so much. Also, big thanks to juliamine (Becky) for kicking my ass when I need it, and holding my hand when I am emo, I heart you! xoxo**

**Okay, I have started a blog with contents of each chapter (songs, pics,etc): http://tinkermegan68(dot)blogspot(dot)com (link on profile)**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns anything and everything Twilight. I own a sturdy wall (hehe)**

* * *

"_Higher Daddy, I wanna go higher!" I yelled, as I felt two strong hands give me a push from behind._

"_If I push you much higher you'll be flying with the birds, Bellie," Charlie said with a deep chuckle._

"_I want to be a bird Daddy; then I can fly all the way up to heaven and see grandma again," I smiled._

_Charlie pulled the two metal strands far back before releasing them, successfully sending me swooshing through the air. I let out a loud squeal of delight. With each push, I would go higher and higher. _

"_Look Daddy, I can almost touch the clouds with my hands," I said excitedly._

"_Yep, you're reeeally close," Charlie exaggerated. _

_I continued to swing, while Charlie pushed me from behind. I enjoyed the feeling of the wind breezing across my face, each time he pushed sending me flying high into the air._

_Eventually, I had tired of the swings and decided that the slide would be a good alternative. After going down both the short and long slides several times, I was ready to move on to yet another activity._

_I watched as Charlie walked over to the swings and took a seat in the one at the very end. He looked pretty silly sitting in such a tiny swing. It was definitely too small for his large frame. I walked over toward him making sure not to stand directly in front of him. Not too long ago, I had learned that lesson the hard way. Twelve stitches later, I decided that it was for the best if I stood beside someone while they were swinging._

"_Daaaad, you look funny sitting in that swing," I giggled._

"_Why? I can't enjoy the swings too, Bellie?" Charlie asked with a frown on his usually cheerful face._

"_Um, I guess it would be okay," I offered._

_I sat down on the swing beside him and slowly started to push my feet off from the ground. Daddy was much better at swinging than I was. He was moving at twice my pace. I finally started to pick up speed a bit, but Daddy still had me beat. _

"_You are goin' waaay high, Daddy!" I shouted. _

_Charlie was swinging to heights so much higher than I could even begin to imagine reaching. I looked over at him and watched as a huge goofy grin spread across his face. It caused me to have a burst of giggles. Then I looked back down at my feet, as I tried to concentrate on picking my momentum up. I just had to catch up to Daddy._

_Suddenly, the swing beside me was silent, the metal chains no longer made their squeaking noise. I glanced over and Charlie wasn't there. I turned around, thinking that maybe he had decided to help me out a little. But there was no Charlie there either. As I looked around the playground, I began to panic._

"_Daddy? Where did you go?" I shouted. _

_The only answer I got in return was the sound of a blue bird chirping. I continued to search the playground as I walked around to where the slides were. _

"_Daddddy?" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I felt the tears starting to form in my eyes. _

_Where had Daddy gone? Why wasn't he answering me? _

"_Shh, Bella, don't cry," whispered a familiar voice._

"_Dad?" I asked. I knew I heard his voice, but he was nowhere in sight. I started to weep once again.._

"_It's okay Bella. Please don't cry," I heard him softly say._

"_Where did you go?" I asked still confused as to how I was hearing my Daddy, but couldn't see him anywhere._

"_Bellie, I'm flying with the birds. I'm going to stay with grandma now," Charlie said._

"_But Daddy...I need...you," I barely choked out._

"_And I'll always be there when you do. No matter where you are Bella, I will always be with you," Charlie assured me._

"_Don't leave me Daddy...don't go, pleeeeease," I begged._

"_I'll always be with you, Bellie," Charlie soothingly whispered._

_I fell to the ground. I didn't care that I was getting dirt all over my new dress or in my hair. I needed my daddy to come back and get me. He couldn't just leave me. I needed him. I started kicking the sand with my shoes over and over. Finally my little legs gave out as I lay still on the ground, tears streaming down my face._

"_Bella?" I heard a voice in the distance._

_I quickly sat up from the ground, glancing around, but there was no one there. _

"_Daddy!" I cried. Suddenly, it felt as though I was being shaken by my shoulders._

"Bella! Sweetie, wake up." I heard that familiar voice again.

As I opened my eyes, I was met with a pair of the most beautiful emerald eyes. Edward had concern and sadness written all over his face.

"There you are," he said while leaning in to give me a hug. I grabbed on to him and held him tightly to me taking in his usual sweet and comforting scent. He gave me a tight squeeze and kissed the side of my neck. Then let go and sat back up staring down at me wearing a worried expression.

"Your dad again, huh?" he asked in a pained voice.

I looked up at him and nodded. I could feel the tears streaming slowly down my face. When I felt the wetness reach my lips, I stuck out my tongue and licked my lips letting the salt water invade my mouth. Edward lifted his hand to my face, and his fingers softly wiped the tears from my cheek. I drew in a sharp breath as I tried to maintain my composure.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

Reliving the emotions that my dream had reignited would be of no use; it wouldn't ease the pain I felt, nothing would. Things couldn't be changed. Nothing and no one could bring him back home to me.

"No, I'm okay Edward," I lied.

Edward sat on the edge of the bed, as he stared at me with a sad expression on his face. He looked as though he wanted to say something, but didn't know what. I bit my lip and sighed. Edward raked his hand through his brown hair.

"Really, I'm fine. Okay?" I quickly assured him.

It apparently worked, because he gave me a questioning glance before giving me a quick kiss on my forehead, turning back around and falling fast asleep. Edward's shallow breathing turned into light snoring. His bottom lip stuck out, causing him to look as though he were pouting.

I, of course, couldn't go back to sleep. I glanced over to the alarm clock and saw that it was five thirty-three. As I sat up in the bed, I started to think about things that I wished could have been forgotten by now.

-------------------------------

Today was definitely going to be a bad day. It always had been. For the past nine years this date, along with one other occasion were by far the hardest days for me to get through. Every year I told myself that I wouldn't let it get to me. I wouldn't dwell on the past; on things that couldn't be changed. But that didn't matter, as I made the bargain with myself yet again this year to not let what would be Charlie's birthday get me down. I knew that deal would be broken.

The sound of the shower being turned on drew me out of my inner thoughts. The squeaking metal of the shower knob was soon followed by rushing water.

Then I heard a muffled voice coming from inside the bathroom. As I made my way closer to the bathroom door, I could hear what the sound was. Edward's beautiful voice was ringing out from inside the shower.

To get a better listen, I decided to put my ear up to the door. Once my ear was placed to the wooden door, I could clearly hear the melodies of Frank Sinatra. Mr. Sinatra's voice was one of my favorites, but Edward had this sexy, sultry sound that couldn't be replaced by any other. Edward's magnificent voice wasn't the only musical trait he carried. He had also been playing piano for the past twenty years and he wasn't too bad on the guitar, either. Edward used music as an outlet. Sometimes I think he looked at Jasper with admiration for following through with his music dreams. Edward loved being a doctor though and he still had music on the side.

I stood on the other side of the door, debating whether or not I wanted to enter. Part of me wondered if he wanted to be bothered during his private concert. I slowly cracked open the door and was met with a rush of steam. The smell of his delectable soap surrounded the bathroom and it made me want to run to the shower, swing the door open, and jump him. Instead, I decided to sit on the counter and listen to his charming voice. I intended to enjoy the full effects of the show and my complete attention was directed at Edward's naked soapy body standing underneath the stream of water.

_With each word your tenderness grows,_

_Tearing my fear apart..._

Edward paused, and I watched him rinse the shampoo from his hair, before he continued on with his serenade.

_And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,_

_It touches my foolish heart._

_Lovely, don't you ever change._

_Keep that breathless charm._

_Won't you please arrange it?_

_'Cause I love you...Just the way you look tonight._

I hopped up from the marble counter and clapped my hands loudly enough so that he could hear me over the water. He immediately turned around and slid the shower door open.

"If I'd known I had an audience I might would have tried a bit harder," he said with a laugh.

Slowly I walked over to the shower and leaned in to give him a kiss. He reached his wet arm out and squeezed my waist, causing my shirt to become wet. I didn't care though. It was kind of hard to care about anything when I had his hot naked soaking wet body two inches away.

"How are you feeling today, gorgeous?" Edward asked, with a concerned look on his face. He knew all too well how this day had affected me these past few years. He knew how it had been for me the first year anniversary of Charlie's death, as well. I knew I would never go back to that dark place again, and the only reason that I knew that for sure was because of Edward. He was my solid rock to lean on. He was my shoulder to cry on. He was my voice of reason. I really didn't know what I would do, if I hadn't had his compassion and guidance to help me through.

I bit my lip, and tried to swallow the lump that had formed in the back of my throat. "I'm okay," I lied. Unfortunately, Edward knew me all too well.

Edward reached out and pulled me in to his body, squeezing me tightly. I tried so hard to control my inner emotions, but as soon as my cheek met his firm chest, the tears came streaming down with a choked out sob. It was as if the dam that had been holding in all of my feelings had been broken, and they were now all pouring out onto Edward's chest.

"Shh," he cooed, as he ran his hand softly up and down my back. I felt him lean his face down, to rest upon the top of my head. He let out a loud sigh, and pulled me further in to his embrace.

"It still hurts," I croaked out, barely above a whisper.

"I know it does Bella...I know," he spoke softly into my hair, as he placed a tender kiss on the top of my head.

As the sobs continued to break loose from my chest, I held on to Edward tighter. He stood there rubbing my hair, as he whispered encouraging words in to my ear. I took a quick breath in letting his calming scent wash over me. Edward didn't need any added stress; he shouldn't have had to suffer with me. Yet he was always there, always by my side to hold me and help me through the pain. Honestly I thought that after so many years, that I would be okay. At the very least that most of the hurt would have subsided. But that wasn't the case; the pain had yet to dull.

Edward calmed me down and made sure that I would be okay before he finally had to leave for work. I promised him that I was fine and that I would call if I needed him. As Edward was walking out the front door, I could tell he was reluctant to leave me alone, but knew he had to get to work.

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I stood inside of my closet and stared up at the box. I knew that I shouldn't pull it down from the shelf, but that didn't stop me from doing just that. It was the only box of memories that I had from Phoenix, due to Renee not wanting to spend the money to move all of my things across the country. There really wasn't much that I had left from my former life other than a few pictures, some mementos, and Charlie's '69 Chevy Camaro. I hadn't really spent much time in the Camaro, mostly due to the fact that it was abundant with memories of him.

As I opened the box, I immediately had the overwhelming urge to cry. I picked up a picture and studied it closely. I tried to remember when it was taken. It looked like I was around five and Charlie had me on top of his shoulders, both of us wearing huge smiles on our faces. A single tear slid down my cheek.

I came across a few other pictures; Charlie with Jake and I, fishing at the lake. Then one of Charlie and I dressed up for Halloween. Before I finally found a picture of Charlie working on his Camaro. He loved that car so much. The tears were silently falling from my eyes as I examined memory after memory of my dad.

I sorted through the box of my former life. At least I had several pictures of him, not that I would ever forget what he looked like. At any given time I could close my eyes and picture him clearly. Eventually, my hand came across a silky newspaper clipping.

There it was. That tiny piece of paper that I hated more than anything. It was written proof of that horrible day when my dad was taken away from this earth, from _me_. Against my better judgment I picked it up and let the words that I had read one too many times wash over me. As many times as I had read them, I should have had them memorized by now.

*-*-*

**Charles L Swan, Police Chief, dies in drunk driving accident, October 17**

Charles L "Charlie" Swan, 36, Maricopa County police chief, was killed in a car accident October 17 on South Tuthill Road in Maricopa County, AZ.

Swan was traveling alone in the early morning hours on October 17. According to Police reports, his 2000 Chevrolet Suburban was side swiped, left the road and rolled over several times. Sources from the scene of the accident say he was ejected from the windshield. He was airlifted to Phoenix Memorial Hospital, and was pronounced dead upon arrival.

James McDaniels, the driver whose car struck his Chevrolet Suburban, was arrested for driving under the influence, according to the Maricopa Country Police Department.

Those who knew the victim have spoken out about this tragic loss.

Billy Black, who had been friends with Charlie since they were children said, "Charlie was great at what he did. He loved his job. But more than that he loved his daughter, Bella. He will definitely be missed by a lot of people. I still can't believe that he's gone."

Sue Clearwater, who had known Charlie for over 10 years said, "I just can't believe that he isn't here any longer. As bad as we are all taking his death, the one person that I think is having the hardest time is his daughter, Bella. Bless her heart, that man was everything to her. And she was everything to him."

He is survived by his daughter, Isabella M Swan, age15.

_*-*-*_

As I read the words for the hundredth time, they cut through me like a knife. Even after all of these years, they still had the same effect on me. I could feel my heart breaking from inside of my chest. I couldn't take this anymore, I needed Charlie. The tears were falling heavily from my eyes, and I could feel my throat starting to hurt from the lump that was sitting in the back of it. I fell to the floor and curled up in to a ball, half of my body lay on the inside of my closet. As I lay there soaking the floor with my tears, I cried out for my dad and hoped that he heard me. I wanted him to know that I still needed him. I took a strand of my thick hair in my hand and twirled it with my finger, just like Charlie used to do for me whenever I was upset.

Why did it still feel like it happened yesterday? It had been almost ten years already, yet all the wounds still felt fresh. My chest had begun to tighten and my breathing turned into hiccups. I sat up and placed the piece of paper back in to its box and closed the lid. I was ready to put the past away for now. I needed to pick myself up off the floor and move on with my day. That is what Charlie would have wanted. He had always hated to see me cry. So if he did happen to be looking down on me, I don't think he would have liked what he saw.

So I would try to move on for now. Not for myself. But for Daddy.

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For supper I fixed myself a small salad and decided that watching some TV would be a welcomed distraction. As I flipped through the channels, I could see that the selection of shows wasn't very diverse. When I discovered that there was a _Psych _marathon going on all day, I was thrilled. I settled in to the couch ready to enjoy some Shawn Spencer. Never would I admit it to Edward, but I had developed a serious nerd crush on him.

Just as I was getting comfortable, the doorbell chimed. I huffed as I made my way to the door, wondering who in the hell would be at my house. Silently I prayed it wasn't one of those door to door salesman or worse yet, one of the "let me shove some religion down your throat" people, because frankly I was in no mood to deal with that shit.

As I opened the door ready to chew someone out, I was pleasantly surprised to see the bright face of my sister-in-law instead. She had a bouquet of wild flowers in one hand and a bottle of chardonnay in the other. I stepped aside letting her into the foyer.

"Hey, hon! How ya feeling today?" she asked with a concerned tone to her usually perky voice. Alice leaned in and gave me a quick hug.

"I've been fine," I answered trying to remove any particular emotion from my voice, as I gave her a fake smile.

"Uh huh," was all she said as she made her way down the hallway, toward the kitchen. I watched as she pulled a vase from the upper cabinet and filled it with water then placed the bouquet neatly into it. Alice filled up two large wine glasses to the rim then slid one over to me. She took a large gulp of the wine, before returning her gaze to me, with a sympathetic smile on her face.

"Edward called me. So you can cut the shit," she said with determination in her voice.

I sighed. Of course, Edward had called her. I should have known by now, that when Edward couldn't directly do something for me, he would indirectly do it through Alice.

"I have to say, I'm a bit put off that you would put on an act for me after all this time, Bella," she said with a sad expression.

"I just...I don't want everyone to concern themselves with me. You know that," I paused for a brief moment and decided to tell her the truth, because she would know if I were lying. "Okay, so yes, earlier today I wasn't doing too well, but honestly I'm fine now," I promised.

Alice was silent for a moment as she gave me a questioning stare.

"Hmm, well I don't think so. So, go upstairs, take a shower and get dressed for dancing, because we're going down to Market Street."

Just as I was about to butt in and let her know that we were in fact, not going, she quickly assured me we were.

"Don't try and argue with me Bella. You know who will win. So, hurry up and get your cute butt dressed, because when Rose gets here we are out the door," she ordered.

I thought about arguing with her, but it just wasn't worth it to me. From everything that had happened today, I was already emotionally worn out enough. Besides, going out might not be such a bad thing.

"Okay, you win," I said and turned to make my way toward the stairs.

"Don't take all night, and you better put on something hot or you know I will make you march right back up those stairs and change," Alice yelled from the kitchen.

"Yes ma'am," I mumbled to myself.

I made my way up the stairs, and quickly took a shower, dried my hair, and threw on some make-up, mostly to please Alice. As I stood in my closet, staring at all of my clothes, I silently debated on what to wear. I grabbed a pair of my skinny jeans and a yellow tank top. Since I was not in the mood to dress up and most of all wanted to be comfortable. After sliding on my brown flip-flops, I checked myself in the mirror one last time. Inwardly I sighed at my frizzy hair. Charleston's summer heat and my hair did not agree with each other. I decided to pull my hair back into that all too familiar pony-tail.

Once my feet hit the last step, I started to have a little more motivation about getting out of the house. It had been months since we were able to all go out and have a good time. I knew that they would do a good job of keeping my mind off of things that I shouldn't be thinking about. I looked up and met Alice's eyes, noticing that she looked absolutely amazing. She was dressed in solid white from head to toe, and could have easily passed for an angel. Alice huffed as she gave me a disapproving look.

"Bella, what the_ hell_ are you wearing?" she asked, clearly not thrilled by my ensemble.

I tugged at my tank top, "What, this doesn't look bad. I'm just dressed more casual than you," I tried to defend myself. I thought maybe she would just let it go, although deep down I knew that wasn't going to happen. Alice waltzed over to me, and placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Nope. This is _not_ gonna work. Back upstairs. I'm going to find what you should be wearing, you're going to put it on, and then we are going to have a good fucking time tonight. Capiche?" Alice stated, as she gave me a smack on my butt and started up the stairs.

I sighed heavily. After all these years I should have known that going out with Alice also meant that she got to play Barbie dress-up with me.

Once I made it in to the bedroom, I went and sat down on the bed as I watched Alice sort through my closet. I decided to send Edward a text to thank him for the torture that he was putting me through.

_You owe me big time for this. Your sister is dressing me up like Malibu Barbie again :( _

Alice was immersed in my closet, completely oblivious to the fact that I was even in the room. I watched as she finally came out, holding a tiny black dress that I had forgotten I even owned. I should have known that she would pick the most revealing thing in my wardrobe. I could either get upset and argue with her, even though I knew who would win that fight, or I could just shut up and deal with it.

I took the dress from her grasp and laid it out on the bed, as I began to undress. Once I pulled the dress over my head, I was surprised to see that it still fit me perfectly. Alice grabbed a few accessories to pair with the dress: silver heels, red purse, and my Tahitian pearl necklace.

Just as I was about to walk out of the bedroom, Alice halted me. She came around behind me, reached up and pulled out my elastic band, releasing my thick brown hair to fall along my shoulders. She walked back around to the front and looked me over.

"Much better," she said, as she turned and walked out the door.

As I was heading down the stairs, my phone chirped letting me know that I had received a new message.

_Oh, you know you secretly love it. Haha, I love you. Try and have a good time beautiful._

I read it three times before finally closing my phone and making my way toward the foyer.

"Okay, let's go," Alice said in a sing-song voice.

I grabbed my keys off the table and headed out the door, locking it behind me.

"Wait. Where's Rose?" I asked confused.

"Oh, the babysitter was running late. So, she's just going to meet us there," Alice said as she skipped over to her green Volkswagen beetle.

The drive down to Market Street was pretty quiet, mostly due to the fact that Alice turned the music up so that she could get in to the club mood. I still wasn't quite up to being around loud drunk people, but I hoped that a few shots would change that.

-------------------

I could hear Lady Gaga wailing in the background as we made our way in to the club. The smell of burnt ashtrays and Jose Cuervo immediately took over my senses. As I glanced around the dim lit room I noticed that the amount of guys standing around vastly outnumbered the women. So much for ladies' night. I looked down at the ample amount of cleavage that I currently had on display and sighed. Alice and her insistence on me looking like a hooker. Since my flip-flops were replaced with my silver "fuck-me-now-even-though-my-feet-fucking-hurt" shoes, my feet had already started to complain.

Alice grabbed my right hand and led me over toward the bar. There was only one beverage that I knew for a fact that Alice and I should stay away from tonight and that was any form of vodka. Bad things tended to happen when either of us consumed that hateful liquor.

"Hello ladies. What can I get for y'all tonight?" asked the clearly gay bartender. He had on a hot pink shirt that said "Blow me" and you could smell his Glow from across the club.

"Can I get a pitcher of White Russian and three shots of Dr. McGillicuddy's," Alice spoke loudly over the music.

"Alice, you do realize that White Russians have vodka in them?" I asked. "And you do also remember that we should be permanently banned from drinking that, right?"

I watched as she giggled and waved her tiny hand in the air as if to dismiss my claims.

"Things change; the vodka thing had a lot to do with our age and inexperience with alcohol. Trust me, I can handle my alcohol now and I will still be able to look after your lightweight ass," she laughed and threw her arm over my shoulder.

"Oh, please. If anyone is going to have to be babysat tonight, it will be your little ass. Correct me if I'm wrong, but was it not you that I had to pull off of a table top on your twenty-first birthday?" I asked, not giving her a chance to answer. "So don't give me that lightweight shit, whore," I giggled.

I watched Alice open her mouth and then snap it shut before she finally decided to play the three year old card as she stuck out her tongue at me. I rolled my eyes at her and reached over giving her a fake slap on the arm.

The bartender brought our pitcher over. "What flavor McGillicudy's?" he asked.

"Peppermint, please," Alice answered back quickly.

The bartender brought the shots over and Alice, of course, whipped out her card before I even had a chance to reach in to my purse. I gave her a disapproving look, which earned me an eye roll from her.

We grabbed the drinks and made our way to one of the few empty tables left.

Alice and I talked about work, about our diets and of course about our men.

"So, how is Jasper? It feels like I haven't seen him in forever."

"He's actually doing great. He has been getting booked at different venues and I told you that he is finishing up in the studio next week," Alice took a sip of her drink. "So, how is my darling brother? When he called today we only talked for like two minutes, then he had to run," Alice sighed.

"He's really been working some fucked up schedules these past two weeks. I think he has only had maybe 12 hours of sleep in the past three days," I frowned. "But what amazes me is that he isn't letting it get to him. I haven't heard him complain one time about any of it. But then again, that's Edward, you know?" I finished my first cup of White Russian and could already start to feel that burning feeling in my stomach that always accompanied drinking hard liquor.

"So how about you? How have _you_ been doing, Bella?" Alice asked, as she looked at me concerned.

Just as I was about to give her some bullshit answer, I was saved by the bell. Or in this case saved by the Rose.

"Hey bitches. I see you started without me," Rose's loud voice came blaring from behind me.

When I turned around I was surprised by Rose's attire, or lack thereof. It had been so long since I had seen her dressed up. For the past couple of years Rose's wardrobe had consisted of mommy clothes.

"Em let you walk out of the house dressed like that?" I asked with a laugh.

"Are you kidding me? Em would have picked out something even sluttier," Rose laughed. "I think he gets tired of seeing me in t-shirts with spit up on them and mom jeans."

Alice and I giggled and we all made our usual greetings.

"Speaking of spit up, how are the little munchkins?" Alice asked.

"Well, Em and I have been trying to potty train Austin all week. It's going better than I expected. He has the peeing part down pat and gets so excited whenever he goes. Almost as excited as his daddy gets," Rose laughed and took a sip of her drink. "And Conner has been growing like a weed. He is getting close to twenty pounds now. I just can't believe it, seems like yesterday that I was still pregnant," Rose smiled.

She was right, it did seem like yesterday that we were all at the hospital waiting for little Conner to arrive. But that was over seven months ago now.

We quickly went through two pitchers of White Russian and had too many shots to keep track of. Alice sat up on her knees in the chair and held up her plastic cup.

"Okay ladies, I have something to say," she said and then blinked her eyes several times. "Tonight will be my last night of alcohol for a while, hopefully," Alice finished.

I sat there confused, as I waited for her to explain the situation. Rose looked over at me with a huge smile on her face.

"Jasper and I have decided to start trying to get pregnant," Alice said excitedly.

Rose squealed and leapt across the table to hug Alice. I sat there a little flabbergasted and tried not to make a face. I knew that eventually Alice would want to have children; I just didn't expect it to be so soon. She was the only friend that I had left that didn't have to call a baby-sitter in order to go out. I would be the only one without a baby now. Deep down I knew that I should be happy for Alice, but at that particular moment I felt hurt. I would be left behind by the mommy brigade.

"Wow, that's really great Allie," I replied, hoping that it didn't sound as fake coming out as it did inside of my head. She didn't seem to notice, because she got up and gave me a quick hug. We all sat in an awkward silence for what seemed like an eternity.

"Okay, I think we all need another shot," Rose announced. And just like that we were all back to drinking and enjoying our night together.

The night went as expected. All three of us drank enough to fill a bathtub. Rose was the best at holding her alcohol, as always. We danced until our feet hurt and were practically bleeding. It felt good to be out with my girls again, it was almost like old times. The difference was now one of us had babies, one was going to start trying to have a baby, and the other still wanted nothing to do with babies.

"Alright, I'm c-calling Jasper now to come pick us up," Alice slurred.

"Okay, I'm gonna go use the bathroom before we leave so that I don't piss in your car," I said, getting up from the table.

I made my way in to the nasty bathrooms that looked as though they hadn't actually been cleaned in years. I did my best to pee standing up and surprisingly didn't get any on me. Then I washed my hands and rushed out of the door. As I turned the corner I ran smack dab in to a warm hard chest. My eyes traveled up the stranger's body and I was met with quite a vision. My eyes raked over his blonde spiky hair, his sparkling smile that had serious panty dropping potential, before finally meeting his blue eyes, which were giving me an intense stare.

"I'm Rob," he said, holding out his perfect hand for me to shake.

"I'm married," I quickly returned, holding up my left hand, as I wiggled my ring finger.

He glanced vaguely at it, before returning his piercing blue eyes to mine.

"I'm sorry to hear that," he grinned.

I gawked at him for a few seconds, surprised by his lack of manners. And although his cocky and presumptuous attitude should have pissed me off, it unfortunately didn't. In fact, it had quite the opposite effect on me. When I looked over toward Alice and Rose they were deep in conversation, apparently completely oblivious to the fact that I was standing with Mr. Hottie McFuckMe (if I weren't married).

I turned to walk back toward our table, when he grabbed my wrist halting my movement, causing me to quickly turn around and face him.

"Dance with me," he said with determination in his voice.

"I thought we already went over this. I'm married, remember?" I asked.

"Yes, I realize that. But what do being married and dancing have to do with each other?" he asked.

I stood there silently, not having an answer for his question. I supposed he was right. What was the harm in dancing with someone?

I let him lead us on to the dance floor. We began to sway to the rhythms of the music. Surprisingly, he remained a gentleman for the most part. His hands never went below my waist and he didn't try to squeeze anything that he shouldn't have been. The song quickly ended and I knew that I better be getting back to the girls so that we could make our departure.

"So, are you gonna tell me your name?" he asked.

I stood silently for a moment, debating on whether or not I wanted to make up some complete bullshit name, but decided that giving my name couldn't do any harm. "It's Bella," I smiled.

"Beautiful," he said with a sexy grin.

"Excuse me?" Was he still hitting on me after the "I'm married" talk?

"Your name. It means beautiful in Italian," he quickly answered.

"Ah, yes. Yes it does. My mother wasn't very creative with names I guess," I laughed.

"Well, I think it fits you perfectly. You are the definition of Bella," he said with a wink.

I watched as he pulled his phone out and prayed that he wouldn't ask me for my number. At some point I had to draw the line. He picked his phone up and apparently wasn't getting a response from the caller, because I heard him say hello several times before finally hanging up.

"Damn, my phone isn't getting any reception in here. Do you mind if I use yours?" he asked with a slight frown on his face.

"Yeah, sure. Although I'm not sure mine is going to be any better," I said, as I handed him my cell.

He slowly punched in some numbers and then walked away a few feet. I listened as he repeatedly said yes and no several times, before hanging up and handing the phone back to me.

"There you are. Damn I went to the bathroom to check and see if you had fallen in," Rose laughed from behind me.

"Sorry, I got a little caught up with something," I instantly answered.

Rose glanced over toward Rob, looking him up and down.

"Yes, I see that," Rose said with an evil smirk.

I sighed heavily. "Rose this is Rob. Rob, Rose," I quickly introduced them, hoping that Rose wouldn't make a big deal out of this.

He timidly reached out his hand and Rose immediately shook it.

"Well, we better get going," I said trying to prevent Rose from embarrassing me or herself.

Then I turned toward Rob and gave him a soft smile. "It was nice meeting you," I said as I finally extended out my hand to shake.

He took it firmly in to his large hand and lifted it up placing a tender kiss on my skin.

"The pleasure was all mine, beautiful," he sweetly replied, causing the blood to rush to my cheeks.

"You take care," I replied as I turned toward the door.

"You too, Mrs. I'm married," he replied with a sexy smile.

Jasper pulled the car up to the curb and Rose and I got in to the backseat, while Alice took the front. The next thing I knew I was being shook awake. Rose grabbed my purse and walked me up to my front door.

"Okay, you gonna make it inside okay, honey?" Rose asked.

I laughed probably a little too loudly, because Rose told me to quiet down.

"I've got this, I loooove you," I hugged Rose.

"Love you too, drunk," Rose sweetly replied.

-------------------

When I walked into the house, I tried my best to be quiet knowing that Edward was most likely already asleep upstairs. As much as I wanted him right now, I knew that he needed to rest after the crazy shifts that he had worked this week.

My heels were clanking loudly on the wooden floor, so I took them off, leaving them to sit at the front door. As I made my way down the hall, I decided to head toward the kitchen because I knew that some water would do me some good. Over the years I had learned that if you drank a few glasses of water to help flush out the alcohol, it would cut down on the severity of a hangover the next morning.

I opened the cabinet to get out a large glass and filled it with some tap water.

"Well, hello there," a deep voice greeted.

"Oh my God, you scared the shit out of me," I yelled, as I almost jumped out of my skin.

Edward laughed, then took a sip of what I assumed was sweet tea.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to go all serial killer on you," he laughed. "I just enjoy watching you," he added sweetly.

"Umm, stalker much?" I giggled.

"Did you at least have a good time?" Edward asked.

"Surprisingly yes, I had a wonderful night," I assured him. "What are you still doing up?" I asked, concerned that something was wrong.

"Oh, I was having trouble sleeping. It's weird not having you in the bed with me, you know? So I came down here to get a drink and there was something else...hmm," he paused and took a sip of his drink.

"Oh yes, I believe that I _owe_ you something," Edward spoke barely above a whisper.

He walked over toward me, never letting his eyes fall from mine. Once he had made his way to stand directly in front of me, he reached up and his fingers gently stroked my cheek. His touch sent chills through my heated body.

"And I fully intend to pay up," he said with a slight smirk playing across his lips.

Then he got this look in his eyes. He looked as though he was a leopard ready to pounce on its prey. His expression told me exactly what he wanted. As I took a couple of steps back, I maneuvered my way around the island. He stood down at one end, I at the opposite end of the counter. Edward let an evil smirk spread across his lips and he started slowly stalking toward me. Each step that he took toward me, I backed away from him.

"God, look at you. You look good enough to eat," he spoke in a low sultry tone.

"Oh, believe me. I am," I grinned, as I took another step in the opposite direction.

Once I got to the other end of the counter, I ran toward the hallway hoping to make it up the stairs. Before my foot touched the first step, I was caught by my waist and placed in to the position Edward wanted me in. My ass pressed firmly against the wall behind me. Edward grabbed both of my hands forcefully and raised them above my head. He gazed into my eyes and the look that he conveyed was almost animalistic. And I absolutely fucking loved it.

"I promise I'll be gentle," Edward spoke softly.

I gave him a smirk, "What makes you think I want you to be gentle?" I asked.

My hips pushed against him on their own accord. I felt his hard cock trying to escape from his boxers, anxiously waiting for me to take it out and worship it. I was more than ready to do just that. After all, a cock like his deserved to be worshipped. And often.

In one swift motion my black dress was off and thrown to the floor. I didn't even remember Edward's hands leaving mine. His right hand grabbed both of mine holding them tightly above my head once again, while his left hand ran teasingly along my panty line. I leaned my head toward his ear.

"Edward, you're making me so wet right now," I moaned into his ear.

"Fuck," Edward groaned.

Edward released my hands and let both of his hands run down my sides, sending shivers through my body. He knelt down on his knees directly in front of me. His hands trailed up my calves and then my thighs, before they finally landed on my hips. As he leaned forward his tongue slipped from his lips and he licked the outside of my soaking wet panties. I moaned at the sensation of his mouth on me. It sent chills coursing through my heated body. His index finger ran up and down the outside of my ruffled panties. When the tip of his finger touched my clit, I jerked earning a light chuckle from Edward.

He grabbed the top of my panties and slid them roughly down my legs. I quickly stepped out of them and looked down to watch for his next move. His hands tenderly came up the back of my thighs. They finally reached my ass and he gave it a firm squeeze and then pulled me forward toward him.

The next thing I knew his mouth was on me. His silky tongue slid along my already wet slit. Edward's tongue slowly worked my pussy over. He licked every crevice, not letting a single spot go untouched. When his tongue finally reached my clit, I let out a loud moan and my knees buckled. I was already getting close and I needed my release. Edward grabbed my ass and squeezed it firmly. He took my left calf and picked it up throwing my leg over his shoulder. The angle that he created, allowed his mouth to explore more territory. His tongue went deep in to my pussy and he wiggled it causing me to squirm.

He leaned back and looked up at me with a grin. "God, you taste so fucking good. Did you know that?" he asked.

I lightly shook my head, unable to speak. He took a single finger and gently slid it in me. When he slowly pulled it out I groaned at the emptiness that it caused. Edward lifted his finger up to my mouth, gently running the wetness across my lips. I stuck the tip of my tongue out and licked his index finger, tasting my sweetness. Then I let my tongue slide out further and grabbed his index finger bringing it all the way in to my mouth as I teasingly sucked on it. He groaned as he slid his finger out of my mouth, before he diverted his attention back to my pussy.

My fingers wound themselves in to his thick brown hair as his tongue continued to fuck me. My hips rocked back and forth with each new thrust of his tongue. Little moans and sighs escaped my lips, every few seconds. Edward found my clit again and began to flick it back and forth with his tongue. My legs felt as if they would give out at any second. I leaned the back of my head against the wall for support.

Edward squeezed my left thigh and his tongue continued to tease my clit. He sucked on it gently at first, before roughly taking it between his teeth. I bucked my hips against his mouth.

"Oh m-my god," I yelled, as my hands grabbed a handful of his thick hair, pulling it hard.

I couldn't see his face, but I knew that Edward was grinning from ear to ear. Before I knew it my legs had started to shake slightly and I felt that familiar sensation building between my thighs. Edward smacked my ass firmly, while his tongue danced along my clit and that was all it took, I came undone.

Edward gave me one last lick before he stood up and pressed his body in to mine, pushing my back against the wall. His cock pressed firmly into my lower abdomen and I knew where I would rather it be pressed. He leaned in and his lips brushed tenderly against mine. His tongue slid quickly into my mouth and my sweet taste lingered in his mouth. He passionately moved his mouth with mine. I could feel a surge of emotion pouring from his mouth into mine. As he leaned back he grabbed my bottom lip in between his teeth, biting it lightly.

My mouth displayed an evil grin as I grabbed his arm and pushed him up against the wall. The tables had turned now. It was my turn to do the worshiping. My hands ran along his firm chest, as I admired it. Despite all the darkness filling the hallway, his Celtic tattoo still stood out to me. I looked at the black ink as my right hand ran briefly over it. The meaning of the symbol that was placed there made my heart swell with love.

"My turn," I grinned.

I let my hand move further down his body, till it reached the top of his dark grey boxers. My hand dipped to the inside of his waistband and I slowly moved my fingers across his lower abdomen. I slid my hand down inside of his boxers and firmly grabbed his hard cock. Edward groaned as his hips bucked toward me. Then I grabbed the top of his boxers and quickly pushed them to the floor. My hand still firmly gripped his cock, as I stroked up and down his entire length.

I slid down his body until I felt my knees hit the floor. Edward's eyes were locked on to mine as he gazed intently at me. I looked up at him one last time before focusing all my attention on the task at hand.

I licked my lips before I stuck my tongue out and licked the end of his cock where the sticky white fluid had gathered. Edward moaned and his hands went into my hair. I grabbed the base and ran my tongue underneath his cock. Once I reached the tip again I placed just a bit of him into my mouth, sucking lightly. Inch by inch I eased him in, taking in as much of him in my mouth as I could. As I moved my mouth up and down his engorged cock, my hand ran in the opposite direction for added friction. I looked up into his eyes and hoped that mine conveyed how much I enjoyed this.

Each and every noise that dropped from Edward's lips seemed to further excite me. I brought my other hand up and cupped his sac, squeezing it gently. I began to move him in and out of my mouth at a faster pace. Each time my hand touched my mouth I would twist it slightly as I moved it back down his cock. Once I had a steady pace worked out I began to softly massage his balls with my hand. Edward grabbed my hair, pulling it hard. I moaned around his cock, as he pushed my head forward. I pulled him completely out of my mouth and licked the tip causing him to groan. Before thrusting him back in to my mouth again. My hand continued its corkscrew motion as my tongue moved along his length.

"Bella, I need to feel you...Now," he growled from above.

I released him from my mouth and tried to catch my breath. Edward reached down and grabbed my arms and pulled me up from the floor. He turned me and roughly pushed me into the wall, his hands placed on my hips. When he lifted me a few inches off the carpet, I wrapped each of my legs around his naked waist. With my back flat against the wall, I placed my arms on Edward's shoulders for support. My hands gripped around the back of his neck. This was a brand new position for me, so I waited patiently for Edward to proceed.

"Bella...you're so beautiful," he whispered.

Edward moved one of his hands to my ass, to help hold me up. His other hand came around to his front and I watched as he grabbed his cock and positioned it at my entrance. He looked up into my eyes, and I noticed that his displayed primal lust.

He pushed into me and we both cried out with pleasure. There was no calmness to our movements as he began to pump in and out of me. With each thrust my back was rammed up and it scraped against the wall. Edward squeezed my hips and pulled them toward him each time he pushed back in to me. The sound of our bare skin hitting one another and our heavy breathing filled the dim-lit hallway.

Edward bent his knees and squatted down. The change in angle allowed him to push further in to me. I moaned loudly with every thrust and my nails began to dig into his sweaty back. Edward brought his mouth to my neck and I felt his tongue lick off the little beads of sweat that had begun to form. His teeth grazed over my neck before they sank down biting into my flesh. The sensation that it sent running through my body caused me to cry out in pleasure.

I moved my hands up in to his thick brown locks and grabbed on to them pulling a handful with each thrust. I begged him to go harder and faster, and he gladly obeyed. Edward pounded in to me so hard that I could feel him hitting that special spot with each thrust.

Our movements became frenzied and I knew that we were both getting close. His green eyes were locked on to mine and they conveyed so many emotions at once.

"Ohhhh, Edw-ward. Make me cum," I begged. I was right there on the edge, ready to fall over the side. He brought his hand around to the front and moved his thumb to my clit, rubbing it lightly. I looked down to where his hand was touching where we were joined. It was one of the most erotic things that I had seen. Yet it was so sweet and sensual at the same time.

I screamed out as a wave of pleasure overcame me. My legs began to shake around his body as my orgasm played out. My muscles clenched around him again and again as waves of pleasure coursed through my electrified body. I felt Edward began to twitch inside of me, and a guttural moan escaped his mouth as he found his own release.

Edward buried his face in to my shoulder and I felt him breathing heavily against me. I let my legs slide down his wet body. As soon as my feet hit the floor, I thought my body was going to give out and fall to the ground. Edward must have sensed it because his hands gripped onto my waist for support.

"I love you so much, Bella. Please don't forget that," Edward whispered into my shoulder.

"I know you do. I love you, too," I replied, still trying to catch my breath.

---------------

I woke up to the sun streaming in through the bedroom window. My body felt like I had been lifting weights for hours. I reached my arm over to Edward's side of the bed only to find empty space in the spot that his body should have been lying. I turned all the way over onto my other side and sure enough, I was in bed alone.

I slowly eased myself out of the bed and over to the mirror. As I looked in it I realized that I looked hideous. My bottom lip was swollen and my hair looked as though someone had pulled on it all night. I guess that was pretty accurate, because I did remember Edward pulling on it a bit last night. I quickly brushed through it with my fingers and pulled it up in a messy bun.

As I turned and looked at my naked body, I almost gasped. My back was extremely red. Apparently there was such a thing as wall burn. I think I preferred it over carpet burn.

I grabbed my yoga pants and a tank top, throwing them on. I figured Edward must have been downstairs and I couldn't wait to see him.

Once I was down the stairs, I searched through every room as I called his name. But I had no luck with my search. Surely Edward wouldn't have left without telling me. Today was his day off from the hospital, so I knew he didn't go in to work. I looked up at the backdoor and noticed that it was unlocked.

The salty sea air invaded my senses as soon as I made it to the end of the boardwalk and my feet touched the soft white sand. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore had such a calming effect over me.

Edward noticed me walking over and he smiled warmly. I quickly made my way over to where he sat, and plopped down on the blanket with him.

"Good morning, beautiful," he whispered in to my ear. He leaned over giving me a gentle kiss on my head.

"Yes, it _is_ a good morning," I giggled as I snuggled closer in to him. He let his right arm rest lazily on my shoulder. As I breathed in the fresh sea air I lay my head against Edward's chest. I let the sounds of the water splashing, the seagulls chirping, and Edward's heartbeat beating calmly underneath my ear soothe me into a peaceful trance.

"She's so beautiful. That's what our little girl is going to look like," Edward said.

As I lifted my head off of his chest I looked over at him. His green eyes glimmered with longing.

_Did he just say our little girl? There it was again. Edward's little hint dropping was becoming more and more frequent. _

I looked over to the little girl with the long brown curls. She was playing in the water, running back and forth. Each time a wave would come crashing toward her she would run out of the water screaming. Then she would turn right back around and run back into the salt water.

As I watched Edward watching the little girl, I felt a pang in my chest.

Was I holding Edward back from being truly happy?

The answer to that very question was written all over his face.

* * *

**A/N: **So what did you think of **Rob**? Hmmm... Also, how many of you will be trying **wall sex** now??? Leave me **some love and I'll send you a teaser** for the next chapter! :)

**Also, come check out the CaLCB thread (I will post more teasers if I can get more ladies talking over there):** (link on profile)


	5. Explosions, Discoveries & Revelations

**HOLY EPIC AUTHOR NOTE BATMAN!!!! (please read h00rs)**

**A/N:** Hello, hello. :) Few things: **1)** Someone graciously nominated **CaLCB for a "Sparkle Award" in "The Heat Award - Best Lemon" category**. Not sure if they got the right story or if they are simply delusional (hehe) but **thank you** to whomever it was. Voting is now open, so if you enjoyed the lemons & want to go vote, http://thesparkleawards (dot) webs (dot) com/vote (dot) htm (link on profile). **2)** My beta and I wrote a one-shot for the **"I Love 80's music o/s anonymous" contest**. Cannot tell you which is mine, but you should totes go check out all the amazing entries. (link on profile)

Okay that's enough **whoring myself out**. ugh. A new story was posted this past week that really caught my attention & I cant wait to see more. **"Forever And A Day" by: BeckLyn**. Go check it out, you won't be disappointed!

Thank you to my wonderful, fantastic Beta **MCC101180 (Mel)** I really don't know what I would do without you**,** also thank you to my lovely wife **Juliamine (Becky)** for putting up with all my epic emoness. Last but not least thank you to all the amazing girls on the CaLCB thread over on Twilighted. (**Lady, MEL**) you girls make me so happy! I love ya'll, lots. If you havent already **pop over to the thread**, promise we don't bite...hard. (link on profile) Also, **Italian translations** are on the blog and one of them is **very very dirty** (link on profile).

**Disclaimer: As always, I own nothing "Twilight", I do own a very large shower (grins).**

* * *

Edward grabbed my hand tugging me out of bed. My eyes had just opened and the light coming from the window was making them sting. I flinched, placing my hand over them as he pulled me along behind him into the bathroom.

"Edward, what are..." I tried to ask, but was cut off by his long index finger being softly pressed to my lips. He had a sweet yet intense look in his eyes. I watched his tongue dart out to lick between his lips and could feel the wetness began to make an appearance between my legs.

Edward lifted his t-shirt up pulling it over his head and throwing it to the floor, before reaching over and doing the same with mine. He then tugged his boxers slightly, letting them fall to the tile. Well, if I wasn't awake before I certainly was now. My eyes quickly became fixated on a particular body part and my heart began to race with the anticipation of what that body part was about to do to me.

Edward loudly cleared his throat and I shook my head as I looked back up, meeting his eyes. He was wearing a smirk, probably eating this shit right up. He reached over and cupped my face between his hands as he took a step forward. The second our bodies touched I could feel the desire transferring between us. His warm breath was flowing onto my lips. I felt his hands ease around toward my back, settling on the waistband of my pants. His fingers dipped under to touch my bare skin. The coldness of his hands sent shivers up my spine. Edward kissed my cheek tenderly, before leaning forward and placing his cheek to mine.

"I need you," his voice sounded almost desperate as I felt his heated breath against my ear.

"Edward," I moaned softly, as my hands gripped his back.

I felt his hands slide around to my hips and grasp the elastic waistband slowly pulling my pants down. Once he got them past my knees, he knelt down and I eased both of my feet out of the pant legs. He continued to kneel and was face to face with my panties. His fingers crept their way up my thighs tickling my skin, finally finding purchase on the strings of my underwear. In one swift motion he had them pulled down to the floor, as well.

Edward trailed his index finger around my belly button before tracing each of my hip bones. Just when his finger started to trail lower, he suddenly stood up from the floor and I internally groaned wanting him to finish what he had started. He grinned at me obviously knowing very well what I wanted and began tracing his finger along my skin once again, but this time his eyes were locked onto mine. As excited as he was making me, I was surprised that I wasn't dripping out onto the floor at this point. His finger had made its way to my soaking wet entrance and without warning he slid it into me, causing me to gasp. Edward rested his chin on my shoulder, with his motionless finger still inside of me.

"Mmm...you're so wet for me," Edward breathed softly in my ear, his lip gently brushing against my lobe. I felt the wetness of his tongue as he stuck it out sweeping it along the side of my neck, causing me to shudder against him. I couldn't take this for much longer. I needed him, now.

"I need you...too," I spoke barely above a whisper. I felt completely desolate, the minute he eased his finger from me. He let go of my waist and walked over toward the shower, turning the knobs and I listened to the water cascade down the shower walls. I watched him test the water a few times with his hand before finally being satisfied with the temperature.

Edward turned around and picked me up, my feet barely hanging from the ground as he gently lifted me into the shower. I turned to face the shower head and stood under it letting the warm water saturate my body. I heard Edward step into the shower and close the door. Just as I was about to turn around, two large hands stopped me and came around to my stomach. Edward hugged me to him and I could feel his erect cock pushing into my back. His hands began to move lazily up my belly before they grazed my nipples. The sensation of his fingertips on my sensitive skin caused them to immediately harden at his touch. He began to massage each of my breasts, tenderly kneading his palms in a circular motion. I let my back rest against his firm chest and Edward squatted down, placing his chin upon my shoulder. He kissed the side of my neck and I squirmed as little chills coursed through my body.

As his hands slowed their movements, I reached down grabbing my washcloth and soap. Just as I was about to apply the soap to the cloth, Edward pulled them away from my grasp and shook his head. He applied the soap to the rag and began to rub it smoothly over my body. He washed everything from my toes all the way up to my neck. When he went to set the washcloth down, I took it from him applying more soap, pushing him into the stream of warm water.

I ran the washcloth over his back first before getting the his thighs and calves. Gently nudging his shoulder, I turned him around to face me. His eyes were glazed over and the look that he was giving me made me weak in the knees. I rubbed the washcloth along his chest making sure to wash each and every crease. I got each of his arms and then knelt down to get the tops of his feet. As I worked my way back up his body, there was only one part that hadn't been touched by the washcloth. Looking down at his cock, my mouth watered and I felt heat flood my cheeks.

"Oh, what's this? Is someone having impure thoughts?" he laughed, running his fingertip along my cheek.

Edward's finger moved down my cheek, past my neck and continued its descent. He trailed down my chest and along my stomach, before finally landing exactly where I wanted him. His hand cupped my pussy and he gently pushed me, causing my back to land flat against the cold wet shower wall. He ran two of his fingers up and down along my slit teasingly and I let out a soft sigh. I needed him inside of me again. I needed him to satiate me.

"Please," my voice was shaky.

"Do you want me, Bella?" Edward asked as his eyes bore into mine.

"Need," was all that I could manage to get out, my tone begging.

At my request, Edward slowly worked two fingers inside of me, pushing in and easing them back out. My hands reached up and grasped onto the towel rack, as I lifted my right leg up placing it along the wall. Edward gripped my leg wrapping it around his body. His fingers began to move at a faster rate, and with each pump of his hand he pushed them further into me. My head fell back against the wall causing a loud thump. That was definitely going to leave a mark, though that was the last thing on my mind.

Edward paused briefly and ran his free hand over the back of my head. "Are you okay, beautiful?" he sounded genuinely concerned. I nodded and placed my hand over his, motioning for him to continue. The sensation of his fingers entering me was a feeling that I would never tire of.

Edward touched my chin softly tilting my head back down. "Look at that. See my fingers moving in and out of your tight, wet pussy?" Edward rarely got extremely dirty with words, but when he did I absolutely fucking loved it. His words furthered my excitement and I could feel my insides tingle, alerting me of the release that was soon to come. I looked down at what his fingers were doing to my body; it felt erotic yet tender all at the same time.

"Amo quando le mie mani sono all'interno di voi." I wasn't exactly sure of what he said, but I knew it was something about his fingers inside of me.

Wanting to reciprocate the pleasure that Edward was giving me, I trailed my fingers down his erection, stopping once I reached the tip and giving it a light squeeze.

"Fuck, Bella," Edward moaned into my mouth, his tone desperate and needy.

I loosely gripped the base of his cock and began to run my palm slowly up and down it. Each time I got to the tip I would twist my wrist slightly. Edward continued to work his long fingers in and out of me, his pace gradually becoming faster. He added a third finger and began to twist his wrist with each push. The hasted motion and intensity of it all caused me to pant.

"Assolutamente strabiliante," he whispered against onto my skin.

We both had set a steady pace, mirroring one another. Edward's free hand made its way around my body and started to softly rub my swollen clit. His fingers were plunging deeper into me and I uncontrollably began to let out little noises with each new thrust of his hand. My own hand stalled momentarily, before it eventually found its pacing, yet again gliding along his cock.

With each new push I could feel myself getting closer to the edge, ready to fall off. My lower stomach got that familiar tingling and I began to stroke my hand faster against his cock, knowing that I would soon see my release. Edward leaned forward and drew my breast into his mouth, sucking firmly onto it as his tongue danced along my nipple.

"Mmm," I hummed and he began leaving soft wet kisses all over my chest.

My hand went to the base of his cock and I cupped his sac gently massaging it. Edward moaned, his mouth still attacking my chest.

"Make me come, Edward," I moaned. "Come, with me."

Edward's fingers were fucking me at a swift, even pace. My entire body became ignited, knowing the euphoria that would soon arrive. Edward's lips touched mine as we tried to kiss through our gasps and grunts. My inside walls began to tighten around his fingers. Edward rolled my clit between his fingers and I came undone.

"Oh God," I screamed, my voice echoing off the shower walls. The sensation and intensity of my orgasm was almost overbearing.

As my legs began to shake, he let out a loud groan before I felt the warm liquid of his release fill my hand.

Edward gently slid his fingers out of me and I watched as he lifted them to his lips licking each one of them. I must have squeaked, because he looked down at me with a devilish grin.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want a taste?" he said, with a wicked grin.

I playfully pushed his arm. "No, perv."

"Fine, suit yourself, more for me." Edward tilted his head giving me a childish look, before continuing to clean off his fingers.

The water that had been running for the past forty-five minutes was no longer warm, in fact it was freezing and although I didn't notice it at the time, I certainly did now. Opening the shower door, I quickly reached over grabbing my towel and drying off. Edward followed and we made our way back into the bedroom to get dressed and ready for the day. I stood at the dresser grabbing a t-shirt and shorts, while Edward was in the closet putting on scrubs for work.

"You know, I don't think I've ever heard you scream quite that loud," Edward said, barely able to contain his laughter.

I reached in the drawer grabbing a pair of jeans and throwing them at him. He ducked inside the closet, before coming out with a childish pout on his face. He couldn't hold his expression for long and let out a loud laugh. I shook my head and playfully rolled my eyes as I made my way into the bathroom.

After I was finished washing my face, I took the small plastic cup and filled it with water. Reaching for my birth control packet, I punched the one for today out. Edward walked over toward the bathroom counter and I glanced up looking at him through the reflection of the mirror. He sighed heavily his eyebrows knitted together.

"Baby, why don't you stop taking those? Can't we just see what happens? See if it's meant to be?" Edward ran his hand lovingly along my back.

I placed the cup and the pill on the counter and turned to face him, putting my hand on his shoulder. "Hmm...I have a better idea. Let's hold hands and jump off a cliff and see if we're _meant_ to die."

Edward gave me a disapproving look and shook his head letting his gaze fall to the floor. I felt a wave of anger pass through me. Was he seriously thinking that having a child was supposed to be that effortless?

"Great so now you're comparing carrying a child to death...real nice Bella," Edward mumbled, his eyes still glued to the floor.

"No, what I'm comparing is the fact that they both sound like rash decisions. You don't just decide spur of the moment to have a child. It's not something that you can change your mind about," I reasoned, my voice climbing with every few words I spoke.

Edward finally brought his face back up, his eyes locking onto mine. "So you think that after being together for over six years that us making a child is a "rash decision"? How long do I have to wait before it becomes a suitable topic for discussion, Bella?" he spat out.

My mouth opened and quickly snapped back shut. I didn't know what to say. He had never talked to me like that before. In all these years, I don't think I had ever heard Edward snap at me like he just had.

"Now you have nothing to say? You know not _everything_ is about you. What about how _I_ feel about something; _my_ opinion. Does it not matter anymore?" he seethed out. He reached up running his hand through his hair, tugging firmly on the ends.

How could he say things like that to me? Was he seriously asking me if I valued his personal opinion any longer? Did he think that I only cared about myself?

"I can't believe that you would even ask those questions, Edward. So, me not being ready for a baby means that I'm making everything about me? You would rather me put my own feelings aside and just go along with all of it to make _you_ happy? Is that what you really want?" I asked as I felt all of my emotions bubbling to the surface. He knew that this was a sore subject with me, yet he kept pushing.

I could feel the tears start to well up in my eyes and I bit down on my bottom lip, blinking rapidly trying to keep them from spilling out onto my cheeks. I absolutely hated arguing, especially over nothing. Over the past few years Edward and I very rarely had an argument. I was really hoping to keep things that way.

"Oh, so now suddenly you are worried about making _me_ happy? Don't worry about my happiness, Bella. You just keep worrying about what makes _you_ happy or rather what doesn't," his voice furious. With that he turned and quickly walked out of the room. Soon I was able to hear his footsteps stomping loudly down the stairs, right before the front door slammed shut.

As I stood there my emotions seemed to swarm between being saddened, confused and stunned. This type of behavior was so unlike him. The raised voice, the harsh accusations, the door slamming. None of that was Edward-like behavior.

Making my way over to the bed, I sat down letting all of the words that he had just spewed, consume me yet again. The cruel words were cutting through me like a dull knife. This is why I never talked to Edward about starting a family. This was my reasoning for keeping things so bottled up inside. When we didn't talk about it, it didn't leave me feeling like I needed a stiff drink. It didn't leave me feeling like my husband was trying to lay blame on me for his unhappiness. It didn't leave me feeling that he was trying to guilt me into something. This was why I never brought up the subject to Edward, because apparently he could only see one side of the argument.

*****

I walked up to the familiar door and knocked on it twice, before I heard a yapping bark coming from the inside. Alice and Jasper's jack russell terrier, Winnie, was always barking about something. She was the very reason Edward and I _didn't _own a dog. Neither of us could deal with the constant noise and mess that they created. Yet, he wanted a child, which pretty much does the same types of things. I rolled my eyes at that thought as I knocked yet again on the wooden door. Still nothing, except Winnie's obnoxious barking.

Huffing, I pulled my phone out and dialed Alice's number. Finally after five rings she picked up.

"Hey Bella," she sounded out of breath.

"Umm, hi?" sounding more like a question than a greeting. "Is this a bad time?"

"No, I was just in the middle of something. What's up?" she asked, still sounding kind of distant.

"I was coming over to talk, but you apparently aren't home," I said disappointingly.

"Actually I am. I didn't hear the door from upstairs. I'll be right down." With that I heard the phone snap shut. I picked my purse up from the concrete step and waited for her to come to the door.

Alice opened the door and though she looked slightly disheveled, she had a glow to her complexion that I had never seen before. She hugged me tightly before letting me walk the remainder of the way inside the foyer. Winnie came running right up, the little bell on her collar jingling the whole way. Then she jumped up to prop herself on my shin and I leaned down to tenderly pat her furry head.

Alice turned back around to face me, giving me a sweet smile. "So, how are you? Everything okay?"

I hesitated a moment. "No...not really."

"It's my brother, isn't it? He's being a complete ass again?" she asked with an apologetic look.

"How'd you know?"

"It's what he's best at," she giggled. Noticing that I didn't laugh along with her, she quickly changed her tone.

"Okay, what's going on, Bella?" this time her expression was full of concern. She started toward the stairs and I followed behind her, still not sure how to start this conversation. We got into her and Jasper's bedroom and she walked over to the bed, plopping down gracefully onto it. I sat down beside her, turning to face her although my eyes went down to the floor.

"Well, the morning started off great. It felt like when we were first living together. The spontaneity and all that. But he came in the bathroom when I was taking my birth control pills and asked me to quit taking them," I sighed. Alice wore a frown and her eyebrows were stitched together.

"That's not the worst of it though. After that we got into the worst argument we've ever had and then on top of it all he walked out on me." Just as the last word left my mouth, I could feel the tears start to prick my eyes. I was surprised that I was crying, I didn't even see it coming. Soon enough my chest started to feel like it was collapsing in on itself and I felt the tears begin to spill out onto my cheeks.

Alice reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it softly.

"Oh, Bella. I'm sorry, hun," she cooed, tenderly running her thumb over the top of my hand.

"I just...don't understand," I tried to get out through my sniffling. "We used to want the same things. Now he is changing his mind on...everything." I reached up to wipe the tears from my face and Alice instinctively handed me a Kleenex.

Alice remained quiet for a couple of minutes before she finally cleared her throat. "You two need to seriously just sit down and have a talk. If I have to come mediate than so be it, but it needs to happen. I can't believe Edward was getting loud, apparently he is bottling things up again. Those things need to come out, and the sooner they do the better off both of you will be," Alice spoke softly.

I sat silently, and nodded my head.

"And you," Alice tilted her head toward me, giving me a cockeyed look, "Bella, you have some things bottled up too. So Edward isn't the only one that needs to open up. I know that his work schedule has kept the two of you from talking as much as you used to, but that's no excuse. You have to make time for each other whether it's there or not."

I smiled at her through my glistening eyes and wiped the last of the tears off of my cheeks. I took in a deep breath and felt the much needed calmness wash over me. It was as if my mood had completely changed. Everything felt so much better, except for my bladder, which felt like it was going to explode at any minute.

"Umm, I need to use the bathroom before I wet the bed," I laughed, squirming from the discomfort.

Alice pointed toward the bathroom door and I ran, barely making it to the toilet in time. After washing my hands I glanced at the counter noticing a Walgreen's bag with several small boxes in it. Being the nosy person that I was, I took a peek and realized that they were pregnancy tests. Grabbing one out of the bag, I walked back into the bedroom meeting Alice's eyes.

"Something you want to tell me," I asked, waving the package teasingly.

Alice stood up from the bed and rushed over to me. "Well, I was going to tell you but other things needed to be discussed first." She grabbed the box from my hand. "I'm a week late and have had different symptoms. But I didn't want to say anything and then get everyone's hopes up. I haven't even said anything to Jasper, because I knew that if I wasn't then he would be crushed."

"Well, now that you are here, you'll be doing this with me," she grinned. I watched as she glided into the bathroom and pulled out all of the boxes, getting each of the tests out of their plastic wrappers. Although Alice had never been pregnant, she amazingly seemed to know just what she was doing. Alice gathered up what must have been six of the sticks and walked over to the toilet. Suddenly feeling awkward, I decided to go sit back down on the bed. Alice and I had seen each other through several scenarios, but I certainly didn't need to stand there and watch her pee.

"You better not be going anywhere on me," she yelled from inside the bathroom.

Wanting to make her laugh I jokingly replied. "No, it's your brother that does the walking out, remember?" And though it was funny, I felt a slight pang in my chest remembering the last words that he had spoken to me.

After what must have been ten minutes of silence I decided that I had better check on my sister-in-law. When I got to the bathroom door, I stood there watching Alice as she picked up one test stick after another. She finally settled on a certain test, looking at it like she was studying the results.

"So, what does it say?" I asked anxiously waiting. My teeth sinking down into my bottom lip yet again.

Alice stood there calmly, silently staring down at the plastic stick. Her small hand came up to wipe the tear that had escaped her glistening blue eyes. I heard her lightly sniffle before she finally looked up at me.

She slowly walked over toward me. She handed the test stick to me and I quickly brought it up to see the results. When I looked down and saw the two pink lines, my heart clenched, yet rejoiced at the same time.

My emotions were so conflicted and I wasn't sure what I should have been feeling at that moment. On one hand I wanted to be happy and excited for her, this is what Alice had been wanting for some time now, but on the other I felt like I had been abandoned. This was it, I would be the oddball now. Bella, the only one that isn't a member of the "I'm a mommy" club.

Trying to push my selfish thoughts aside, I grabbed Alice hugging her tightly.

"I'm so happy for you and Jasper," I gave her a squeeze before finally releasing her.

Alice wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"I...I just can't believe it happened so soon for us. Usually it takes months or even years for women to get pregnant," Alice sniffled.

"It must be meant to be then," I replied, reaching over and lightly rubbing her belly.

Alice smiled widely at me and the glow that I had noticed earlier seemed to be shining even brighter now.

I had never seen Alice look more beautiful, than in that very moment.

*****

After spending four hours going through a list of emotions with Alice, I reluctantly said goodbye and made my way back home.

My muscles had been so tense all day that a nice long bath sounded like the perfect thing. Once I was up the stairs and into the bedroom, I turned to go in the bathroom. Out of the corner of my eye I glimpsed something lying on the bed. Making my way toward the bed I saw a wrapped box with an envelope on top of it. Apparently Edward had come back home at some point.

I sat down on the bed and reached for the envelope quickly tearing it open. Edward's terrible handwriting was scribbled all over the paper.

*~*~*

Bella,

Honey I'm sorry for behaving the way I did this morning. I am absolutely ashamed of myself, not that it takes any of the harsh words that I spoke back. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I promise that I won't blow up like that at you again under any circumstance. As soon as I walked out of that door I regretted everything that I had said to you and I wish that I could go back and redo the whole conversation. I'm sorry that I decided to ruin the absolute perfect morning that we were having. I think that I've just let all the stress from work build up and unfortunately all of that came pouring out onto you. Not that that's an excuse, because frankly there is no excuse for it. We do need to sit down and talk about things, you know like we used to do. I miss just talking with you.

I love you.

More and more everyday.

Edward

Now open the box and call me!

*~*~*

I ripped open the wrapping paper on the box and was grinning from ear to ear when I saw what it was. Edward had heard me talking about needing to get a new phone, so he went and bought me an iPhone. I internally squealed opening the cardboard box and removing its contents.

After realizing that Edward had already set up the service and activated everything I decided to call him like he had asked me to do. It took me about ten minutes to figure out how in the hell to even dial out. The phone rang three times before he picked up.

"This is Doctor Cullen," Edward sounded wiped out.

"Hey you," I sweetly spoke.

"Hey baby," Edward lovingly returned.

"How's your head?" his concerned tone told me that it had been bothering him.

"It's fine, really. Started to hurt earlier so I took a couple of Advils and it's been okay since then."

"Okay good. You need to be careful for the next few hours. Sometimes a concussion doesn't show up until hours after the occurrence. Also, you shouldn't be driving at all today, dizziness can occur without notice." I decided that it would be best not to tell him that I had in fact already driven to Alice's. Although I'm sure he knew, considering my absence when he dropped by earlier.

"Okay Doctor Cullen," I teased.

"Ohhh, say it again," Edward drawled causing me to giggle. I loved when he let his true Southern accent come through. Though he hated it, I found it to be quite sexy.

"Thank you for the phone."

"I had been meaning to get you a new one. Do you like it?" Edward asked.

"Like it? Umm, I _love_ it! Although it is going to take me a while to figure this thing out," I laughed.

"I really would love to talk with you longer, but I have to go." I could hear the disappointment in his voice.

"Oh, okay."

We sat there in an awkward silence for a few seconds before he eventually spoke again.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"I meant everything that I wrote in that letter."

"I know," I tried to assure him.

"I really am sorry, baby."

"I know."

"I love you, Bella," Edward spoke sounding desperate.

"I love you, too, Edward."

With that I heard the click telling me that the call had ended.

I played around with the phone for a bit, trying to learn my way around all the different apps. Soon enough I would have everything memorized and be in love with it. Until then I would stay frustrated and confused. I took out my other cell phone and started to transfer all my information, at least that was something that I knew how to do.

As I scrolled down through the list of contacts, I made sure that I transferred all of the correct names and numbers. Once I was down to the letter R, I knew that after Rachel's name came Rose. To my surprise there was another name glowing on the small screen.

**Rob**

* * *

**A/N**: Okay so a little bit of HF, hang in there with me. Remember I **promised HEA** and I meant it! Please **leave me some words**, I'll return the favor with a **teaser for next chapter**! :) Also, just to let ya'll know, each and every review I get is what I go back to and re-read over and over to motivate me to write, they are all very special to me and I can't even explain how much I appreciate the love! I puffy heart you all!


	6. Babies, Boys and Blondes

**A/N**:** Yes, I am finally posting a new chapter! Rather than post an epic long author note about whats been going on I'm gonna let ya'll get to the chapter. I just want to say THANKS for all of the thoughts, prayers and support while I was healing up. You'll never know just how much they meant to me.**

**Big Thanks goes out to my beta, hand holder, shoulder to lean/cry on, friend and everything in between: Mel (mcc101180). Mel, you are just awesome. that is all. Oh yeah and she writes this great fic called "Desired". It's full of twists and turns and if you're not reading it yet YOU SHOULD!**

**Disclaimer: As always SM owns all the Twilight characters, I just like to play with them.**

* * *

The name that glowed brightly on the screen completely baffled me.

**Rob**

I stared at my phone in confusion, trying to figure out who in the hell Rob was and why he had no last name. Thinking back to the events of the past few weeks, I tried to remember anywhere that the name would have come from. I thought of going out with the girls a few weeks ago when it finally hit me. Oh my God, it was the guy from Market street. I certainly hadn't expected to hear his name ever again. How in the hell had his phone number gotten into my phone though? I remembered being pretty wasted, but definitely not taking anyone's phone number. That night I bumped into him, then we danced, then he used my phone and that was it. Wait, he used my phone! When he supposedly was making a phone call he must have actually inserted his name and number into it. What a sneaky asshole. I guess he hadn't heard me the first twenty times that I had said I was happily married.

Without thinking twice about it, I quickly pressed the delete button on my phone. Just like that he was erased, not only from my phone but hopefully from my memory as well. Thank God I had found that before Edward did. He wasn't one for snooping around, but he did happen to use my cell on occasion. I could only imagine the reaction that Edward would have to finding an unknown guy's number in my phone.

*******

The past month ran by in a blur and before I knew it the end of summer had approached. Alice was progressing smoothly through her pregnancy and she was now at a healthy seventeen weeks. She had been excited all week because tonight she was finally going to tell everyone the good news. Jasper had been good about keeping the secret along with Alice and I. Thankfully, after tonight there would be no secret to keep. I was tired of keeping it from Edward.

Sitting on the edge of the bed I let my mind run wild as all my thoughts interwove. I thought about Alice being pregnant, Edward's busy non-stop work schedule, what I was going to wear over to his parents house tonight. The more I contemplated things the heavier my eyelids felt.

"Honey, wake up. You have to get ready." Edward's soft voice was accompanied by a light shaking of my shoulder.

I blinked a few times and squinted as the light seeped into my sight. Sitting up I looked at Edward as my clouded thoughts came into focus.

"What time is it?" I asked slightly confused.

Edward glanced down at his watch. "It's twenty till four. We have to leave here shortly."

That didn't make any sense to me, it was around twelve o'clock when I came upstairs. I had slept for almost four hours? I almost never took a nap during the day and when I very seldom did, it was only for twenty minutes at the most.

I yawned as I ran my hands over my face, trying to wipe the sleep away.

"You don't find it odd that I was asleep for hours?" I asked Edward with one of my eyebrows quirked up.

"Yes, actually I do." He placed the back of his hand onto my forehead.

"You're a little warm. You may be getting sick, babe." Edward walked into the bathroom and re-appeared within seconds.

"Here," he handed me a pill and half a glass of water. "Take this, it's Vitamin C. That should help fight off whatever it is that's after you." He smiled, placing a gentle kiss on the top of my head.

"Okay, I'm gonna hop in the shower. Will you be ready to go in the next half hour?" He turned toward the bathroom grabbing a towel out from under the sink.

"Yep, I should be set."

I was thankful that I had taken my shower this morning. Feeling the rush, I quickly made my way to the closet and searched through the first rack of apparel debating which outfit to choose. Finally deciding on a pair of black pants and a nice turquoise fitted top that I had just purchased last week. I removed the tag and slid the silk material over my head.

Pulling my hair up into a loose ponytail I applied a small amount of make-up, mostly to cover up any of imperfections. I sprayed on a dab of coconut body mist, placed my pearl earrings in and stood in front of the full length mirror inspecting myself. Approving of what I saw, I grabbed my sandals out from the bottom of the closet and slid them on just as Edward emerged from the bathroom.

His smell enveloped me as soon as the door opened and I couldn't help but look at how low his towel hung from his waist. Little water droplets rolled down from his chest and I just wanted to lick them all off.

"You look beautiful." Edward walked over to the dresser pulling out a white t-shirt and a pair of gray boxers.

"You're not so bad yourself," I giggled. He turned around and pulled the t-shirt over his head and replaced the towel with his boxers. Walking over to where I stood at the closet, he glanced around before pulling out what he decided to wear.

I leaned in placing a trail of soft kisses along his neck stopping for a brief moment once I reached his earlobe, taking it between my lips. Edward groaned, but gently pulled away.

"Bella, not that I don't love this side of you, but what has gotten into you?" Edward asked as a smile crept over his lips.

"Hopefully you...soon," I giggled as I walked over toward the bed. Once I felt the mattress hit the back of my knees, I plopped down and glanced up at him. The shock and excitement that flashed across his face was priceless.

Edward sighed and a frustrated look appeared on his face.

"As much as I would love to, you know we have to leave here in the next ten minutes. For once I'd like to not be late."

*****

We arrived at the Cullen estate fifteen minutes late, which was nothing unusual for Edward and I. He parked the Tahoe then quickly came around to the passenger side opening my door. Always the gentleman. Edward grabbed my hand and we made our way up the walkway to the front door. Esme had decorated the front porch in a fall theme. The big white columns had burnt orange and brown ribbons wrapped around them. She had put out various sized pumpkins and little scarecrows were seated by the front door. It was nicely done, but Esme and I definitely had different tastes when it came to home décor. Edward rung the doorbell twice and the door almost immediately opened.

"So nice of you to join us," Emmett's voice boomed behind the door. He leapt out from behind it and gave Edward a half hug.

"Bells, I haven't seen you in months. I was beginning to wonder if I needed to call the authorities." Emmett reached around my waist and lifted me up, squeezing me tightly. I hated his bear hugs almost as much as I hated the nickname, Bells that he had given me during high school, but I absolutely adored Emmett.

"Em, it hasn't been months, more like two weeks," I laughed. He finally set me back down and I was released from his grip. I could hear Alice and Austin talking in the living room and decided to take that route first.

Alice was sitting on the floor with Austin on her lap, both staring intently at the book that she was holding. I had to admit they looked adorable, in fact, I wished I had a camera to capture the perfect little moment.

I listened to Alice as she finished reading "The Three Little Pigs" and she snapped the book shut causing a bout of giggles from her nephew.

"Okay buddy, can you do something for Aunt Ali?" she asked sweetly.

"Mmhmm," Austin answered excitedly.

"Go tell mommy and nonna that Aunt Bella and Uncle E are here." Alice glanced over toward me with a silly look causing Austin to giggle again.

"Oooookay!" Austin all but yelled. We all knew where he got that particular trait from. Like father, like son.

I walked over to her, reaching out a hand to help her get up from the carpet. As soon as she stood up, she grabbed me and hugged me tightly, almost too tightly.

"Well, I'm happy to see you too!" I laughed.

Alice giggled. "Sorry, it's been over a week. You know how I get."

"How are you feeling today?" I asked quietly knowing that only one other person here knew of the news that Alice and Jasper had to tell today. I had just talked to her on the phone yesterday, but I still felt the need to ask if anything had changed. Ever since she had found out about the pregnancy she seemed to be a lot more clingy. She called at least twice a day, often more. Not that I minded because I stayed concerned about her and since I was the only person to know besides Jasper, I felt that it was only right to make sure I was available when she needed me.

"Ugh! Nothing new, sick all day. All of what were once my favorite foods I now absolutely despise. My moods are swinging more than a married couple in the 70's. Oh and the best part is I've gone up a pants' size!" Alice sighed. "Oh, but other than that everything is wonderful," she pouted.

I made a sad face showing my displeasure for how she was feeling. Just as I was about to comment on it, Rose came barreling into the room with Conner on her hip.

"Austin let me know that Aunt Bewwa was here," Rose giggled as she switched Conner to her other side. Alice reached out to take Conner from Rose. As soon as her arms opened up, he went willingly to his aunt. She leaned down kissing the top of his bald little head and I couldn't help but to think of her doing that to her own baby in less than six months. I don't know what came over me, but suddenly I could feel moisture began to build within my eyes and quickly blinked back the tears.

"Cute." I laughed. Alice looked like a mother already. At first she seemed so worried, but I think she was finally starting to feel comfortable with what awaited her.

"Okay, everyone please make your way to the dining room!" Emmett shouted from the kitchen. He was always the first to know when food was done.

We all made our way to the overly decorated dining room table. I stood waiting for everyone to pick where they were going to sit. Carlisle sat at the head of the table, Edward taking the opposite end. Esme sat to her husband's right, followed by Emmett, then Austin in his booster seat. I decided to finish off that row and sat down with Edward to my right. Across the table was baby Conner in his highchair, then Rose, Alice and Jasper beside Carlisle.

Everyone filled their plates with the delicious feast that was laid out in front of us. The mood was set with gentle music and light conversation. I was discussing a new article I was working on to Rose, Edward was talking to Emmett about an upcoming golf date, everyone else seemed to be engulfed with Alice's news of scoring a celebrity client for an upcoming wedding.

Carlisle's phone rang and he quickly excused himself from the table, returning shortly thereafter.

"That was Bill. Did you forget making plans with them for this evening?" he turned toward his wife.

She placed her fork on her plate. "Oh, dear. We were supposed to go with him and Judy to the Isle tonight."

Esme looked frantically at Rose.

"Y'all should go. You guys don't need to break your plans for our sake," Rose reasoned.

"It's not a big deal, we can just reschedule for another night. It's not every night that we get to spend time with our grandsons," Esme responded.

Esme looked at Carlisle and you could see the slight disappointment on his face.

"Why don't you let Bella and I watch them?" Edward quickly spoke up.

I cut my eyes toward Edward and gave him a sharp glance hoping that he would be able to read my mind and know that I didn't think it was a good idea. We had watched Austin before, but never along with Conner and never overnight. Not to mention that I actually had other plans for the evening, like finishing what got started earlier.

"Oh, I don't know...I wouldn't want to burden y'all," Rose spoke, smiling at me and apparently understanding my discomfort. "We'll just go out some other time." I could hear the letdown in her voice.

"Nonsense, no burden at all. Bella and I would love to watch the little guys," Edward declared.

I did feel kind of bad that Rose and Emmett wouldn't be able to go out if they couldn't find a replacement. From what I had heard, they hadn't been out alone together for months. So I decided to push aside my displeasure and let them have their night.

"Sure, we would love to Rose," I added cheerfully.

Edward seemed surprised by my response, but I could tell it pleased him as he leaned in and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek, before whispering,"It will be fine. You'll do great."

Esme brought out her famous Banana Pudding and everyone hurt themselves by having double helpings of the tasty dessert.

Suddenly, Alice stood up from the table, clearing her throat. Everyone's attention was focused on her as she played with the fringe of her shirt. Jasper got up to stand beside her, reaching out and rubbing her back.

"Jasper and I have some news to tell y'all," Alice softly spoke. She looked down at the table cloth. I could already see the tears beginning to form in her blue eyes. I wasn't sure why she was so nervous, she had been waiting for this moment for the past few weeks.

I glanced over toward Esme and she looked as though she was on the edge of her seat, ready to make an outburst. Carlisle calmly sat back in his chair, placing his hand on top of his wife's.

"Well, sweetie what is it?" Esme pleaded.

"Jasper and I, we're...well, I'm...we're-" Alice was cut off. "We're going to have a baby!" Jasper finished excitedly.

The room was silent for a brief moment.

"Oh my! Well that certainly is great news!" Esme sounded absolutely thrilled.

Rose got up and walked over to Alice placing her hand on Alice's stomach and squealing. Soon Esme followed as she made her way over to her pregnant daughter. I could hear the women begin to ask a dozen questions as Alice stood there boasting in the attention, smiling from ear to ear.

Edward reached under the table and grabbed my hand, gently squeezing it. I looked over to meet his joyful eyes.

"Did you know?" he asked with a questioning stare.

I nodded. "I did."

"I don't know how you kept it a secret from me," Edward laughed.

"I don't either. It was hard that's for sure." I leaned in giving him a quick kiss. "But Alice wanted to wait till she was further along before breaking the news. You know how she is, she didn't want to get everyone's hopes up."

"Sounds like my sister. Worried about everyone else as usual," Edward sarcastically remarked.

"Alice, that is the best news that we could have asked for. Now we'll have another grandchild to join Conner and Austin." Esme beamed.

"Maybe it will be a girl," Rose spoke with an enthusiastic tone.

"Oh, a girl would be wonderful," Esme exclaimed. "Of course, another boy would be just as well."

"So, looks like you two are next!" Emmett laughed from across the table. I looked over toward Emmett, shaking my head and laughing. Edward laughed as well, before responding.

"I'm working on that," Edward grinned and Emmett smirked before giving Edward a wink.

"I don't think so mister. We will let Alice and Rose produce the Cullen grandchildren for now."

"Aw, come on. Isn't it about time that you two did some procreating? And from what I hear the process isn't so bad either, if you know what I mean and I think you do." Emmett had a childish grin on his face and he looked over to Rose, who was wearing a slight blush. Everyone at the table burst into giggles.

"No, I think we're good," I replied as I leaned into to Edward, squeezing his shoulder.

Edward smiled, but I could easily tell that it was forced. He was clearly aggravated by my comment. Thankfully I didn't think anyone else at the table caught it. I cleared my throat and quickly got up from the table excusing myself to the bathroom. I just had to breathe for a second and let the tension die down some. He just had to keep pushing me every chance that he got. It was one thing to do it at home, but in public in front of his family, that was low.

I was determined to enjoy the rest of the evening so I made my way back out to the living room where everyone was gathered. Soon it was time to be heading out. We all said our goodbyes. Rose talked with me about what the boys routines were and made sure that we were comfortable with keeping them overnight. Emmett was helping Edward put the car seats in the backseat as I assured Rose that everything would be fine. They handed over all the essentials and then hugged and kissed the boys before promptly driving away. I'm sure they were excited to have some alone time.

We got the boys settled into their seats and gave each something to occupy them for the ride.

"I can't believe Alice is pregnant," Edward spoke softly almost as if he were in disbelief.

"Yeah, they both seem really excited and happy."

"That could be us, you know?" Edward looked at me and I could see the hope that he was clinging to.

"Edward..." I started to correct him, but I just couldn't stand the arguing anymore.

Thankfully for the rest of the car ride home he decided to steer clear of that particular subject and we enjoyed the radio, as it seemed to pick just the right songs.

I looked back at the two boys in the back seat. They both seemed to be in their own little worlds. Conner was playing with a book that made animal noises, while Austin was piecing together some kind of Lego contraption. I turned my head back toward the front and was met with a sight that caused me to giggle. Edward had apparently been watching me watch the boys. The look on his face said it all. The smile that stretched across his lips seemed to be permanent. But before he got any wise ideas I thought that I should set things straight.

"Okay just so you know, this was all your idea, so guess who's in charge?" I asked giving him a serious look.

"I know, I know." Edward leaned back after turning off the engine. "I just wish you would have a little faith in me, in us really. You'll see...we are going to do great." He leaned over giving me a sweet kiss.

The rest of the evening seemed to fly by. Edward was really great with both of the boys. He read to Conner and helped Austin build a skyscraper out of Legos. At one point Edward had Conner on his lap and Austin right beside him at the piano. He played one of his own pieces, it was soft and slow and the boys sat quietly, mesmerized by the melody.

Bedtime approached and I helped Austin brush his teeth, well as much as I could help. He was at the stage where he was a "big boy" and didn't want anyone's assistance. I placed him in the full sized bed that we had set up in the guest room.

"Aunt Bewwa?"

"Yes?"

"How comes you don't have a baby in your tummich?" Austin asked.

I was a little thrown off by the question, I imagined him asking something much more innocent.

"Well, my stomach isn't ready for any babies just yet." I smiled at him.

Thankfully he didn't press on, I watched his eyes finally close as I finished the next to the last page of Goodnight Moon. Leaning down, I instinctively placed a kiss on his forehead. Making my way to the door I turned and watched Austin for a moment, wanting to make sure that he was fast asleep.

I gathered up his dirty clothes to take down to the laundry room and made my way down the stairs. As soon as I hit the bottom step something seemed off. It was eerily quiet in the house. Either Edward was trying to get Conner down and was succeeding or he gave into the pacifier. I walked into the piano room where we had Conner's playpen set up only to find it empty. I walked into the living room and as soon as I looked up I smiled at the scene before me. There in the recliner was one of the most breathtaking sites. Edward was lying back in the chair with his feet propped up, fast asleep. In his arms was little Conner sleeping soundly on his chest.

Time seemed to pause for a moment and I took the chance to just enjoy the scene that played out in front of me. Yes, as cynical as I was about the whole having children deal, even I couldn't escape the sudden emotion that came over me. Seeing Edward like that was almost as sexy as seeing him coming out of the shower. I don't know what it was about seeing a man with a baby, or rather my man with a baby. My camera was lying on the table so I picked it up and snapped a single shot of them.

Debating on waking him or letting him get some rest I decided on the latter. As much as I really wanted to wake him up to go upstairs and do bad things, I knew that he needed some sleep. So I opted to sleep downstairs with them. I lightly moved Edward's arm and picked up Conner, cradling him in my arms as I walked toward his playpen. His bottom lip was stuck out and the pout that it created was absolutely adorable. After covering his little body up I watched for a moment to make sure he was content. I turned back toward Edward carefully laying a blanket on top of him and placing a soft kiss on his cheek. Finally, I grabbed my own blanket and bundled up on the couch.

Morning arrived and soon enough Rose and Emmett where at the door ready to pick up their two little men. Edward and I told them about how our night went and they seemed to be excited to have another option for babysitting. Truth be told, I wasn't against watching them again. I kind of enjoyed it.

Edward and I had a lazy Sunday. We watched a few movies, took a walk on the beach and he cooked dinner. There may have been a few other activities in between.

The following four weeks flew by and before I knew it August was coming to a close and we were moving into September. Edward had been working double shifts the past two weeks and hadn't had much free time for anything besides sleeping and the occasional love making.

I awoke full of bliss only to be saddened when I reached over and didn't feel Edward's body on the opposite side of the bed. It was unlike him to not tell me bye before leaving for work, but apparently he hadn't wanted to wake me. Grabbing my phone I dialed Edward's number, hoping that he would have a minute to talk. Hearing a sudden beeping sound coming from across the bedroom, I got up and searched for the source of the noise. After I realized it was coming from inside Edward's pants that lay on the floor, I picked them up pulling his cell phone from the pocket. He had forgotten his phone this morning. Edward never forgot to take his phone to work, it was his lifeline. The only thing I could think was that he had woken up late and in a rush to get out of the door and he had forgotten to grab it.

I sat down on the bed again and placed his phone on the bedside table. The phone proceeded to ring several times, ceasing my concentration. Apparently someone really need to get in touch with Edward so I decided that I would take it up to the hospital later in the day. As I finished typing up this week's article for The State paper, I saved my final draft to review once more this evening.

Edward's phone started ringing once again and I tried my best to simply ignore it. Unfortunately that didn't last very long and before I knew it I had picked it up off the table.

I didn't want to be nosy and I never looked through any of Edward's things, but I was curious as to who kept calling his phone. Flipping it open I was met with not a name, but what appeared to be someone's initials. "SM" was the only thing on the screen. It was odd that Edward would list someone by initials only, mostly because of how many different contacts he had to keep up with through the hospital.

Sitting back down on the bed, I tried to think about all of the people that we knew who had those initials, but no one was coming to mind.

Within the hour his phone beeped twice more and I finally decided to go ahead and take it to him. Apparently someone needed to get in touch with him, but I couldn't help but wonder who that someone was.

As I walked toward the entrance of the Emergency Room it felt like my insides were crawling. The sudden bout of nausea was most likely from my nerves. I paused for a brief moment, taking in a deep breath hoping that I could calm myself down a bit before I reached Edward. Gathering myself, I turned the corner and as I approached the nurses' desk, something caught my eye. There down the hallway was my husband talking to some tall, well endowed blonde woman. I could tell by her attire that she apparently worked at Charleston Memorial.

The blonde got a serious look on her face and then suddenly burst into laughter. I watched as she brought her hand up to her mouth to stifle the giggling. Edward spoke but I couldn't make out what he was saying, before he too began to laugh. Was my husband seriously over there flirting with Check-up Barbie? I mean, really who can have cleavage while wearing scrubs? And was it really necessary to put rollers in your hair in order to be around sick people all day? She looked as though she belonged in a Playboy magazine more than she belonged in a hospital and definitely not talking to _my_ husband.

"Oh, hello Mrs. Cullen." A cheerful voice brought me out of my fuming.

I looked over toward the desk and forced a smile.

"Hi there. I was just dropping something off for Edward."

"I can page him if you'd like?" she reached for the corded phone.

"No, no thanks. I think I know where he is." I smiled and patted the desk, before making my way to my destination.

As I walked down the narrow hall I felt my anger rise with each step that I took. Just as I was about to approach him he turned around, nearly colliding with me. The look on his face was definitely one of surprise and I'll bet he was wondering exactly how long I had been standing there watching.

"Hey sweetheart, I didn't expect to see you here."

"Yeah, I bet so," I replied with a bit more snark than I had hoped would come out.

Edward grabbed my waist to pull me in for a hug and I loosely gripped his shoulders. Pulling back I reached into my purse pulling out his silver Blackberry.

"You left your phone at the house. I thought I would drop it by, you know in case you have any important phone calls to make...or receive." I glanced up at him, gauging his reaction.

"Thanks babe. I really appreciate that. You know there's always someone needing to get in touch with me," he laughed.

As much as I wanted his phone to ring while we were standing there, it didn't. Soon enough he was paged to the nurses' desk. I walked with him and heard that he was being called to an emergency surgery. He apologized for not being able to talk and promised that he would make it up to me soon. As I walked out of the hospital I couldn't help the uneasy feeling that was settling over me.

Was Edward deliberately hiding something from me?

Or was I just imagining things?

* * *

**Please leave me some love...or hate. lol I miss your kind words. I'll send a tease out along with your review reply. :) Also, come chat with me over on the CaLCB thread on Twilighted (the link is right on my profile).**


	7. All I Wanted Was You

**A/N**: **You guys...ya'll had me** crying **with such sweets words that were left for me last chapter. I can't explain the feeling I get seeing all these **kind** words. xoxo You guys are absolutely** amazing**!!!**

**Thanks goes to the **lovely** Mel (mcc101180) for betaing this hot mess. She is the one that makes all my words** pretty**. and ily her for that & much more. again go check out her fic "Desired" it's such a beautiful story. (it's listed under my favs)**

**Disclaimer: I still do not own Twilight...sigh. I do own a bottle of **red rose **that is about to get cracked open. ;)**

*****Warning:** **_Heartfail ahead. Brace yourself. Please do not kill me.***_**

* * *

"Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you," Edward's warm breath fanned across my face as he softly sang into my ear.

I opened my eyes and peeked over at the alarm clock. Five o'clock in the morning was way too early for birthday wishes. Turning over to face Edward, I leaned in giving him a chaste kiss on his cheek. Morning breath was not something that either of us were fond of.

"Ugh, as much as I love your enthusiasm, singing this early should be a sin," I groaned as I got up from the bed and sprinted toward the bathroom before my bladder exploded. Since I was already in there, I grabbed my toothbrush, giving my teeth a quick cleaning.

"Well, I know how much you just absolutely loooove your birthday. I promise you this year it will be one of enjoyment," Edward yelled from the bed.

"Hmm, and what does _one_ have planned?" I walked out from the bathroom, playfully batting my eyelashes at him.

"Now, if I told you that would take all of the fun out of it." Edward shook his pointer finger toward me."And don't go asking Alice either because she is sworn to secrecy."

"She knows?" I asked, crawling back into the cozy bed. Moving in closer toward Edward, I cuddled up against his warm body.

"Yes, she does. I had to get her advice on a few things." Edward rolled over on his side, facing me. Cupping my cheek, he brought my face to his and gave me a tender kiss.

"Mmm, that's nice," I hummed against his lips.

A devious smile crept across his face as he let his hand roam my body. He abruptly cupped my left breast, causing me to squirm.

"Is this part of my birthday present?" I giggled. "Hopefully not the part that Alice knows about."

Edwards hand trickled down the middle of my stomach, tracing a circle around my belly button and paused once he reached the top of my lacy panties. Leaving a trail of kisses down my neck, his fingers slowly eased their way downward and I couldn't control the moan that escaped my lips.

**BEEP BEEP BEEP**

I jumped at the sudden noise that had taken over our quiet room. Edward frowned as he withdrew his hand and I felt myself internally groan. Of course, his phone would ring just when I was finally getting some time alone with him.

"Hello, this is Dr. Cullen?" Edward's professional voice resounded through the bedroom.

"Okay. Yes. I'll be right there." He ended the call and quickly got up from the bed. I knew this routine all too well. There was an emergency and he had to go...like always. Throwing on a pair of navy blue scrubs he grabbed his keys off the dresser before finally reappearing beside me.

"I'm sorry baby. I'll make it up to you, promise." He bent down giving me a quick peck on my forehead.

"Yeah, okay," I said without any emotion.

"I need you to be dressed in your best and waiting downstairs at seven o'clock on the dot."

"Alright, Dr. Seuss. I'll be ready and waiting."

He laughed as he departed the room and I listened to the familiar sound of his feet running down the stairs, before hearing the front door shut.

I wanted to be mad at him, I really did, but I couldn't. That was his job, when he was called he had to go. I knew this when I married him and I knew this now. Of course, that didn't make me feel any better every time he had to run. These past few weeks had been the worst, it seemed that he was never home. When he was home he was usually either sleeping or in a cranky mood because he _needed_ sleep. I had gradually made myself just deal with it. Adapting to our new lifestyle was what I had to do, whether I liked it or not. Still, ever since I found Edward at the hospital giggling with that nurse, I couldn't help the horrible thoughts that ran through my mind. What if she was the one who had been calling his phone? What if _she_ was "SM"?

Knowing that he had planned something special for tonight made me feel slightly relieved. I didn't really care about doing anything spectacular for my birthday, I just wanted some alone time with my husband.

Alice called and wanted to do lunch at our favorite spot. I figured spending some time with the girls would get my mind off of things and hopefully provide a much needed distraction.

*******

I spotted Alice and Rose at the corner table we usually sat at on our visits to Magnolia's. Alice looked absolutely beautiful, she definitely had that pregnancy glow thing going on. They seemed to be in some sort of deep discussion, as I snuck up on the two of them.

"Hey birthday girl," Alice's high-pitched voice rang throughout the restaurant. She jumped up and gave me a hug before I reached my seat. Once I saw her standing up I noticed that her belly had finally begun to show.

"Someone's got their baby bump showing," I smiled, running my hand along her protruded stomach.

"Yup, finally people aren't looking at me like I'm crazy when I tell them I'm twenty-three weeks pregnant," Alice laughed.

"Well, my personal favorite was when I was at the stage of not being able to tell if I was pregnant or just a fat ass," Rose made a face as she reminisced about her past pregnancies. I was once again out of the loop. It didn't bother me as bad now as it did in the beginning though.

"Have you guys already ordered?" I placed my purse on the tiled floor and took my seat.

"Yep, and I ordered for you too...your usual." Alice knew me way too well.

The food arrived and we kept minimal conversation as we all enjoyed our meal. Soon enough plates were empty and it was time for dessert.

"We all decided to go in together and get you something." Alice reached under the table before placing a fairly large package in front of me.

"I thought I told y'all no gifts," I sighed.

"Yeah, yeah and when do we ever listen to what you tell us?" Rose grinned wickedly. "Just shut up and open the damn thing."

I unwrapped the gift and opened up the heavily taped cardboard box. Inside there was three notebooks, I lifted them up to discover what was hiding underneath. It was the Livescribe Pulse Smartpen. Surprised that they had remembered me talking about it, I looked up at my two best friends.

"You guys really shouldn't have." I shook my head.

"Do you like it? If not we can take it back," Rose asked.

"I love it! It's not going back." I really did love it. It was something that I had wanted for a while, but didn't want to spend the money on myself. I figured Edward would have gotten it for me, but I guess I was wrong. Which had me wondering what in the world he could have gotten me for my birthday. I didn't remember bringing up anything else that I wanted to him.

"Really, it's great. This will make work a lot easier. I'll be able to write literally anywhere!" I explained excitedly.

"Yay! We did good." Alice winked at Rose. "I remembered you talking about it when it first came out, I just hoped that it was still something you actually wanted." Alice smiled.

"Thank you guys and tell the boys thanks as well." I figured that Jasper nor Emmett probably knew of this gift, but I still wanted them to know I appreciated it.

We discussed the changes that were going on in each of our lives. Rose was thinking about beginning to work from home. She enjoyed being a stay-at-home mom, but felt like she needed to be doing more. Emmett took a pay cut and although they were still doing fine, Rose thought that by her helping out it would put less stress on him. Alice talked about all the new changes that she was experiencing with her body, some were a little too much information, even for me. It was my turn to share and I wasn't feeling up to it. I kept things short just letting them know that Edward had been busy with work the past few weeks. A part of me wanted to bring up the mysterious phone call and the boobilicious blonde in the emergency room hallway, but I didn't.

"Oh, I forgot to tell y'all. I was going through my old cell switching all my contacts over to the iPhone and you'll never guess whose name and number I found." I knew that the two of them would have no idea who I was speaking of.

"Okay, remember the night we all went out to Market Street? Remember the guy I introduced you to at the end of the night?" I looked at Rose.

"You mean that little prick put his number in your phone?" Rose laughed.

"Yeah, apparently when he had to "make a call" he meant he needed to insert his number."

"So, did you call him?" Rose asked. _Was she seriously asking me that?_

"Hell no! I deleted it within seconds. Besides, why would I have called him?" I questioned.

"I don't know. I probably would have called it and cussed him out. Gave him a piece of my mind. Now he thinks he got away with something. Men should be punished when they do stupid shit," Rose got a fake stern look on her face.

Suddenly from across the building there was loud clapping slowly approaching. I turned around and noticed a group of the restaurant's employees heading to our table, cake in hand. I turned back toward the two culprits and gave them an evil glare. The singers, or lack thereof, reached the table and I could feel the blush on my cheeks intensifying by the second. I absolutely hated the birthday song. It was always obnoxious and made sure to get everyone's attention.

"**I don't know, but I've been told. Someone here is getting old.**

**I don't know, but it's been said. Someone's face is turning red.**

**Sound off. HAPPY. **

**Sound off. BIRTHDAY.**

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU." **

Rose was across the table cracking up, she never got embarrassed. Hell, anytime we tried to pull something on her she'd just get up and join in on the singing.

"Oh my God, I could kill you for that." I felt the heat from cheeks finally starting to dwindle down.

"That was great." Rose clapped her hands, laughing at my expense.

"Fuck you," I playfully spat back at her.

The cake caught my eye and I immediately knew who had baked it. It was absolutely gorgeous. Alice looked at a cake, like a painter looked at a blank canvas. She could create magnificent edible art. The one that she had created for mine and Edward's wedding was featured in a magazine. This one was bright and quirky. The base color was peach and it had huge sunflowers and dragonflies made out of fondant.

"Alice, it's beautiful." I smiled as I admired the birthday cake.

We enjoyed the decadent cake and all vowed to make another lunch date soon. Plans were made to go shopping together for the upcoming weekend and we decided to try lunch somewhere new.

"Well, we better let you get back home to get ready for your _surprise_," Alice spoke with delight.

"Oh yeah, you know about that right?" I glanced over toward her, awaiting her response hoping that I would get some sort of a clue as to what Edward had planned for tonight.

"I don't think so. You're not getting anything out of me, Missy."

Alice and Rose walked me out to my car and helped get what was left of the cake securely situated for the ride home.

*******

I made sure to be ready and waiting in the kitchen for Edward's arrival. Glancing over at the clock I noticed that it was ten till seven and poured a half glass of blush wine to keep me company while I waited. For some reason surprises always made me nervous, which was probably the reason for me disliking them so.

Seven o'clock passed and soon it was seven thirty. Edward was very rarely on time, so I wasn't stressing over the fact that he was already thirty minutes late.

_He'll be here._

As eight approached I began pacing the floor, worrying as I walked back and forth through our kitchen.

_What if something happened? Was he okay?_

Trying to calm my nerves I decided to pour another glass of wine and relax on the couch until he got home. Grey's Anatomy helped keep my mind from wandering and obsessing about what could be keeping Edward. I had to say, sitting on the couch in a elegant gown with a glass a wine watching Grey's seemed almost comical to me. I was the poster child for "I've been stood up". Before I knew it, I had watched two episodes and the clock on the television let me know that two more hours had passed.

Seeing as how he was three hours late, I finally decided that I had better call and check to see what was going on. Unfortunately, there was no ring and it went straight to voice mail, which meant that he had turned off his phone.

_Great. Just great._

The next several hours were a blur. Emotions swarmed and rapidly changed. I went from worried to angry to nauseous to peeved and finally becoming completely infuriated. How could he do this to me...again. It seemed like Edward was slipping out of my reach. No matter how hard I tried to keep things together, I just couldn't anymore. This wasn't what our marriage was supposed to be. A marriage was supposed to have two people in it, not one.

The room felt as though something had sucked all of the oxygen from it and I could hardly breathe. I struggled to maintain my breathing patterns but was having trouble keeping up. I ran to the back door and swung it open, making my way out onto the beach.

I took a deep breath letting the salty air fill my lungs. The sand was covering my bare feet as I walked further down on the shoreline. Standing right at the edge of the water, I closed my eyes and listened to the waves as they played their own melody. My dress was waving in the wind as it ripped against me.

Collapsing to the ground, my hands gripped the sand as the sobs began to break through my chest. I was to the point of crying so hard that it physically hurt.

All I could think about was _him_. He wasn't here. He never was. He promised he would be, but he isn't. I looked down at my beautiful, now wet, gown. The last time that I was on a beach in a gown was our wedding day. What happened to that young, excited couple that wanted nothing more than to be with one another? When in the past three years had we drifted so far from that moment?

*******

The front door opened and I heard Edward's keys hit the foyer table. I could feel my anger rising with each step that I heard him take. He came around the corner and paused at the entrance to the kitchen. Taking in my appearance he could tell that I was clearly upset.

"I suck, I know. I'm sorry there was a five car pile up, sixteen passengers in all." Edward propped his elbows on the counter and leaned down, running his hands through his ruffled hair. His eyes were slightly swollen and the darkened circles that had been forming were much more prominent tonight. He looked like hell. He looked physically the way I felt emotionally.

"So, what? You couldn't have called?" I asked, trying to keep my voice calm even though I was absolutely fuming on the inside.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Everything was so busy and I guess I just lost track of time until it was too late. I figured you would be asleep."

"Yeah, you figure a lot of things," I snapped back. "I guess you didn't figure that your wife would be sitting at home all dressed up and excited, waiting on her husband for the past seven fucking hours, worried that something bad had happened. Did you figure that, Edward?"

"Look, I'll make it up to you, promise." Edward finally walked over to where I stood. He stopped about a foot away. He gazed into my eyes almost as if he was searching for something. Nothing was said, the room was completely silent. That's when I realized something. Those eyes that I was looking into weren't the same ones that I had looked into for almost the past three years of marriage. They were somehow different. He reached out grabbing my arm, trying to pull me into him.

"Don't touch me." I backed away, out of his reach. He quickly pulled his hand away, squinting his eyes at me.

"Bella, calm down. You're drunk," Edward raised his voice.

"I've had four glasses of White Zinfandel, I'm hardly drunk," I indignantly spat back at him.

"This is ridiculous. Why are you acting this way?" Edward backed away and sat down on one of the bar stools. The crease between his eyebrows was protruding and the fine lines on his forehead began to show. This usually happened when he was extremely upset or worried about something. I'm not sure what had come over me, but I was ready to get it all out. I was tired of keeping everything bottled up so tightly inside. It was time to explode.

"You know what? I get it, I really do. You're mad at me about not being ready to start a family and because of that grudge you've been distancing yourself from me." I walked out of the kitchen and stood at the bottom of the stairs.

"That is such nonsense. Yeah, I've been away from you a lot, but not purposely. I have a job Bella, the same one I had when you married me. You knew what you were in for." Edward followed me and leaned his back up against the wall.

"Edward, even when you're not working and you're here...you're not really here with _me_." My voice came out shallow and weak.

"Bella..."

"No, no. It makes complete sense. I can't give you what you want, so you've refused my wants in return."

Running up the stairs I went with my first instinct and grabbed my suitcase from the closet throwing in whatever was close by. I knew what I was doing wasn't the best idea deep down, but I didn't care. I was tired of caring. Tossing in a week's worth of clothes, my toothbrush and make-up bag, I zipped up my Louis Vuitton luggage and grabbed my iPod off the nightstand. Turning to leave the room, I paused at the bedroom door, rethinking what I was about to do. Was this really what _I _wanted? Debating what my options were, I knew what I had to do. I picked up my suitcase and made my way down the stairs.

Edward was standing with his arm on the banister, waiting for me at the bottom. He glanced up at me and his eyes widened as he caught site of what was accompanying me.

"What the hell? You're leaving? Where are you going?" Edward asked rubbing his palm across his forehead.

"I need some time to think." That was the best answer I could come up with, although there were a few others I could think of.

"You can't think _here_?" Edward opened his arms up motioning toward our home.

"No, I can't. I'm tired of being in a house that is always empty, Edward. Do you know what it feels like to be married to someone, yet feel alone all of the time?"

"That's not _my_ fault." The look on his face almost broke my heart.

"You can't blame everything on work. You're supposed to be there for me, but you're not. You never are. I needed you time and time again, but you weren't there." I wiped the tear that escaped my watery eyes. I was honestly surprised that there was any moisture left after the hours of sobbing.

"You...you can't leave. I need _you_, Bella." Edward grabbed my hand.

"Oh, I'm sure you won't be lonely," I sneered. I was almost positive that he wouldn't miss me while he was at work flirting with the blonde or while he was busy talking to "SM".

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You'll figure it out." Making my way to the front door, Edward followed me still clinging on to my hand.

"Bella, please just calm down and let's talk about this."

"This isn't working anymore, Edward." I slid my hand out from his and grabbed and turned the door knob before walking out onto our front porch.

"I'll make it work...don't go," he pleaded.

"I can't." I turned around and for the first time in my life I walked away from my husband.

* * *

**Leave me some love (or hateness) ...please don't hate me. Remember there is a HEA. Come play on the CaLCB thread over on Twilighted (link on profile). If things get more lively, I'll post more teases over there. ;)**


	8. Opening the wounds

**A/N: Just wanna say I love you guys. I'm in a lovey mood tonight. haha This chapter is going up a little early due to the heartfail from last chapter. Sorry about reviews for last chapter. I deleted the author note I posted after my accident and it screwed up the chapter numbers, making it say that you had already reviewed the chapter. You guys should be able to review again now though. **

**Thanks as always to my wonderful beta love Mel (mcc101180) she really out does herself when it comes to making this story grow. ilhsm.**

_**Disclaimer: No, I still do not own Twilight or any of its characters. I do own this particular plot though. Please to not be stealing my words.**_

* * *

"Bella?" Jasper's groggy voice greeted me at the front door. I hadn't considered the time during the cab ride over and suddenly felt bad for waking him up.

"Ali's asleep, Sweetie. I can get her though, if you need her?" Jasper rubbed his hand across his tired eyes.

"No, no. Don't wake her up." I gave him a weak smile. He glanced down and his facial expression immediately changed from sleepy to confused as he caught sight of my suitcase.

"Is everything alright?" He looked genuinely concerned.

I couldn't answer him, so I simply shook my head no. The knot in my throat tightened at the thought of what had just occurred merely minutes ago.

Jasper reached out and picked up my luggage, taking it inside. "Come on in, let's get you upstairs and situated in the guest room." I followed him up to the second floor and into one of the three bedrooms that they had. I had seen the guest room before, but had never had a reason to stay in it. Until now.

Sitting my bag beside the bed, Jasper walked toward the doorway and then turned to face me.

"Look, I know you don't want to talk about it. But I'm sure that whatever this is about, it'll be fine." He smiled before closing the door behind him.

I sat down on the plush comforter and silently took in the room. Alice had done a great job decorating. The room had the perfect amount of classiness while still being comfortable. Laying back on the bed I gazed up at the ceiling and let the constant motion of the fan lull me into a trance as all of my thoughts began to tumble and collide with one another.

I walked out.

Edward _let _me walk out.

No, he tried to fix things, but I wouldn't let him.

For the first time in almost three years of marriage, Edward and I would be going to sleep in separate beds. We also had broken our promise of never going to bed angry at one another. Well, maybe _we_ hadn't, it was mostly just me. I could admit it, I panicked and instead of trying to face the storm ahead of me, I turned around and ran. There was just so many emotions and so many things that I wanted to say that they all got jumbled together and none of them would come out right.

Instead of sitting him down and getting everything out in the open, piece by piece, I let it all build up and consume me...consume _us_. What was left of us. There almost wasn't much of an us anymore. Between his work schedule and distancing himself from me and my holding grudges and harboring emotions, our relationship had been dwindling down to the last thread. The sad part was that neither of us saw it happening. It seemed like just weeks ago we were happy and content. How had so much gone wrong in such a short amount of time?

The tears that I had been trying to contain for the second time tonight finally spilled out onto my mascara streaked cheeks. Everything started to pour out of me again, all of the anger, the pain, the jealousy and the sadness. I honestly didn't know how there were any tears left to cry. As they trailed down my face I could feel myself falling slowly. Slowly down into that place where I hated to go. That dark place where my negative thoughts turned themselves into my own personal demons. I would fall into that deep, dark hole of worthlessness and unnecessary pain. Usually I had Edward to pull me back before I fell in, but he wasn't there this time.

As I became overwhelmed by the sudden urge to scream, I knew that I wouldn't be able to contain it. Placing the pillow to my face, I used it as a muffle to block out the noises that came from my mouth. I was pissed. Pissed at Edward, pissed at myself, pissed at everything. The moment I walked out that door my world felt as though it was crumbling.

The pillow served as a sponge, soaking up the tears as they continued to run out onto my cheeks. While I quietly sobbed, I fell into a daze watching the illuminated numbers on the alarm clock constantly change. 3:26... 4:40... 5:07. My eyes became weighted and I finally dozed off to a restless sleep.

*****

I could feel the brightness of the sun streaming through the window even though my swollen, itchy eyes weren't opened yet. The last thing I wanted to do was wake up, but I knew that I had to get up and greet the day. Blinking repeatedly in an attempt to dampen the dryness, I caught sight of someone sitting on the the edge of the bed.

"God, you look like hell." Alice sat perched beside me as she gently patted my leg.

"Gee thanks. I appreciate the compliment." I wiped the sleep from my eyes and pushed myself up, propping my weight onto my elbows.

"I'm sorry. It's just that I don't think I've ever seen you this upset before. What the hell happened last night?" Alice stood up and walked over toward the window rolling the blinds open slightly.

I groaned and sat up completely, crossing my legs to sit Indian style on the bed and pulled the comforter up to rest along my chest. Alice glided back over and sat down on the opposite side.

"Well, it wasn't just last night. Things have been less than wonderful lately. Last night was the end of the line though." I took in a deep breath. "He didn't get home until after two and didn't even bother to call and let me know he wasn't gonna show."

"Oh, Bella." Alice frowned, shaking her head.

"He's just been so _different_ lately. I don't know, it's like he's becoming more distant and I think the whole reasoning behind it is because of his resentment toward me." I ran my hand through my hair pushing the bangs out of my face.

"Resentment for what?"

"For not wanting to get pregnant." I thought back to one of the first fights we had over my taking the birth control. I remembered the devastated look on his face as I compared death to pregnancy. Looking back, I knew it wasn't the right choice of words, but that was just one of the many mistakes that I had made.

"I don't think he resents you for that, Bella," she said coming to Edward's defense.

"You don't see the way he's become though. I can feel him pushing me away. He's not him anymore. We're not _us_."

"I know you don't want to hear this, but you realize that I see both sides. On one hand I completely understand where you're coming from, although I don't think that walking out was the best option." She scrunched up her face showing her displeasure. "On the other hand Edward would do almost anything to keep from hurting you. You know this and I know this. I can assure you that he isn't doing this intentionally." Alice stood up giving me a tender hug. Until that moment, I hadn't realized how much I needed one.

"So here's what has to be done. I've told you this before and I wish that you would have listened. You and Edward need to sit down and get everything out. All of the bad feelings, the hurting, the anger, the confusion. All of it. Once the two of you actually communicate, everything else will fall into place. Trust me, I've been there. You both need to open up your wounds and let the other one help you to heal them."

I didn't say anything. Mostly because I knew that she was, in fact, right.

*****

The following week flew by and before I knew it the weekend had approached. I had spent the past week in a depressive daze. Most of the time I was either sulking at the bakery with Alice or spent the day alone on their couch. I became more and more restless with each passing night. I was only able to get minimal sleep and when I would finally doze off _he_ would be there. I couldn't escape Edward as much as I tried. As much as I hated to admit it...I missed him. A lot.

Saturday morning arrived and I heard Jasper and Alice downstairs discussing something in hushed tones. I could barely make out what they were saying, but I clearly heard Edward's name. I remembered that the boys had made plans to go golfing this weekend and apparently Jasper was bragging about their game.

Footsteps ascended the stairs and there was a light tapping on my door.

"Bella, I'm gonna hop in the shower. There's breakfast downstairs. I made your favorite. Waffles." I could hear her sweet smile through the door.

"Thanks. I'll be down in a sec," I answered. Throwing on a pair of sweatpants and t-shirt I quickly pulled my hair up into a ponytail and brushed my teeth. Today felt oddly different. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but something had shifted.

Taking the stairs down to the kitchen, I smiled as the smell of waffles and bacon invaded my senses. Alice had remembered from years ago that they were a favorite of mine. Although, hers by far were the best.

I fixed my plate piling on two waffles and several bacon slices. Glancing at the paper, I read through a few of the articles skimming the information. Once I had finished, I cleaned up my mess and decided I'd go watch some Saturday morning cartoons while I waited on Alice to come down.

As I walked toward the living room the sound of strumming became clearer with each step. Jasper was sitting on the couch, guitar on his lap with a notebook and pen laying beside him. I watched as he scratched down something before rendering another line and pausing to write again.

"Mornin', Bella." Jasper glanced up from his playing and gave me his famous country boy smile.

"Good morning. What are ya working on?" I plopped down on the opposite end of the couch. Winnie came running up from behind me and after three unsuccessful tries of jumping, I reached down picking the fur ball up.

"Ah, just a new set of lyrics that came to me. Trying to put a melody to the words." Jasper played a few chords and then stopped and glanced over toward me.

"Continue, please," I smiled. Jasper's music was amazing. His lyrics had such sentimental value and he was meticulous about matching them with the right melody. He truly had a gift. Just like someone else that I knew. As Jasper's music filled the air I couldn't help but think of Edward.

The words that he sang were absolutely beautiful. They told the story of a woman and man that had hit a rough spot in their relationship. The woman was tired of how things were going and she decided it was time to leave. The man is watching her leave and standing in the middle of the road hoping that she'll turn back around. He talks about watching to see the glow of the brake lights, but it never comes because she doesn't turn back. She never falters.

As the song came to an end, I thought of how eerily familiar it sounded.

"That was wonderful, as always." I smiled. Winnie became discontent and jumped down running off toward the kitchen.

"Well the words aren't mine so I can't take all the credit." Jasper flipped the notebook toward me and the handwriting that was scribbled out on the page immediately gave itself away. Jasper had only been writing down what chords to play above the lyrics.

"You mean..." I couldn't believe that Edward had written that. Not specifically that song, but any song. He hadn't taken the time to write music in such a long time. Mostly because he hadn't had the time to with his hectic schedule.

"He wrote it. Gave it to me this morning and asked if I could put some notes to it. I guess you know who it's about?" he asked.

I didn't say anything; I just let the words on the paper wrap their way around my mind again. Edward's words.

"He's not doing so well, Bella." Jasper shifted uncomfortably on the sofa. "He called out of work because he hasn't been able to sleep since you left. The man looks like he just watched someone run over his dog...repeatedly." Jasper had a solemn look on his face and I could tell that he wasn't joking.

How was I supposed to respond to that? I didn't _want_ Edward to be bad off and I certainly didn't think he would be when I left. Sure I thought he'd be a little upset, but calling out of work was definitely not something that had crossed my mind.

"Look, I know it's none of my business, Bella, but you should at least call him and let him know that everything's okay."

"But everything is _not_ okay." My voice came out shallow and I was fighting to hide my pain from Jasper.

"Alright, well answer me this. Do you still love him?" he asked.

"What kind of question is that, Jasper? Of course, I do," I answered defensively.

"Then call him and tell him that. Trust me, he needs to hear it."

"I can't." I shook my head at the thought. Hearing Edward's voice would tear me apart. I wasn't ready to face the music.

"You should." With that Jasper got up from the couch, leaving me alone with only my conscience to keep me company.

For the first time since I had left our house I picked up my cell phone. As soon as I turned it on I was alerted that I had thirty-four voice messages, sixty-five texts and a total of eighty-two missed calls. I didn't even have to look to know that most, if not all, of them were from Edward. That was the precise reason for turning off my phone. I knew that if he would have gotten in touch with me, I would have let him draw me back to him. I would have went to him and we would have gone back to exactly how things had been going. Nothing would have gotten accomplished or fixed.

I let my finger hover over the call button, before finally pressing it. It rang four times before consequently going to the voice-mail. The second I heard his voice my heart clenched and I felt my eyes begin to tear up. I missed that voice. I didn't know exactly what to say so I said the first thing that came to mind...the only thing that mattered.

"I love you, Edward." I hesitated for a moment as to whether I should say anything else, but I'm sure the sniffling spoke for itself.

The truth was, I had wanted to go back home the day after I left. But I knew that I wasn't mentally or emotionally ready to deal with the things that needed to be handled. Edward and I had so much to discuss and I knew that if I went back immediately, I would let all of those issues go.

I had to show myself what life would be like without him and how hard it was to get through each day alone. The reality of not being able to laugh with him, to touch him, to kiss him, was not a permanent existence that I wished to live. After a week without his presence in my life it made me want to fight for him. Fight for us. Fight for what we had. I wanted it back. All of it.

Alice alarmed me as she suddenly bounced into the room cheerful and full of energy.

"Get dressed, we're going to meet Rose for some girl time," she requested.

"Ugh, do I have to? I feel like shit." I pouted hoping that maybe, just maybe, she would let it go.

"Exactly you feel like shit...and you kind of look like shit. Sorry," she said as she placed her hands in a defensive pose. "You need to get out of the house. It's been almost a week, Bella." The second Alice put her little hands on her hips I knew that I wouldn't be able to talk my way out of it.

"Fine...fine." I slowly slid off the couch and trudged up the stairs; with each step that I took I was further dreading what was to come. I took a quick shower and for the first time in days I actually put on a little makeup and left my hair down. I felt more like myself again. Although, I still couldn't ignore the hole that felt like it was being dug through my heart.

*****

Shopping with the girls was less torturous than I had expected. Rose bought some new shoes and a few things for the boys. Alice picked up a few things in Motherhood Maternity before we made our way over to Babies"R"Us. The two of them oohed and aahed over the tiny infant clothes as Alice debated on what she wanted to purchase.

"So, neither of you know the sex of the baby?" Rose asked.

"Well, he knows, but I don't. When we went in for the visit I had already decided that I didn't want to know. I would rather be surprised." Alice held up a little pink dress. "Besides, I don't really care if it's a boy or a girl just as long as they're healthy."

"I couldn't stand it when I was pregnant with the boys. I had to find out at twenty weeks with both of them." Rose picked up a pink preemie dress, running her fingers across the fabric. As much as she loved the boys it was clear that she still wanted a little girl.

"I don't know. I kind of like the surprise of everything. Although, it's making shopping quite difficult. Thankfully, there are a few things that are gender neutral." Alice continued her search and I walked around the store feeling extremely out of place.

Everything seemed so foreign to me. Sure there were lots of things that I was familiar with but breast pumps and diaper genies...not so much. I felt like I had entered an alternate universe. Being a woman meant that I should have automatically known what all of this stuff was, but I guess I'm not the right _kind_ of woman.

The ladies finished up their mini shopping spree and we all decided that food was a necessary follow up. Alice wanted seafood so we decided on a little surf and turf restaurant that sat directly on the water. We took a table outside and the view was absolutely beautiful. Everyone placed their orders and we sat back enjoying our virgin margaritas. Rose and I decided that since Alice couldn't have alcohol then we would do without as well.

"_You _are eating red meat? This is a shocker." Rose looked at me accusingly across the table.

"I know, but I want to try something different today. It's been a while since I've had a steak and I'm kinda craving one." I very rarely ate red meat. Chicken was always my first choice. For some reason though, today I desired a sirloin.

The food quickly arrived and we made small talk while savoring our meal. The food tasted amazing, but unfortunately about halfway through my steak, my stomach flipped and I felt like things were about to resurface. Jumping up from the table in a panic I hurriedly made my way around the restaurant and into the restroom. Getting to a stall just in time, I watched as the entire contents of my lunch reappeared.

That certainly was not the response I was expecting from trying something different for lunch. Maybe that is why I stayed away from red meat most of the time. Leaning over the black porcelain sink I scooped water into mouth repeatedly, trying to wash away the nasty taste that was left there.

As soon as I made it back outside I could see that the girls were on edge. Rose wore a confused look, while Alice's was more panicked.

"Are you okay, Sweetie? I was getting ready to come check on you," Alice spoke in her concerned, motherly tone of voice.

"I'm fine. I guess the sirloin didn't sit well with my stomach. Or it could be my nerves," I tried to ease their minds.

"Um, Bella? When was your last period?" Alice blurted out.

"Hmm, I think end of July, but that's nothing unusual. You guys know how unpredictable my cycle can be. Why?" My period had been screwed since I was a teenager. Sometimes I would go months without having one, other times I would have it religiously. Over the years I had become accustomed to the lack of a period. I learned to enjoy it when I skipped a month or two; I certainly didn't miss the cramps or bloating.

"So, let me get this straight. You've missed two periods. You're craving foods. You're throwing up, and you are clearly mood swinging." Rose held up a new finger each time she added a symptom to the list. "Sounds like pregnancy symptoms to me." She raised her eyebrow giving me a questioning stare.

"What? No. There's no way." I shook my head. The thought of me being pregnant was absolutely insane.

"Oh, there's _always_ a way." Rose winked at me.

"I'm telling you, it's not possible. I'm on the pill." There was no way that I could be pregnant.

"Well, the pill isn't one hundred percent, Bella," Alice spoke up.

"She's right. Austin was conceived while I was on the pill," Rose laughed.

"But me? Being pregnant? There's just no way." I felt my stomach begin to twist again. Just the thought of pregnancy made me queasy.

"Well, there's only one way to find out," Alice answered.

*****

As Alice waltzed right to where the pregnancy tests were, I slowly dragged my feet behind her. The dreadful sensation in my stomach only worsened with each step. The whole situation seemed absurd and unnecessary. I knew deep down that I was _not_ pregnant, but I would do this to humor her.

"Okay so we're getting several different test brands, just to make sure you get an accurate result." Alice all but shouted to me as I was walking down the aisle toward her. She handed me the test.

"Can you be any fucking louder? I don't think the old guy on aisle nine quite heard you." It wasn't that I was necessarily embarrassed, but I still didn't want everyone in the store to know what was going on.

"There's nothing to be ashamed about, Bella. It's a pregnancy test. It's not like your testing for chlamydia." Alice's voice had a tinge of agitation and I had to laugh at her sudden sense of humor.

She picked up five more tests and we both made our way to the register. People, of course, were staring and it took me a few seconds to understand why. Then it dawned on me. Alice was noticeably pregnant, with her swollen belly walking around with tons of pregnancy tests in hand. She was a walking oxymoron.

*****

"Alice I swear to God if you don't stop that fucking pacing around, I'm going to flip out on you," I sneered at Alice from across the room. I couldn't help but be on edge as I endured quite possibly the scariest situation I had yet to be in. All the while she seemed amused by the circumstances.

"Empty threats Bella, empty threats," she giggled.

Alice stopped for a brief second, only to jut her neck out toward me in a 'come and get me' manner, then began pacing the tiled floor once again. She was making me more nervous by the minute.

I walked back over to the bathroom counter, where my bag full of what must have been six different pregnancy test brands lay. I pulled the plastic bag up letting all the boxes slide out onto the hunter green marble.

Alice rushed over to me. "Here, start with this one first. _First Response_ is the most reliable test, it can detect the pregnancy hormone up to six days before your missed period," she quoted.

"Can it also detect it up to sixty days after a missed period?" I laughed, earning an eye roll from her.

I took the small pink box from her, opening up the cardboard flap and sliding the plastic package out onto the counter. Taking out the paper pamphlet, I carefully read over the directions. God knows I didn't know how the fuck these things worked, and I definitely wanted the results to come out accurately.

"It's simple Bella. You take the plastic stick, you pee on it, and then you wait for five minutes. It isn't rocket science," she laughed causing me to glare at her. As much fun as this all was for her, it was absolutely terrifying to me.

I removed the long plastic test from its shiny white package, examining it. It looked easy enough.

"Hey, remember when I was the one on the other end of that stick. Literally?" she asked opening up another one of the tests.

"Yeah, how could I forget? You were freaking out. I think you successfully bought out the Walgreens of all their pregnancy tests. How many did you take, like fourteen?" I asked, remembering that crazy day of walking into a bathroom full of test sticks. That day was the happiest I had ever seen Alice.

"It was ten, Bella," she corrected me. "And I had to be absolutely sure. You know those factories produce so many of these things per minute that there is always a chance of getting a fluke. It was better to be safe than sorry."

"I guess that explains why I have to take six different test brands then," I sighed. I was really not looking forward to this, at all. My stomach felt like a million tiny butterflies were fluttering around inside.

I walked across the beige tile slowly over to the toilet. The coldness of the tile on my bare feet made my toes curl up. I pulled down my white sweatpants along with my panties and sat down on the seat. As I looked down at the test I felt as though I was literally holding my future in my own hands. It all felt so outlandish and perverse to me.

I looked over to Alice who was now sitting propped up on the edge of the bathroom counter. When she caught my nervous eyes, she gave me a soft smile. Then she reached over and grabbed three of the other pregnancy tests, opening up each one and taking out the test stick.

"Okay, here's what you're gonna do. You're going to pee on the _First Response_ then set it flat on the counter. Then I'll pass you each of these to do the same," Alice proclaimed.

"And then what?" I asked.

"Then...we wait five minutes."

I slid the test down in between my legs. It felt rather awkward and I was almost rethinking not just using a cup. It took about thirty seconds of sitting there before I could even start to urinate. Of course, when I actually needed the pee for a genuine purpose I wouldn't be able to go.

"Okay, that's enough. Now set it on the counter. Here." Alice handed me yet another stick to piss on.

Once all four tests had successfully been saturated, I got up from the toilet pulling up my pants. Immediately I went over to the sink to wash my hands mostly because my aim hadn't been precisely accurate and I needed something to distract me during the wait. As I pushed the knob turning off the water, a wave of nausea collided with me. I still couldn't connect the reality of what was really occurring. This could not be happening to me. I was anxious to get this all over with and prove to Alice that I was, in fact, not pregnant.

"Has it been five minutes yet?" I asked, wanting to know my fate.

"Chill Bella, it hasn't even been 60 seconds."

"Ugh, I feel like I'm going to hurl," I said, placing one of my hands over my sickened stomach.

"Well then it's a good thing you're standing right beside a toilet," Alice laughed. "Bella, it's going to be fine, I know it will be," she assured. She's always had a way of knowing the outcome of different situations. Surprisingly, she usually had been right in her assumptions. If by fine she meant that the tests would come back negative then I hoped that her prediction was accurate.

Alice walked over to the counter, staring down at all of the tests that were spread out. She picked up the _First Response_ test letting it rest in her hand. She carefully placed it back down on the counter and examined the other three tests. All the while allowing no emotions show through her solemn expression.

"Wh-What do they say?" I couldn't stand not knowing, yet I was fearful of the conclusion at the same time.

Alice glanced up at me, her facial appearance still concealing the results. "Okay wait, just tell me if I'll like the outcome?" I pleaded.

"Bella, just come over here and see for yourself." She huffed and sat the test back down.

As I slowly walked over to my results, I felt like a prisoner on death row walking to the electric chair. Once I was at the counter, I slowly let my eyes drift down toward the tests. Staring back at me were _First Response_, _Clearblue Easy_, _Accu-clear_, and _E.P.T._ They all had the exact same response to show me.

I glanced over at Alice whose eyes were glistening with joy. I didn't really know whether to laugh or cry at that exact moment. So many different emotions were swarming through me and not at all the ones I had been expecting. I should have felt relief for finally knowing the outcome, but I didn't.

I looked back down at the tests lying flat on the marble. All I could think about was how much someone's life could change depending on how many lines showed up in that little window.

"You're pregnant!" Alice squealed.

I didn't have time to respond before dozens of tiny little stars invaded my sight. My vision became severely clouded before turning to complete black. Followed by my body collapsing straight to the floor.

The cool sensation that overcame me sent a shockwave through my body.

"Bella? Honey, can you hear me?" Alice's voice sounded as though she were standing at the end of a tunnel, calling out to me.

I blinked several times and found Alice directly above me holding a damp washcloth to my forehead. Trying to regain some consciousness I thought back to the last thing that I remembered doing. Oh that's right, looking at my positive pregnancy tests.

"Bella, are you alright?" Alice's eyebrows were knitted together.

"I'm okay. Just a little dizziness." I slowly sat up, letting my vision adjust to the room. The fuzzy feeling eventually dissipated and I felt more like myself again. Alice helped me up from the floor and I followed her into their bedroom. She plopped down on the bed, stretching out across it on her back. Making my way to the other side I lay down beside her, placing my hands behind my head.

"So, how do you feel about this?" Alice asked wearily. I continued to stare up at the ceiling for a few seconds before answering.

"I don't know. I don't even know how to feel." I sighed. My world felt as though it had been turned upside down in a matter of minutes. Five minutes to be exact.

"Well, it's all so sudden and so _very_ unexpected," she remarked.

"You're telling me." Unexpected was an understatement. I couldn't figure out how this could have happened. Between the birth control and the lack of sex, this shouldn't have even been a possibility.

"You need to tell Edward." She looked over toward me with a tender smile.

"I know. I'm going home tomorrow." It was time for me to go back home. Back to my house. Back to my life. Back to my husband. I was finally ready to sit down and talk and now we had one more subject to discuss. Alice's words from earlier floated through my mind. I was ready to open the wounds and let them heal the right way.

*****

As I lay in bed all I could think about was Edward. How would he take the news? I knew that months ago he would have been absolutely ecstatic at the prospect of a baby, but with his recent distance I wasn't sure if the news would elicit that type of response.

I thought of how everyone always said that you feel this immediate sense of joy the second that you find out there's a baby living inside you. Unfortunately, that was obviously only the case for certain women. Joy was the farthest emotion from what I actually felt. The best way to describe it was a combination of terrified and utterly confused.

Seeing as how I obviously wasn't going to be getting any sleep anytime soon, I decided to get up and move around a bit. I carefully opened the bedroom door and quietly made my way down the hallway. Not wanting to wake anyone, I tip-toed down the carpeted stairs and made my way into the kitchen. Alice was bound to have something tasty in the refrigerator. I felt that a midnight snack was just what I needed to calm my nerves. After scrounging around in both the pantry and fridge I finally settled on a classic; Peanut butter and jelly would do the trick. Of course, it had to be cut diagonally in order for it to have its full potential of goodness. I smiled at that thought. Charlie would be proud.

Dad _would_ be proud.

He would be proud of everything. I didn't have to wonder how he would have felt about my being pregnant. Deep down I knew that he would have been thrilled. If he were still here I'm sure he would be shouting it from the roof tops...he would be proud.

I wiped away the single tear that had fallen from my eye and got up from the table. Placing the small plate into the dishwasher, I finished up my glass of water and followed suit with the cup. Debating on whether I wanted to watch some TV or try and get some sleep, I decided on the latter.

I pulled myself back up the stairs and walked back down the hallway to the guest room. Something caught my eye and I found myself being drawn to the room at the end of the hallway. The door was slightly cracked and from the outside you could easily see a white rocking chair. I cautiously pushed the door ajar and stared in awe as my eyes focused in on the scenery.

There before me was the most perfect little nursery I had ever seen. Alice had decided to go with a black and white theme not only because she didn't know the gender of the baby, but also because she had always had a thing for those colors. Their wedding had been a black and white theme.

The walls were painted solid white, with a thin black line trimming the entire room. She had placed a black bookcase beside the white rocker. The cutest thing by far was the tiny white rocking horse that sat in the corner of the room. I ran my hand along the smooth black crib then my hand floated over to the mobile that was hanging there. Gently clutching one of the balloons, I slid my thumb along the soft fabric, quickly letting go as the sounds of Chopin softly filled the room. The lullaby eventually wound down and I felt that it was time to get some rest.

Turning away from the crib, the frames on the wall caught my attention. Alice had framed three of her ultrasound pictures. Each of the frames had a different sentimental saying on it. One said, "You had me from two little lines", then there was, "The first time ever I saw your face..." and the last one simple said, "Love at first sight".

Was it truly love at first sight?

Did that explain why I didn't have any loving feelings toward this being that was currently growing inside of me, because I hadn't seen it yet?

Would I love this baby once I actually saw it?


	9. And Baby Makes Three

**A/N: Okay, so it's been a minute or two...or 569282347928 minutes. I apologize for such a long leave, but real life decided that it needed to come first for a bit. On the plus, my wedding was absolutely beautiful. It was amazing. So I guess all of that time planning was well worth it. Big thanks goes out to mcc101180 (Melissa) thanks so much as always! I heart you. **

**I just want to say THANKS to all of you that have stuck with me. Means so much more than you will ever know. And to those of you that are just now finding my story, you're all pretty awesome too. **

**Here's a little Christmas gift from me to you. :)**

**_To catch you back up..._**

___Turning away from the crib, the frames on the wall caught my attention. Alice had framed three of her ultrasound pictures. Each of the frames had a different sentimental saying on it. One said, "You had me from two little lines", then there was, "The first time ever I saw your face..." and the last one simple said, "Love at first sight"._

___Was it truly love at first sight?__  
_

___Did that explain why I didn't have any loving feelings toward this being that was currently growing inside of me, because I hadn't seen it yet?__  
_

___Would I love this baby once I actually saw it?_

* * *

"A singer in a smoky room, smell of wine and cheap perfume..."

I cracked a smile as Alice continued to belt out the words to "Don't Stop Believing". She had one hand on the steering wheel, and the other placed on her protruding belly. She was the epitome of adorable. I turned my attention on what was going on outside the car, taking in the scenery as we made our way back to my house.

Being without Edward all week had been absolutely torturous and I was more than ready to get home to him. Missing his laugh, his smile, his kiss had brought me to the brink of insanity. I craved the warmth of just lying next to him. Sleeping alone had been dreadful, and I was ready to have his companionship again.

What I wasn't prepared for was having to tell him that I was pregnant. Mostly because even though I knew the truth, it still didn't feel _real _to me. Almost like I was having this bad dream which I would awaken from soon and everything would be the way it was before taking those tests.

We had so many other things to discuss that having this bombshell on top of it all was a bit unnerving. Edward wanted this so badly, but was a baby the best option for us at the moment? I mean with him constantly working, how would he possibly have time for a child? He barely had time for me.

If I couldn't get him to spend time with me, how in the hell was I going to get him to spend it with a baby? I could feel the resentment starting to surface, and I once again felt awful. The very reason why he worked so many hours was because of me. By him working double shifts, it meant that I could stay home and write.

When had I become so selfish? Or had I been this way all along? It made me wonder how Edward was able to put up with it for this long.

"Bella, we're here." Alice tapped the steering wheel.

I looked up from the floorboard, not realizing that I had apparently dazed out for the entire ride home. I felt a little bad for ignoring her the whole time we'd been in the car, but she had obviously kept herself occupied along the way.

"You want me to walk in with you?" she gently asked.

I shook my head. "No, I'm all right."

"Just remember what I said, okay?" Alice questioned, as I opened the passenger door.

"I will." I smiled, trying to somehow reassure her.

"Everything will be okay, sweetie. Just please tell him tonight. My brother may be an ass, but he deserves to know. Plus, you'll feel better once it's off your chest." Alice sighed. "Okay, enough of my meddling. I love you."

"Love you, too." I shut the car door behind me, taking in a deep breath before turning to face the house.

As I walked up the entrance steps onto the porch, my heart was pounding so hard that it felt like it was going to come straight through my chest. I opened our front door and set my bag down in the foyer before shutting the door quietly behind me. I figured Edward would still be in bed since it wasn't quite eight yet. But when I turned away from the door, there he was–in all his glory. Edward was quite possibly the only man I knew who could make sweats look absolutely sexy. The newly formed stubble that had began to grow on his face didn't go unnoticed either.

"Hi." I peered into his tired green eyes, biting my lip nervously. Seeing his face made the butterflies in my stomach begin to flutter once again. They all began to swirl around inside of me; the desolation that I had felt being away from him was completely gone in that moment.

"Hi," he answered back with a soft smile. Edward knew that I was planning to come home today, but he seemed slightly caught off guard. He appeared hesitant of what he should say or do, which was definitely not like him.

Neither of us made any movements- we just stood frozen, gazing at one another. Inside I wanted to run to him, cling tightly to his chest and never let go of him again. But reality quickly set in and I knew that probably wasn't going to happen. At the very least, I needed to touch him. I wanted to feel his hands on my body, his breath fan across my face, his lips touching mine. Though my body seemed to be paralyzed in its current position, my brain was in a battle against my heart. It was obvious who was winning.

As I looked at his face, examining it closely, I noticed his bloodshot eyes with dark circles displayed underneath them, and the disheveled hair that he had undoubtedly been pulling at. I immediately felt my heart sink, knowing that I had been the cause of his shattered appearance. To know that I caused him that much pain was almost too much to handle. A single tear fell from my eye, running down my face as I focused in on my broken down husband.

Edward closed the distance between us and reached out, slowly running his index finger down my cheek collecting the moisture. I didn't deserve that, but I would certainly take it. He gave me a weak smile as he brought his hand down close to mine and let his thumb glide along the inside of my wrist. He looked almost nervous as if he were gauging my response, before finally grasping my entire hand in his. His palm was slightly sweaty as it clasped onto mine.

I looked down at our joined hands, satisfied with such a simple touch but wanting much more. I needed to wrap myself around him, to feel his body against mine, heartbeat to heartbeat.

Unexpectedly, he grabbed my hip, pulling my body to his, as if he were able to somehow read my mind. I gasped as the warmth of his breath swept across the side of my neck, tickling my ear.

"I missed you," Edward softly whispered.

"You too." I quietly returned.

I felt his unoccupied hand ease its way across my back as he pulled me even closer. Edward began to rock our bodies from side to side as if to some unheard tune. At that moment, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Laugh at how silly we must have looked swaying to the sound of no music. Or cry at just how amazing it felt to be in this moment...with this man.

"Edward, I..." As I choked on what I was trying to say, Edward placed his finger along my lips as he shushed me.

"For once don't think, just feel. Can you do that for me?" I nodded my head as he slid his hand from my mouth and cupped the side of my face.

Placing my cheek to his firm chest, I listened to his heart beating beautifully against my ear. Closing my eyes, I did exactly what he asked me to do–I didn't think, I felt.

I felt happy. Even if it were just for this one tiny moment, I was genuinely content.

I felt at ease. For the first time since I had found out I was pregnant, I felt the tension begin to melt away.

I felt loved. This man that was holding me in his arms would do anything in the world to make me feel that way. That was all Edward ever wanted to do was to make me feel his love. I couldn't stand it anymore; I had to let him know that I was at least remorseful for the way that I had reacted.

"I'm...sorry." As apologetic as I was, those words didn't seem like they were enough.

"I know, as am I." He gently tucked a few loose strands of my hair behind my ear. Something about that gesture caused me to lose it, and the tears came streaming down both of my cheeks.

"I shouldn't have left..." I choked out as my body began to tremble with emotion."I should have been more rational, but I just couldn't help it. I needed you... and you weren't there." I wiped my nose that was becoming increasingly runny, before continuing. "You deserve better." With that, the sniffling turned into all-out bawling.

"Shhh. Please don't cry, Bella. It kills me," Edward pleaded.

"_I_ did this though; if I had stayed, then everything would be fine," I confessed.

"That's not true. And we're not gonna play the blame game," Edward countered. "Besides, both of us were at fault. I _should_ have called. I knew I should've called you that night, but I was so wrapped up in what _I _was doing to pull myself away for thirty seconds." He paused. "Look, we both could have done things differently that night."

"I guess you're right," I replied.

"When am I not?" Edward smiled, his big green eyes shining out in the dim lit room.

"I will admit that I haven't been the best about spending as much time as possible with you when I'm off, but it certainly hasn't been on purpose. I'm just so worn out...constantly." He kissed the crease in my forehead. "But that's something I'm gonna work on."

"And I'm going to have to work on being less selfish." I looked up at him, knowing how difficult that was going to be.

"No, I don't think so. I like that you want me around all the time. Maybe just develop a little more understanding." Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me behind him into the living room. He plopped down onto our couch before tugging at my arm, encouraging me to follow suit.

As I slowly sat down on his lap, a surge of excitement ran straight through me. It had been too long since I had felt my husband's touch–the warmth of his body running parallel to mine. I knew this wasn't the most opportune time to be thinking those thoughts, but I couldn't help it. The man had me more wound up than a Duncan yo-yo.

Apparently Edward's thoughts were similar to mine, because the next thing I knew, he pulled me against him as he began to plant soft kisses along my neck, working his way upward.

I almost wanted to stop him because I knew we still had things to discuss..._almost_.

Grabbing onto his shoulders, I turned my body to face him, straddling his lap. He looked into my eyes, almost as if he were searching them for answers. I leaned forward, touching my chest to his. Edward kissed my jawline before finally brushing his lips against mine. He placed featherlike kisses along my top and bottom lips. Every movement was soft and tender. The stubble from his five o'clock shadow caused me to squirm as it tickled my skin.

Suddenly, Edward took my bottom lip fully into his mouth, gently sucking on it, causing a shiver to run down my spine. That was it–all it took before we were full on making out. Our breathing patterns quickly became staggered, and we each came up for air every few seconds before diving back into one another.

We were going at it like a couple of sixteen year olds in their parents' basement. In fact, I felt like a teenager again. This was how Edward and I used to kiss–with urgency and need.

Edward reached behind me, grasping at my shirt and quickly pulling it up over my head before tossing it onto the floor. He paused and sat back into the couch, gazing at me. His eyes slowly ran up and down my bared body before finally landing on my eyes. I took this as the perfect opportunity for his shirt to join mine on the floor. Hands were touching anything and everything that they could grab. I could feel how excited he had become as my hips bucked into his.

I wove my right hand into his thick hair and kept my other on his shoulder to help with my balance as I began to push myself slowly up and down. Edward took hold of my hips, further encouraging their movement.

We developed a steady rhythm as our bodies moved together in tandem with one another. As I continued to ride him, the bulge that I felt pushing against me was increasing. The look on Edward's face was simply gorgeous. He was starting to sweat and his hair was disarrayed due to all of my tugging.

I closed my eyes and let my head fall back, still keeping the pace that I had set. Edward's hand skimmed across my bared stomach, causing goosebumps to race down my skin. He ran his finger along the top of my jeans, and I instinctively bucked my hips firmly against him. That seemed to entice him to move things a bit further as he undid the button and the zipper made no protest as he slid it down.

I looked down to where his hand was, anticipating his every move. He let his right hand rest against the outside of my silky underwear, barely touching them. Not being able to take any more of his teasing, I reached down, placing my hand on top of his and guiding it along my soaked panties. My eyes met back with his, and I leaned into him, placing a soft kiss on his lips.

Edward continued to rub his hand against my most sensitive spot, and I could feel the tension as it began to build inside.

Without warning, his finger tucked underneath the edge and made its way toward the moisture. He pushed it a little further inside and I let out a gasp. The feeling was so intense, and I could feel myself becoming even wetter with each flick of his finger.

"My God," he groaned.

"Edward..." I panted into his mouth.

Then it hit me. A sudden wave of nausea came rushing through me.

This baby wasn't even born yet and it was already cock-blocking.

I choked back the urge to vomit and took in several breaths before focusing back in on Edward. He didn't seem to observe my discomfort and continued to pleasure me.

There it was again. I closed my eyes and tried to calm my nerves, hoping to dismiss the urge to vomit.

"Baby, is everything okay? You seem like something's bothering you?" Edward pulled back, searching my eyes.

Well, so much for him not noticing.

Here it was. I was going to have to tell him what was going on.

I contemplated whether or not to just shout it out, or to ease my way into it.

"Well, you see..." Half of my brain was trying to figure out the best way to word what I was about to say while the other half wanted me to just get it out so that we could have sex already. "I, um...we, um..."

Suddenly I felt the back of my throat knot up as my gag reflex activated–a feeling that was becoming all too familiar. I thought that maybe if I just concentrated on Edward then it would eventually just ease away. Of course, that thought was soon outweighed by my running to the hall bathroom and barely making it to the toilet in time to see my breakfast once again.

"Bella?" Edward sounded confused. "Are you okay?" I stood up, looking into my husband's frantic face.

"Yes!" I all but yelled. "I mean no...I don't know." I shook my head.

There we were, standing in the downstairs bathroom, just staring at one another.

This was it–I had to tell him. There was no getting around it now. He just witnessed me throwing up; he's had a firsthand account with my over emotional reactions and he's a freaking doctor; I don't think it would be too hard for him to piece together the pregnancy puzzle.

So I had to tell him. Maybe I was over-thinking it all and instead of sugar coating, I should just spit it out.

"I'm...pregnant." The words were so foreign to me. In fact, I realized that it was the very first time I had said them out loud. It was as if in that moment, it was finally becoming real to me. _There was a baby inside of me...right now._

Edward didn't say a word. He just stood there staring at me, almost looking through me.

After a few seconds passed with no comment, I decided to confirm that he indeed had heard me. Maybe I hadn't said it loud enough for him to have heard me.

"Edward, did you hear me?" I asked, confused as to why he hadn't responded.

He shifted his feet along the wooden floor before finally responding. "Yes, I did," he said, nodding his head in a yes motion. "I was just making sure that you had actually said what I think you said." He smiled.

"I'm pregnant." I repeated the words and it didn't come out any easier the second time. "I had been having some odd symptoms and Alice convinced me to take some tests, which were all positive," I elaborated.

"This is...I don't even have the words. I'm stunned really," Edward replied, sinking down onto the floor. I walked over to him and carefully slid down, sitting beside him with my back against the wall.

"I know. It surprised me, too." Though surprise was a lot nicer word for my original reaction.

"It's just...I wanted to be there with you the first time–to share the joy of that moment when the two lines showed up." Edward's face showed disappointment as he hung his head.

"I'm sorry, baby." I reached over and grabbed his hand. "I honestly didn't think they would say positive. I just don't understand...how I _am_. I took my pill every day. I never missed one."

"Well, it could be a number of reasons. Maybe you just _think_ that you never missed a day, when in fact you had. Also, different medications react with oral contraceptives, especially antibiotics," Dr. Cullen informed me.

As soon as he said antibiotics it hit me–that had to be the culprit. I had gotten a mild urinary tract infection a couple of months ago and was put on penicillin for a week.

"How have you been feeling?" he asked with concern in his voice.

"I've been, well...you obviously see how my stomach has been reacting to it. I want to cry over anything and everything. And my breasts are a little sore." I squinted with displeasure. "That's about it. I don't even _feel_ pregnant."

"That's pretty normal. With it being this early, you aren't going to feel pregnant really until you see it for yourself. I'll call Dr. Weber next week and see if we can get an appointment set up. I can't wait to see what we've created." Edward reached down, gently rubbing my abdomen. The gesture seemed so odd to me because my stomach felt empty. I didn't see how there possibly was anything in there.

"I don't know...maybe the tests were wrong?"

Edward's enormous laughter filled the bathroom.

"Yeah, I'm sure _all_ of them were inaccurate, Bella." He sarcastically answered.

I gave him a defeated look as the silent tears began to escape my eyes. These pregnancy hormones were really kicking my ass.

"Look, I know this isn't exactly what you wanted, but I promise you that we _will_ make the best of it. You'll see...you're going to change your mind about things. I know you will." Edward tried to assure me.

"I...I'm just not ready. _You_ may be, but I'm _not,_ Edward. I don't know the first thing about newborns. I'm already feeling sorry for this child because they are going to be born to someone who is completely oblivious on how to care for them," I responded.

"I'm not ready to be a mom." The sobs broke free from my chest as I collapsed into Edward's opened arms.

He massaged the aching spot between my shoulder blades as he softly spoke reassuring words into my ear. He kept saying things would be okay, that we would make it work and that he knew I would be a great mom.

"Right now, you're unsure of everything, but I'm telling you, when you see their heart beating on that screen, you will be amazed. You're going to do great." Edward's confidence made me feel even more inadequate.

"I don't know." I shook my head.

"I _do_," he declared.

Edward and I talked for a couple of hours and before we knew it, darkness had approached. Our stomachs were telling us that it was time for supper, so we both unanimously decided on take out. I had been wanting sesame chicken for the past couple of days, and I couldn't wait to finally be able to quell the craving. Though, my favorite part about ordering Chinese food was always the fortune cookie at the end.

"Okay, I'll go first." I grabbed the two cookies from the bag, playfully tossing them around in my hands before finally giving Edward one and opening up the other. "Fear is just excitement in need of an attitude adjustment." I laughed.

"Perfect," he mocked at me. "Attitude adjustment? You, never!" He flipped his hand down in a joking manner and I bit hungrily into my cookie showing him what kind of adjustment I needed.

"All right, I'll go." Edward carefully opened the wrapper and studied the slip of paper before finally reading it aloud. "Never lose the ability to find beauty in ordinary things."

"I always do." He smiled.

Our night was close to perfect. We decided to share a bubble bath, at which he splashed every ounce of Mr. Bubble right out of the bathtub, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Then we watched some television, which ended up being a non-stop channel surf due to it being Sunday night and nothing being on. That was okay though, because we ended up finishing what we had started on the couch earlier that day.

Eventually we made our way up to bed. We were both completely wiped out from the eventful day and Edward also had to be back at the hospital tomorrow, since he had taken off work and missed his scheduled days.

As we lay in bed, I let my thoughts consume me. I thought about everything that had been done and said today. I thought about how much I loved the man that lay next to me. I thought of the baby that was growing inside of me. Unfortunately the next thing that crept into mind was not so pleasant.

With all of the excitement, I had completely forgotten that there was something else that I needed to talk to Edward about.

I never confronted him about the woman calling his phone. The day had been too wonderful to mess up with accusations. Yet I couldn't stand wondering anymore.

I mean, what if he was seeing someone else? What if he wanted to leave me and go be with her? How would I be able to take care of a baby on my own?

How would I be able to breathe without him?

One thing was for sure–I wasn't gonna let some tramp steal my husband away from me! I would fight for what was mine.

The tension inside of me rose and I just couldn't stand it anymore.

"I think now would be the best time for you to tell me about why you've been distancing yourself from me. I have a feeling it has to do with the girl that keeps calling you. You can blame work all you want, but I know that's not the real reason." I glanced up at him. "Just be honest with me." It all came spewing out much faster than I had anticipated, but I felt immediate relief once the words escaped from my mouth.

Edward opened his mouth, then snapped it shut before opening up again. "Wait, what? Girl who keeps calling me?" he asked with a puzzled look on his face.

"Yeah, you know...SM?" My voice squeaked out. I was terrified to hear his response, but I needed to know the truth.

Edward's facial expression changed from confusion to one of amusement. His deep chuckle resounded through the bedroom and my anger level began to rise. How could he be laughing at a time like this?

"Really? You're laughing over the fact that you have some woman calling your phone repeatedly? I can't believe you." I snarled at him. Here I was trying to be serious and talk things out, yet he somehow seemed to find the whole situation humorous, amusing even.

The bed let out a squeak as he sat up and reached over to his night stand. I watched in astonishment as he continued to remain silent on the subject at hand. The only noise in the room came from his cell phone as he appeared to be searching for something.

"Here, hold this for a second." He handed me his BlackBerry.

I glared at him as I took the phone into my hands.

"Edward, I don't know what you're trying to..."

"Just give it a sec." Edward cut me off.

_**Beep Beep Beep**_

Looking down at the phone the set of initials that I had come to hate most were glaring back at me.

**SM**

Did he really want me to pick up and talk to this bitch? Edward must have seriously lost his mind while I was away.

"Are you kidding me?" I stared at him in shock.

"Click the accept button," he simply stated.

I huffed loudly as I pushed the button; I was not at all prepared for what appeared on the screen.

_**Staff Meeting**_

_9:30 am_

_Held in Green room, breakfast provided._

My hand immediately came up to my mouth as I gasped in disbelief. I just couldn't get over the fact that I was so completely far from the truth. Jealousy had definitely gotten the better of me. I should have felt relief in that instant, but all I felt was shame. I had made my husband out to be this horrible cheating bastard when, in fact, he was the complete opposite.

"Staff Meeting? Seriously?" I rhetorically asked.

"Seriously," he answered. "I can't believe you thought that I was cheating on you of all things. But then again, I guess it did seem suspicious."

Shaking my head, I handed him the phone back and felt like crawling into a hole.

"I don't know what to say. Besides that I feel like a humongous idiot right now. I can't believe I had this whole crazy idea in my head that you would go behind my back and do something like that. I don't know what I was thinking, Edward. I'm sorry."

Edward grabbed the covers toward him as he lay back down, pulling me to him. "It's all right. Probably just the pregnancy hormones." He laughed.

Ugh. There was that word again. Pregnant. That's what I was now.

Even though I knew how much it delighted Edward, I just couldn't see myself bloated out with a baby bump. That was Rose. It was Alice. That wasn't me.

Why did I not remember my doctor specifically telling me that the antibiotics could possibly counteract my birth control? If only I had never taken them, none of this would even be happening now. Everything would have been the way things should be. Just Edward and me.

Instead, I was contemplating how to keep food from coming back up, wondering exactly how long it would take before I became a fat ass and needed a whole new wardrobe, and on top of it all, trying to figure out how in the hell I, of all people, was going to be able to mother a child.

"Bella?" Edward's voice drew me from my negative thoughts.

"Hmm?" I hummed.

"We're gonna be okay." He leaned in and kissed the bridge of my nose before nestling back down under the covers.

My heart wanted to believe him, it _really_ did.

But my head thought otherwise.

* * *

You know what would be an awesome Christmas present? Leave me some_** love**_. I PROMISE I will reply. (Sorry for previous review reply fail. Again, real life was hating me.)** Do **you think Bella will adjust soon to being pregnant?** Do **you think Edward is being too pushy with her and needs to better understand how she feels? **What** do you think it's gonna take for Bella to want this baby? **Will **the ultrasound effect her? ...Lemme know watcha think.


	10. Guess who's back?

So, how many of you had to do a double take when you saw the CaLCB update? I know, I know. YES, I'm still alive. ...barely. Haha So much has happened since I started writing this story. I got engaged to the man I had been dating for 6 years, planned a wedding, got married, started my own baking business, got pregnant and now we have a beautiful little 1 month old baby girl. I'm not trying to make excuses, but life just went on super drive for the past year and a half. None the less, I feel terrible for starting something and not finishing it. I never knew that when I started writing this little thing that people would actually enjoy reading it. It amazes me just how much support I've received through writing this. What shocks me even more is that I continue to get support. Which is what prompted this update, if you will. Not a week goes by that I don't get new readers. And every time I get a new email alert informing me of someone putting it on their update list, adding to favorites, or commenting it makes me feel like crap. I mean of course it's so awesome that people are still interested and finding my story somehow, but on the other hand it's one more reader to add to the list of people I'm disappointing. The other day, I opened up my story outline draft and began to miss writing. So this leads me to my New Years resolution. I am determined to FINISH this story. There is so much more to tell and I so need to get it out.

Alright, so I plan to start writing again in January. I can't guarantee yet when chapters will begin to post. Once I see how much free time I'll have to write (read: how many naps my little one will take. Lol) then I'll be able to give more details. This is something that has been weighing on my mind for quite some time and I'm tired of having unfinished business. I need closure with this story as I'm sure many of you do.

When I took the hiatus from writing, I also did so with many other Fanfiction related content, Twitter being one. I plan to be on there more often and will tweet updates on how things are coming along as far as writing goes. You are more than welcome to follow me if you don't already, my Twitter name is (tiffymegan).

Thanks so much again for all of your support and encouraging words. You will never know how much they've meant to me. I look forward to beginning this new year with the determination of finishing things that I've started. I hope each and every one of you have a wonderful and safe New Year's Eve. :)

- Tiff


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